Is Arguing All the Time an Autistic Trait?

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StarTrekker
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27 Apr 2012, 12:41 am

Both my parents say I'm very "argumentative" because I'll bring up counterpoint after counterpoint about ideas they're trying to get across. I don't mean to argue with them, just correct my misunderstandings and their misinterpretations of what they're saying. My mother has a tendency to embellish the stories she tells, so that parts of them are outright lies. I don't think she means to, she just gets carried away and ends up believing what she's saying herself. She gets very frustrated with me when I contradict her and try to remind her of what really happened. Apparently that counts as "arguing." My dad used to get frustrated with me all the time because whenever he brought up something I didn't agree with (because I have a hard time seeing someone else's side of things) I'd say "That doesn't make any sense." I've since learned to phrase my confusion in a less confrontational way, but he still likes to tease me using that line, because apparently once the frustration wore off, there was humour to be found in it... I've been told I see things in very black and white ways, and apparently my inability to see the tinges of grey makes me "rigid" and "argumentative," but you have to know me well to see it, because confrontation with strangers and acquaintances makes me extremely uncomfortable; I don't even like to witness it, which is why I steer clear of reality TV (that's another thing about NT's I don't understand; why do they enjoy watching other people argue with each other?)


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27 Apr 2012, 1:13 am

I try to avoid it as much as possible, but sometimes i can't help it.

When i was bullied at school, i would say nothing if verbally attacked, it would just be internalized and added to my rage.

As i have got older, if someone says something offensive to me, i will explode.

As for tittle-tattle arguments i enjoy correcting stupid people when they get something wrong, it used to make me rage until they understood something, but now it just amuses me how Nt's will insist they are right when really they are just making themselves look stupid.

I can recall an incident last summer with my dad. He was watching a documentary about the end of the Space Shuttle Program and the final STS mission, and he was telling me about his memories of Apollo 11. When the program finished he said how he thought it was a great loss that the Space Shuttle Program had finished, but that he was glad we were still going to the moon. I sat there stunned, thinking he was joking at first, but i questioned him on it and he was adamant we were still exploring the moon. I asked him if he had ever heard of Gene Cernan or Apollo 17..... Nope.

There's no point in arguing with a mind such as that.


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27 Apr 2012, 1:47 am

I think my arguing is more from my ADHD/ODD. I get into moods where I'll disagree with anything, even if I would normally agree. I get in such a passionate rage over it and then maybe a hour later, after wasting all that time arguing, I'd just stop.

No one is always right and it's arrogant to think that you are. Yes, we are very black and white thinking but it's good to learn that people are not just simply smart and stupid. When you really begin to analyse the word, what is stupid anyway? Lacking intelligence, yet if you ever called someone with an intellectual disability stupid you'd be the biggest monster in the world. NT's aren't stupid. NTs can think and learn and problem solve, so not stupid. They might lack knowledge in some areas like you lack knowledge in some areas. Everyone is so sure of some things they know that you can't convince them otherwise, even people here saying they're always right. Information updates and there's such a wealth of information out there you will never know everything. My poor memory makes me humble, makes me think before correcting because I could be wrong.

I don't know everything but I know some things. I get stuck in a loop of thinking what I know is right but I'm not always sure if I am. I think it's better to just let people believe that they're right anyway. Less conflicts that way. It's easier said than done though. I'm not always this calm and rational.

Think of all the facts you know. Where did that information come from and just how long was it? What were the sources? Some of the information for me could be a sentence long, or from a very long research journal. And there are people out there that release books with an agenda, make documentaries to trick you into believing. I question everything now but still believe some of it. It's interesting what one chooses to believe.


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27 Apr 2012, 3:59 pm

Litigious wrote:
You argue alot because:

1. Aspies won't buy the "truths" NTs do.

2. NTs disagree with you for not being as stupid and narrowminded as they are.
This is what causes me to argue the most ESPESSSIALY........NUMBER 2 ! !! !! !! ! :evil:


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01 May 2012, 1:33 pm

Litigious wrote:
You argue alot because:

1. Aspies won't buy the "truths" NTs do.

2. NTs disagree with you for not being as stupid and narrowminded as they are.


Agreed.



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01 May 2012, 3:26 pm

Arguing in the sense of conflict, no. I'm conflict shy, and get depressed from it. I argue more with my parents, though, since I'm not as good at hiding my temperament at home.

I love debates, though, particularly heated ones where no one takes offense. I tend to disagree with everyone, probably because of my thought patterns. I also take up positions no one else holds, just to bring more opinions into the debate, even if I don't have that opinion myself.

Oh, and I don't see everything in black and white, like people often accuse me of in real life. I can see a huge amount of shades of grey :-)



olympiadis
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09 Dec 2014, 12:02 am

When you perceive reality differently than those around you and you see completely different things, then this is going to happen. The one in the minority will be labeled argumentative.



chagya
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09 Dec 2014, 12:27 am

I don't think it's so much an autism trait as a characteristic of people who are OCD. Some people who enjoy arguing would say that they enjoy debating, but there is a difference between arguing and debating. People who enjoy arguing, IMO enjoy using words as weapons rather than as tools. I think to enjoy arguing is to have an emotional addiction to conflict. I think arguers are typically aggressive personalities, and not in a good way. I think someone who prefers arguing to debating is someone who enjoys offending people and eliciting reactions rather than responses.



Taylor1002
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10 Dec 2014, 3:11 pm

Usually, I don't think that arguing is worth the conflict. Sometimes I enjoy it if I feel strongly about something and/or the person I'm arguing with is particularly level-headed...I don't like it when people get upset because of a disagreement.



Taylor1002
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10 Dec 2014, 3:11 pm

Usually, I don't think that arguing is worth the conflict. Sometimes I enjoy it if I feel strongly about something and/or the person I'm arguing with is particularly level-headed...I don't like it when people get upset because of a disagreement.



mr_bigmouth_502
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10 Dec 2014, 3:17 pm

I tend to get into arguments with other people, because usually I'm right about something and they refuse to accept it. I don't like arguing, and I would rather avoid conflicts with other people, but they just tend to happen.



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10 Dec 2014, 4:42 pm

I do not like arguing in real life. It makes me very anxious and I almost shut down. It can be very traumatizing for me as I just can't handle it. Flight mode in full effect!

I do argue online a lot and I can be extremely sarcastic while doing so.


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10 Dec 2014, 4:51 pm

Is this included in the "Always have to have the last word" category? Cause if so, then definitely. Otherwise, I will pitch into a conversation if I think I have something to say about it, otherwise I won't.


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10 Dec 2014, 5:01 pm

I don't like to argue, but I can speak very persuasively about things in a way that probably sounds like arguing, due to having worked so long in sales. It's especially bad if I've actually just come from a sales meeting.



MikeInUtah
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10 Dec 2014, 5:28 pm

Litigious wrote:
You argue alot because:

1. Aspies won't buy the "truths" NTs do.

2. NTs disagree with you for not being as stupid and narrowminded as they are.



Couldn't agree more. Most of the arguments I get into, eventually reduce themselves from who is right or wrong, because typically the facts defend my points, to how I need to take people's feelings into account.



olympiadis
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11 Dec 2014, 12:14 am

MikeInUtah wrote:
Litigious wrote:
You argue alot because:

1. Aspies won't buy the "truths" NTs do.

2. NTs disagree with you for not being as stupid and narrowminded as they are.



Couldn't agree more. Most of the arguments I get into, eventually reduce themselves from who is right or wrong, because typically the facts defend my points, to how I need to take people's feelings into account.



Yes there is the reality of real concrete things and then there's the reality that includes conceptual things and emotions. My conscious thought has a highly developed filter to filter the non-real things out. Hence the different perception of reality.
I often run into the same problem of not considering feelings ( even my own ) into the reasoning process.
In fact it has caused so much problems that I'm trying to work on adjusting that.