has any aspie become normal?

Post Reply New Topic

I hate to admit it, but I wish I never had aspergers either because every time I make a social error I have to keep thinking of good excuses for why it happened. I still have to explain why I did quirky things as far back as 10 years ago.Only some of my family, my friends, and my little sister's friends know about me having AS. Since a lot of people I know think of it as a bad thing and I'm afraid of rejection, I've kept it to myself for the most part. I've only told a couple of girls in my grade about my AS to make them stop laughing at a video about an autistic kid during our autism awareness celebration in my middle school. Anyways, I can act like an NT, I even get into their pop culture and social networking sites, but that's as "normal" as I'm ever get. It took me many years of practicing and lots of social mistakes to get where I am now today. I had seen an OT and a ST in preschool, as well as visiting a gguidence councelor once a week until I left elementary school. Learning how to act like an NT takes a lot of work, but if your determined to appear like everyone else, then go for it. I had no choice, but all that unwanted training I went though was totally worth my time.

I wish I didn't have AS either because when I speak to the man I fancy, I start analyzing it afterwards, and worrying that I did something really weird while I was speaking to him. Little thoughts start going round and round in my head, like:-
''What if I kept making funny faces when I was speaking or when he was speaking?''
''What if my breath smelt?''
''What if I had something notable on my face the whole time, what wasn't there when I last checked in the mirror?''
''What if my lipgloss had all somehow smudged?''
''What if I said something really weird?''
''What if he doesn't want to speak to me any more?''
''What if somebody reports him for talking to me, because of the age gap?'' - this has happened before with another man I fancied.

The trouble is, boys of my own age don't seem to like me, but older men do. Not quite sure why.

Wow... that sounds like some serious social anxiety there. If it makes you feel any better, NTs with social anxiety have the exact same experiences; it's not unique to Aspies.

I've been doing darts practice in the morning with my work clothes--which isn't easy when you are wearing a fitted long sleeve dress shirt, but I in my last round today I hit the bulls eye twice and hit the triple 16--good for an excellent 148 pts with American soft dart scoring.

Define "normal". As in, what does it mean to you? Lots of friends? Paying better attention? What?

I personally doubt it.
But remember "When in Rome, do as the romans" do. That is how I look at it now. I visit "Their" world to work, shop, etc. so I can try to appear as "normal" as possible. Not 100% successful, but with practice I have all the basics down.
I still have difficulties with dating/relationships, but otherwise not too bad off.

Sincerely,
Matthew

I don't look upon neurotypicals as being these perfectly well-adjusted superhumans because I see neurotypicals every day and I know for a fact that they are not perfect, and being neurotypical isn't all it's cracked up to be - the only reason why I wish I were neurotypical is because I hate having insane outbursts over tiny things what seem big to me, and also having lack of normal social skills. If I could just live a life where I can deal with tiny things a little better and have better social skills, it would then be better. To me, being Aspie means I have big things to worry about what most people worry about, AND all the little things too, what most people just take for graunted or comes to them naturally. So I have twice as much to think about as the general population, then people wonder why I sometimes forget to conform.

What's normal? Even when I think I know someone and I think they've got everything together, I eventually find out there's something about their life which is incredibly stupid or mind boggling and I wouldn't want for myself. Even the seemingly 'perfect' folk are nowhere close to perfect. Come to think of it, I might actually be one of the most normal people on the planet.

Well every counsellor I've ever spoken to says, ''who is normal?'' when I say, ''I wish I were normal.'' I think the word ''normal'' is more subjective. Like if a young girl starts her periods and is still unsure what it is, a doctor will say, ''it is normal for you to bleed on your period, there is nothing to worry about.'' I suppose people just say ''normal'' as a quicker way to describe ''the average NT'', but many people (like myself) take in a logical way and think ''normal'' means ''every non-Autistic is perfect, no matter what circumstances''.

I don't think you can describe a whole person as ''normal'', but more so the things they do. Just because I'm Aspie, doesn't mean everything I do is abnormal and inferior to the general population. I can't say what I am doing right now is abnormal. I'm going to go to bed soon, is that abnormal? Tomorrow I'm going to meet a friend and we're going for coffee, is that abnormal? I enjoy having conversations, is that abnormal? I will probably scream and cry and panic if it snows again - I may consider that as abnormal, but that doesn't make the whole me as an abnormal person. There are plenty of things I do that are considered normal, like there are a few odd quirks about me that are probably considered abnormal to most people.

I also hate it when Aspies think NTs aren't weird, only the 1 percent of the whole population are weird and that's those on the spectrum. Personally I think that's a silly stereotype and a myth, and you can't know many people if you believe something like that. I've met lots of people throughout my life who are non-Autistics but are very weird, have done things that others look upon as weird and creepy.

Very well said. I think maybe every NT out there has a little bit of weirdness inside them--or maybe even a lot of weirdness. Makes them seem a lot less intimidating, and a little more familiar and less foreign.

Now, if we could tell them that it's okay to let their weirdness show...

My friends nephew was diagnosed with Aspergers as a young boy, and now at 12 has had the diagnosis recanted which I believe happens to around 15% of those diagnosed so I guess the answer would be 'yep'.

It even comes down to simple things like these:

I don't drive so I walk my daughter to school. If it's raining, I dress apporopriately and still walk, of course. But, my 'normal' friend will look at the sky and say, 'I think it might rain, I'm taking the car, do you want a lift?'. To me, this is not normal, the rain won't harm you. Why waste petrol and tyre rubber? Let's not even mention the environment.

Then I'll tell some mums about a free activity day for little kids, at a museum or park. We've been before and I tell them how much fun their kids could have. So they say 'That sounds fantastic, thanks for letting me know', in a really genuine voice, ask me for details, even take notes of websites, times, etc. But, do they go? No. Why not? They went shopping instead. I don't think this is normal either, not that I argue with them. I might say, 'Oh well, maybe next time'.