Things YOU Understand (but Don't Understand) About NTs

Post Reply New Topic

I believe in tolerating people, even if I dislike them or they dislike me for whatever reason, I still believe in being polite and TOLERANT. Many others don't share this view. If they don't like someone, that's all the justification they need to be malicious.

The second example was of someone who is the exact opposite. Someone who really likes me, for whatever reason, dislikes someone else, treats the person they dislike like crap, and gives me a "pass" of sorts. It still doesn't feel right to be, even if I'm "benefiting." I still think it's wrong.

Maybe you disagree? That's cool, elaborate.

I don't believe in being malicious for any reason, intended or not.

So when someone is friendly with you, but malicious toward someone else, how does it make you feel about that person?

That's not limited to NTs. It happens on this forum all the time.

Chitchat. I work with the public, which is difficult enough. I accept payments at the counter, and it's usually, "Hello," I take their payment, provide their receipt, say "Thank you," and that's it. HOWEVER, when they start the small talk, it's sometimes nearly unbearable. I had a lady come in last week, for example, and she just went on and on about her daughter's new baby and how there were complications and how she just got back into town and blah blah blah. Meanwhile, I'm not making any eye contact with her and I'm slowly moving away from the counter. And NTs say WE'RE the ones who can't take a hint! I'm not a robot, but damn, do I really need all that information?

This one really rubs me the wrong way when it is applied to science. The proof is in their hands but it contradicts whats believed as fact, so the study and the scientist go to there grave not making the difference that they should have.

1) Greeting people more than once a day, and greeting people you don't know but happen to work in the same place. Ok, it's for politeness, but I still think it's useless.

2) Discrimination on the basis of color. I get why racism existed in the first place, but nowadays I don't get the sense of use it as reason for different treatment (eg. not being allowed into a club - I saw that happening once). If I had to be unfairly judgmental or discriminatory, I would be so according to other criteria - how well a person is dressed, or behaves. [Note: I'm not from the US]

3) Verbal bullying, teasing, making fun of people, generally being mean on purpose. I get that it is a way to show off, but I don't get how it can be fun or pleasant.

4) Using tangent or irrelevant arguments, or trying to change assumptions, in order to justify one's stance in a discussion. Ok, giving up is hard, and sometimes things are not clear-cut, but still I wouldn't go off-topic just for the sake of winning the discussion.

Also other things, which I don't remember right now.

Emotions are related to the amygdala, ventral anterior cingulate, the nucleus accumbens, and likely other parts of the brain that are not coming to mind.

Motivation is handled by the prefrontal cortex.

The heart simply pumps blood through the cardiovascular system, working in tandem with the lungs to transport oxygen throughout your body, and eliminate CO2 waste.

Otherwise, I agree with what you are saying.

After an incident this week, I'll never fully "get" why so many NT adults claim they want the truth but then get offended by it. For example, I mentioned recently how in sports women generally don't have the strength men do and you keep that in mind when drawing up plays. Some people really got offended by that comment but I don't understand why as it's not my opinion: it's a biological fact. I didn't say that to insult anyone, I just pointed out why it was relevant and important to know. To make things more confusing, nobody has an issue if I say that women are more flexible and are better at keeping their cool. I suppose to add to that I'll never understand NT women in general but hey, doesn't that apply to all men

As well, while I partially "get" bullying I'll never fully get why bullies pick on the weakest they can find but NEVER on the weakest of all (i.e. with severe mental retardation). Makes no sense to me especially if they are sadistic. They also seem to overlook the exact same things they exploit in those they bully that more popular people do well. For example, those that won competitions were usually looked up to but when I won one it was like it never even happened.

I've seen this in action many times, and I've been on the receiving end, attacked for an unpopular opinion or a true fact that people "don't want to hear." I don't understand though, if they don't like hearing it, fine, but they shouldn't react with emotion and try to abuse the person who said it. I believe very much in the freedom of speech and freedom of verbal expression.

Anything having to do with understanding the duality of emotions and logic that operate within Non-Autistics; Autistics could use a comparative example...your 'special interest(s)' to explain.

How you favor your 'special interest(s)' rather than other interests....

The bias THAT you have toward your 'special interests'........

Often-times, how you discuss and focus on your 'special interests' without regards to 'others'..

Favoritism toward your 'special interests'......

A large number of situations can be explained this way BUT not necessarily all.....


TheSunAlsoRises

The other topics discuss on this thread......are simply based on a lifetime of socialization (intuitive and learned) THAT non-Autistics operate on.

The Autistics on this thread are looking at social situations in terms of set rules everyone abides by and the literal interpretations of those rules; no exceptions at ALL. (Static Socialization)

Unfortunately, society does not operate like this.... although it claims to.


The Non-Autists looks at socialization(with others) as situational..... making decisions based on a multitude of factors such as emotion, logic, cost and benefit of what they say or do, offending someone, power dynamics(social economic status relative to someone else), etc and this is all done relatively quick. (Dynamic Socialization)

TheSunAlsoRises

Last edited by TheSunAlsoRises on 25 Jun 2012, 9:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

See, I actually understand dynamic socialization in theory, long before I'd even heard of AS, this seemed to be the way people operated. I got it, but I couldn't do it. This is a good example of something I understand in terms of what, but not in terms of how or why.

And in principle, I don't care if everybody's doing it, it seems downright wrong to me.

Example(classic scenario ) : An overweight wife asks her husband is she fat. The husband sees that his wife is 20 pounds heavier than her ideal weight and her body mass index is 37 percent. The truth is THAT the husband's wife is FAT. The dilemma: In the past, the husband's wife reacted to the truth concerning her weight by taking it as a personal attack. Evidently, in high-school, she was bullied because a medical condition(unbeknown to her classmates) left her overweight and unable to participate in gym class at school. In addition, societal norms have shown THAT in this situation to tell the truth will be met with undesirable consequences in the form of a withholding of intimacy.

By knowing his wife's past and present mind states along with societal social standards, the husband chooses to answer the question with a resounding NO inorder to spare his wife grief and hurt her feelings.

The husband above could go on to marry a hundred women BUT depending upon his mind state and theirs will determine how he answers the question.

IF the husband's wife is a former athlete who wants to get back in shape; the husband's answer may be the truth given in a constructive manner inorder to encourage his wife to lose weight.

There are many different scenarios in which the literal truth can cause emotional/psychological harm at worse and at the very least make enemies.

This ability to understand the mind states of others...in relation to your own is the hallmark of ToM.


TheSunAlsoRises

Last edited by TheSunAlsoRises on 25 Jun 2012, 9:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

Criticism. If an NT has a problem with me, they do one of 2 things: they either (a) "politely" ignore me and shut me out of their day-to-day or (b) "impolitely" call me out on a perceived personality flaw, and more or less tell me that I am not worth their time. (I suspect that the people in columns "a" and "b" are actually thinking the same thing.)

I mean come on, why is it so hard to tell me specifically what behaviors you take issue with and what steps I can take to improve on that, so that we can improve our working relationship? Why do you have to take the easy way out, assume I am "bad", and cut me loose?

And while we're on the subject.

The way "friendship" works with NTs, and how the transition between "stranger" and "friend" seems to be an immediate, almost irreversible decision for them.

My perception is a sliding scale, 0 being stranger, -10 being worst enemy, 10 being best friend, everyone starts at 0 and every interaction shifts that slider to the right or the left. This in turn makes NTs regard me as "capricious".