It was a brain surgery, she had a meningioma I think (the doctors said it was benign).
I think I did feel a little stress perhaps. I'd compare it to the disappointing feeling of not being able to play with a friend because he's studying for an exam. I can sympathize, but the empathy seems to be lacking and it worries me that I lack it because I want to feel "normal".
However, I do become saddened by sad stories and angered by injustice.
I think it might be that I subconsciously don't want to deal with these emotions because focusing on them would overwhelm me. I could easily feel paranoid or hold grudges against bad people, but I can't hold my attention for that long on such things. I do seem to have mild social anxiety though, which often helps keep my focus on what I'm expected to focus on.
I was gong to write another paragraph that focused on questioning why I seem slow to emotionally react unless something is brought to my attention, then I realized I answered my own question: my lack of focus. Seeing that I lost focus on the reality of my lack of focus further proves my extreme lack of focus and leads me to be easily swayed into any opinion because I will easily forget my original opinion and begin considering other ones as if to get a "second opinion". Perhaps subconsciously I just want to hear what I want to hear or I just want to fit with someone of another opinion. In other words (in the context of this discussion), I'd like to think I'm autistic, but I know I'm not, but I seem to want to deny the evidence that proves I'm merely inattentive and being inattentive fuels my evasiveness of reality.... This paragraph is an example of me sharing my own introspection of myself... I'm not good at thinking before I talk, so I often edit my posts when I notice my reasoning going off on a tangent. It's as if I test conversations in my head with logic to see if it passes scrutiny...
31 Mar 2012, 6:21 am
