All arguments that involve you being blamed on you-AS traits

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daydreamer

yeah, i totally understand you. man when i get hungry i say some s**t man.

but yeah,I'm much more coherent now that I've had food.



totally with you there. we all have our days... i just wis hteh decision could be made NOw, rather than having to wait and see all the time. I imagine you do, too?

keep on truckin, babe.

this happened to me in the past too, but i more or less gave up on making sure that i have been understood. when it is only my opinion that is ignored i let go naturally because although i sometimes want to mention what i think about the matter it is not important to me if other people agree on my opinion or even notice it. if they do i like that, but if not i do not care and i already moved on once i said or wrote what i wanted to tell.

this is however not true for advice. i have become very frustrated in the past when i tried to give someone my advice on their problem and they ignore me and walk straight into the "traps" that i pointed out to them (not literal traps, that was meant as a metaphor for "unfortunate outcomes of their actions or passivity" which i assume they did not like at all because they said so and which were easily predictable (for me at least, thats why i mentioned them)).

something i really dislike about other people (and the reason why i put a lot of effort into trying to learn about more adequate social interaction and to adapt to their style of communication as far as i can) is when they underestimate me or overestimate me.

when i was younger i was treated either like i was a complete ret*d or like i was a genius and i can assure you that i am neither. in relation to the topic of me trying to give advice, the underestimation always resulted in people dismissing my advice because "i had no idea" because they assumed i was too stupid to say something relevant, and the overestimation aways resulted in people dismissing my advice because "i thought i was knowing everything better and tried to lecture them" because they assumed i was smart and bragging about it.

i therefor decided to only mention it once and when they decide that what i said is not relevant to them i accept that. when it is about something less important i ask if they want to know what i think about it and when they do i tell them, otherwise i keep quiet.

@O.P. in first post:

My sister is just like that, just has to be right about EVERYTHING, and will totally skip the point and make it about the person trying to make the point to begin with instead of the actual subject/person.

I also hate how people are always like "let it go" and then proceed to argue.

Just because we become an adult, doesn't mean we have to "shut up about our point" when other people object to them. We're all individuals, and we're all entitled to state what we believe. I've always found it stupid that people honestly expect some of us to not talk about something that we believe because they don't agree with it. It makes me want to slap them and yell "the world doesn't revolve around you!".

You know the type.

Well, I finally took to heart what someone said a few years ago. If someone won't take my advice, it's their life, and they'll either discover what I said was true or find another way I didn't know about (sometimes I can be wrong, too) and get around it, but it's not my problem. It's hard, though, when you care about someone and have seen them succeed before, only to fail by discontinuing what they did that was successful. Because then it's not just my advice they could follow, it's their own successful history.

Sometimes I forget what it means that my girlfriend might also be on the spectrum, not just that I am. She's stubborn, change is hard, she likes to do things her own way, and other parts of life can make doing the right things really hard, even if they've worked out before. If you have a parent on the spectrum, it's even harder to be heard, because you'll always be their kid. I admired my mother for the way she worked hard on herself, and it inspired me. But not everybody has that. Most have a model of being stuck in life to follow instead, I guess.

If you can get benefits and move out, do it. I had to get out of my parent's house to live alone and work on my life. If you're like me, determined to better yourself (and it sounds like you are), then living on your own could be the best thing for you. I hope you can do it. And your new independence may make your parents respect you more, too.

It seems most people's protests have a reason behind, but mine doesn't. Or, mine has a reason, but it's a reason what most other people don't understand, and so I get accused of being unreasonable or making big problems out of nothing.

My brother is a big stupid w*ker who I wish never existed. He hates my ways, and always backfires. I wish he'd move out and piss off out of my life, because at least he can actually afford to if he wanted.

I have Tinnitus, and sometimes noises like hissing sounds coming from other rooms can set it off worse. So when someone puts the kettle on in the kitchen, I can hear it from my room and has an odd roaring/hissing sound what can sometimes agitate me (due to my AS), and also cause my ears to hiss louder for some reason (due to my Tinnitus. I have other ear problems aswell). I tell people to just close the kitchen door when they put the kettle on, which is not a hard thing to do, and mostly they listen but my brother don't. So when he goes into the kitchen and puts the kettle on, he delibrately leaves the door wide open. I come out and just calmly shut it, without causing no fuss, and he comes and opens it again, expecting me not to react. If I do react, everyone's on his side, saying that I fuss over stupid things what needn't be fussed over, and it seems like they don't care how I feel. It's not like I'm trying to shut the door to be annoying, I'm doing it for a reason. He opens it for no reason, except to annoy me. But apparently he's still in the right and I'm in the wrong. And yet if I was to tell my counsellor about my ears reacting to the distant sound of the kettle when I'm in my room, I bet the first advice would be to shut the kitchen door.

I forget if I've mentioned this before, but my mother had such a bad sensory issue concerning the low sounds of bass guitar and cars idling in driveways that she reacted terribly even if I had to put my ear to the wall to hear what the neighbors were doing that my mother was complaining about. She was in charge, so she could have a meltdown or outburst without others telling her she couldn't. But I lacked understanding, too, not having the same sensory issue. My issues are different and went unacknowledged. So, I felt I had to ignore my problems and suppress them, but everybody thought my mother was being unreasonable. Even she didn't understand what was happening. So, we were all too ignorant, with Asperger's not even being known in English speaking countries in those days, to know what to do. I now wish I could've known how to help her then.

These days, such ignorance is more willful. Joe90, does your counselor know what happens when you close the door while your brother puts on the kettle? That's the issue to be addressed. Everybody else is at least having some sensitivity and respect. I guess I'd try to appeal to the others on that level, saying how much it helps when they close the door and asking why he can't do the same. But maybe you've done that already, so then I don't know what to do if it hasn't helped. I'm sorry about it.

I find this kind of thing extremely frustrating. It reminds me that it's illegal for the police to deliberately lead someone into committing a crime so that they can arrest them. That would be entrapment. But it seems it's okay, when someone knows you're hurt by something, to do it and then to blame you for how you react. It wouldn't be okay for you to do that to someone else, so it's a double-standard. Once again, one set of rules for the Aspie, another for everyone else.

Okay, I'm a bit angry today. I didn't mean to rant and ramble, preaching at everyone what we already know.

I'm coming in way late on this one, but it sounds like all of you guys got frustrated to some level. And yeah, you could have let it go, but it sounds like you're sister kinda attacked you, which I know, woulda made me relentless on proving my point. My guess is that your older than your sister, and she gets babied. And it pisses you off that your mom seems to favor her, but in reality, she's simply "less challenging" she doesn't ask as many questions, maybe she does things in more of an NT fashion.....

I'm totally speculating at this point, but.......there other way to look at it, was that you were referring to a problem ie your mom's potential AS traits ie she's not a social person, and your mom or sister don't want to face it, or talk about it. They want to talk about landmarks, and your sister's boyfriend, not important stuff.....