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Why the hell do people always think i'm a guy?! !

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Pandora_Box
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20 Jul 2012, 11:48 am

Verdandi wrote:
Pandora_Box wrote:
One, I was giving the standard argument to other people's views. Second, I accept male and female because that's how people address themselves, so I accept it and respect it, and thus go by those standards. Third, but my true feelings is that gender doesn't exist.

I think that was pretty clear when I originally stated. But I guess I have to use shorter sentences.


1) The standard argument is sexist, not neutral.

2) Assuming everyone is male until proven otherwise is not "accepting male and female."

3) Gender does exist, or there wouldn't be so much of it causing so much trouble. Denying its existence when there are long-term systems of oppression based directly on gender is sort of tacky.

4) The shorter sentences comment was not necessary. I disagreed with you, but I did not insult you.


2. I didn't say I assumed everyone was male. I simply stated that I go by the standards that everyone sets.

3. For me, Gender is not a part of gaming or forum writing. What does being female have anything to do with playing video games? Nothing. Gender doesn't matter in that situation. The object is to play the game, not tell everyone on the internet your gender.



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20 Jul 2012, 11:55 am

I forgot about this. When someone hears my voice but don't see me, they think I'm a young boy even to this day.


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CWA
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20 Jul 2012, 12:26 pm

Maybe. I'm female but I act like a little man with female parts. When I'm out and about people often think I'm gay. It's partly the way I dress, I wear what I liek and what is comfortable so I'll where a start trek t-chirt with a pair of jeans, pirkenstocks, and then chuck in some expensive jewelry becuase I have it and like to wear it because it is sparkly.

I am definately hetero. But even my husband calls me a little man. He loves me though, turns out he cannot stand sterotypical females. He would lose his mind if he was always waiting for me to put on makeup and do my hair etc...

Even my daughter has picked up on it and shes not even 5 yet. She wants me to dress like lumpy space sprincess for halloween because she has determined that lsp is a "girl boy" and that mommy is also a "girl boy".



ShamelessGit
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20 Jul 2012, 1:38 pm

Heidi80 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
It's hard to tell who is a guy or not. I always assume someone is a man unless they specify they have a boyfriend, then I assume they are a woman. If someone says they have a wife or girlfriend, I assume they are a man. If they have a female avatar or a girly name, I automatically assume they are a woman. I have been mistaken as a man online and I never let it offend me. How can they tell if I don't have girl in my name or something feminine? Plus I always try and check profiles to see if they are a male or female.

But yet some people take offense to it they feel the need to insult you.


Avatars are often useless. On a lot of forums I read, a lot of guys have avatars with women in them, and tend to flip out a bit when they're taken as female.

I also do not think that people take offense just because they want to insult you.

Quote:
But the weird thing is even if you do have your gender listed or have girl in your name or anything feminine, someone will still assume you are a guy. But people pretend to be female all the time online or claim to be female because that is how they feel on the inside so they specify a gender that is misleading. There is no gender to list as transsexual or as transgender.


I think the "pretending to be female" thing is way overstated. Also, if a transgender or transsexual woman lists her gender or sex as "woman" or "female" that's not a misleading gender. There are many valid reasons that someone may not have started transition while presenting as the correct gender online, and I suspect none of them are anyone else's business. Transsexual and transgender are also not genders.

As far as assumptions go, I try to find out before using pronouns. If I cannot find any sign of the person's gender, I will simply use singular "they."




I still feel mislead when someone puts in their wrong gender. To me your gender is your outside, not how you feel.


Ermmm....no. Noone else has the right to define anyone's gender but the person themselves. If you're biologically female but feel like a male you have every right to identify as a male and to expect people to treat you like a male. And the other way around.


You may have a right to do so, but it's a useless right because 19/20 people are not going to respect it.



ShamelessGit
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20 Jul 2012, 1:55 pm

I've thought about this a bit and this is what I've decided:


1) Heterosexual males make up the majority of the internet population
2) Heterosexual males notice cleavage
3) Only females or very fat males have cleavage
4) It's easy to tell the difference between male and female cleavage
5) People draw conclusions based on common associations

C) If your avatar has a picture of your cleavage, people will conclude that you are female.

Problem solved. You're Welcome.



Dirtdigger
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20 Jul 2012, 1:59 pm

ShamelessGit wrote:
I've thought about this a bit and this is what I've decided:


1) Heterosexual males make up the majority of the internet population
2) Heterosexual males notice cleavage
3) Only females or very fat males have cleavage
4) It's easy to tell the difference between male and female cleavage
5) People draw conclusions based on common associations

C) If your avatar has a picture of your cleavage, people will conclude that you are female.

Problem solved. You're Welcome.


:lmao:


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Heidi80
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20 Jul 2012, 2:16 pm

ShamelessGit wrote:
Heidi80 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
It's hard to tell who is a guy or not. I always assume someone is a man unless they specify they have a boyfriend, then I assume they are a woman. If someone says they have a wife or girlfriend, I assume they are a man. If they have a female avatar or a girly name, I automatically assume they are a woman. I have been mistaken as a man online and I never let it offend me. How can they tell if I don't have girl in my name or something feminine? Plus I always try and check profiles to see if they are a male or female.

But yet some people take offense to it they feel the need to insult you.


Avatars are often useless. On a lot of forums I read, a lot of guys have avatars with women in them, and tend to flip out a bit when they're taken as female.

I also do not think that people take offense just because they want to insult you.

Quote:
But the weird thing is even if you do have your gender listed or have girl in your name or anything feminine, someone will still assume you are a guy. But people pretend to be female all the time online or claim to be female because that is how they feel on the inside so they specify a gender that is misleading. There is no gender to list as transsexual or as transgender.


I think the "pretending to be female" thing is way overstated. Also, if a transgender or transsexual woman lists her gender or sex as "woman" or "female" that's not a misleading gender. There are many valid reasons that someone may not have started transition while presenting as the correct gender online, and I suspect none of them are anyone else's business. Transsexual and transgender are also not genders.

As far as assumptions go, I try to find out before using pronouns. If I cannot find any sign of the person's gender, I will simply use singular "they."




I still feel mislead when someone puts in their wrong gender. To me your gender is your outside, not how you feel.


Ermmm....no. Noone else has the right to define anyone's gender but the person themselves. If you're biologically female but feel like a male you have every right to identify as a male and to expect people to treat you like a male. And the other way around.


You may have a right to do so, but it's a useless right because 19/20 people are not going to respect it.


I MAKE people accept it



Kenjitsuka
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20 Jul 2012, 2:30 pm

It happens to me all the time as well, only opposite.
People mistake me for a woman, even on the F*** telephone.

I never have the guts to say I'm not a woman, except when it's one of those &@$*$@! !! ! telemarketeers.
I'm polite at them, even though they make my blood boil and have this ritual where I say three polite lines about not being interested, wishing them a good day and hanging up.
God, the best thing about phone calls is hanging up.... :wink:


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PixelPony
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20 Jul 2012, 2:33 pm

A big thanks to everyone who spoke up for transgender rights earlier. It means a lot that so many in this community jumped to the defense. I know it made me feel safer, more welcome, and more at ease.

Thanks so much.
Pixel



twich
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20 Jul 2012, 2:38 pm

I'm almost 28 and female... I am regularly being mistaken in person not only for a male, but for my 14 year old sisters twin brother. I don't take offense because I dress in men's and boys clothing (It's more comfortable imo) and have short hair. In society it's the boys who don't wear flowery shirts and have short hair- It would offend me if I wore girly clothing or even a dress or skirt and STILL get thought of as a boy. Online, it's near impossible to tell if you're talking to a guy or girl unless it's clearly stated somewhere, so if I'm referring to someone in a post, I use third person (They, they're, their/s etc.) unless I know for a fact they're one or the other (or prefer to be called one or the other.)



ShamelessGit
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20 Jul 2012, 3:01 pm

Heidi80 wrote:
ShamelessGit wrote:
Heidi80 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
It's hard to tell who is a guy or not. I always assume someone is a man unless they specify they have a boyfriend, then I assume they are a woman. If someone says they have a wife or girlfriend, I assume they are a man. If they have a female avatar or a girly name, I automatically assume they are a woman. I have been mistaken as a man online and I never let it offend me. How can they tell if I don't have girl in my name or something feminine? Plus I always try and check profiles to see if they are a male or female.

But yet some people take offense to it they feel the need to insult you.


Avatars are often useless. On a lot of forums I read, a lot of guys have avatars with women in them, and tend to flip out a bit when they're taken as female.

I also do not think that people take offense just because they want to insult you.

Quote:
But the weird thing is even if you do have your gender listed or have girl in your name or anything feminine, someone will still assume you are a guy. But people pretend to be female all the time online or claim to be female because that is how they feel on the inside so they specify a gender that is misleading. There is no gender to list as transsexual or as transgender.


I think the "pretending to be female" thing is way overstated. Also, if a transgender or transsexual woman lists her gender or sex as "woman" or "female" that's not a misleading gender. There are many valid reasons that someone may not have started transition while presenting as the correct gender online, and I suspect none of them are anyone else's business. Transsexual and transgender are also not genders.

As far as assumptions go, I try to find out before using pronouns. If I cannot find any sign of the person's gender, I will simply use singular "they."




I still feel mislead when someone puts in their wrong gender. To me your gender is your outside, not how you feel.


Ermmm....no. Noone else has the right to define anyone's gender but the person themselves. If you're biologically female but feel like a male you have every right to identify as a male and to expect people to treat you like a male. And the other way around.


You may have a right to do so, but it's a useless right because 19/20 people are not going to respect it.


I MAKE people accept it


Do you mean in real life or online? I can accept it just fine but in my experience people ignore you or laugh at you if you don't fit into their preconceptions. I think most people would have difficulty thinking about somebody in a female body as a male and vise versa. It wouldn't be very hard to do online because people can't see you.



mds_02
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20 Jul 2012, 3:39 pm

The only time anyone should be obligated, I think, to reveal that they are trans is when beginning a romantic or sexual relationship. Otherwise it is simply not anyone else's business unless the trans person decides it is.


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Kalika
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20 Jul 2012, 4:45 pm

Perhaps this is going slightly off-topic, but this thread brings to mind a guy whom I encountered in a chat room a few years back - his belief was that anyone who couldn't immediately produce a "live" pic was lying about their gender. (in other words, because I didn't have a functioning webcam at the time, he insisted that meant I was really a man)



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20 Jul 2012, 5:52 pm

Funny story:

When I was 17, I was chatting to someone new online and she was 16. She told me her body measurements and then I told her mind and she went "BS" because she didn't think you could have 38 inch hips and 27 inch waist. Then when i mentioned my chest being a 36, she said "Oh you're a guy, you can be honest with me and tell me and I won't tell anyone" and I refuse to lie to her telling me I am a guy and she keeps calling me a liar and we both argue over body measurements and mine. Then she said "Your pants would fall off if you had that tiny waist and I said my hips are bigger than my waist so the pants stay on and she said "you're a liar." The argument ended after that because I had to go to bed. That incident had me upset for a few days and I couldn't stop thinking about it and talking about it and one of my other online friend's told me "She was maybe a guy herself and she was messing with you." I felt better and thought "yeah maybe she wasn't a girl and she was actually a guy." The term troll didn't exist in my vocabulary then for the internet. I didn't know what the term meant then.

But I look back and see what an idiot she was. Women's hip sizes are always bigger than their waist size. Could she have been a real idiot or just a troll? I will never know for sure. But I have not spoken to her since. I decided if anyone ever calls me a liar, they go on my block list and I never speak to them again. better than wasting my time arguing with them and trying to prove them wrong and try and convince them I am being honest. But sometimes I just laugh at their stupidity now than being all upset about it. Good coping mechanism.


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Last edited by League_Girl on 20 Jul 2012, 11:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

tjr1243
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20 Jul 2012, 8:40 pm

Dirtdigger wrote:
Yes it has because of the male interest I have though I'm a female. I've been referred to as Mister and Sir and politely correct others that I'm a female along with a LOL. Why are you getting so bent out of shape over this since apparently you have given others the impression that you are a male? Make sure your audience know you are female in your posts. But this is no reason to go off like that. That would help.


Gosh I didn't realize I was going off... I have a poor ability to convey the intended emotion in my posts, sorry. Actually, when writing the OP it was a bad day in general but I wasn't nearly as angry or frustrated as my post apparently indicated.



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20 Jul 2012, 8:51 pm

Yes, sometimes. When I went on a trip with my friends down south, a group of Dominican missionaries-students chatted with us. One of them said "Your class...all girls? Oh, there's a guy."(Points at me)
I was like... 8O
But to tell you the truth, I don't exactly hate people mistaking me for a guy. I'm pretty androgynous.

Online, I've never really encountered this aside from once on WP. (I'd like to say that I don't mind, in case you are reading this!:))


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