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Why am I to blame?

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mike_br
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25 May 2012, 11:58 am

I do insist in a possible solution: warn those close to you that you have some problems communicating and ask them to clearly point it out when it happens.

Sure, you're still subject to the rest of the world, but it's a start ;D

Good luck.



NicoleG
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25 May 2012, 1:07 pm

jonny23 wrote:
I don't think trying to make someone feel better should be against your standards if they where truly hurt by something you did. What is it that you think you'll loose? They will likely only think better of you, not less.


It's my standards of them expecting me to feel guilty when I do not. It makes me feel manipulated. I don't mind helping someone deal with their own emotions, and as I said, I do care, but if it's at the cost that I am being made to feel bad for it, then that's when I draw the line. I just don't really know how to properly draw that line without making a bad situation worse.

I will feel bad if I truly think I have done something wrong, but there are times when the rest of the world is telling me I've done wrong, but I disagree. Standing up against the world telling me how I'm supposed to be feeling is tiring.



NicoleG
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25 May 2012, 1:10 pm

mike_br wrote:
I do insist in a possible solution: warn those close to you that you have some problems communicating and ask them to clearly point it out when it happens.

Sure, you're still subject to the rest of the world, but it's a start ;D

Good luck.


Yeah, my close friends get this already. They rarely get defensive or take offense at the truth, regardless of from whom it's coming. They are also more open-minded to change when the truth conflicts with their beliefs. They have tough hides.



mike_br
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25 May 2012, 1:22 pm

NicoleG wrote:
Why is it that if I say something that offends someone else, yet I had no intentions of offending, I am the one held accountable for the other person being offended instead of the other person being held accountable for wearing their emotions on their sleeve and taking offense when I meant none?


I see, good thing you have friends!

As for your question, it's sadly simple: People are opaque to each other, as Thomas Hobbes so brilliantly put. We have no way of accessing other people's minds except through external gestures (body language, voice etc). Well, people with Asperger's are not very good at it, so we have problems communicating.

Aspergers are held accountable (in general) because they are the ones who can not communicate well. We pass the wrong signals. Really, it's not their (NTs) fault. I believe we must learn how we can.

Etiquette is wonderful. I've learned that placing some formal words, as meaningless as they might seem, makes everything easier. "Please" at the end of a request; "Sorry for anything" at the end of conversations; "I didn't mean it, really".

Well, just wanted to share my views and the solutions I've come across.

Again,
Good luck, I hope you overcome your difficulties :D