Do higher functioning aspies have it worse in some ways?

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shyengineer
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09 Dec 2012, 6:43 am

I can relate to a lot of this, especially what you have said Joe90. Although I wouldn't want to be low functioning. The only way high functioning is worse is that it's not obvious. I appear close enough to normal on the outside (people know somethings amiss but they can't quite put their finger on it) so peoples expectations of me are of a regular person. AS issues then get interpreted differently and labeled lazy, insolent, stubborn, selfish, unfocused, shy etc. These are obviously not good traits, especially at work. On top of that my social skills are not good and I am even worse at work politics. In the end I am one terrible employee and a dull friend.

Unfortunately people just don't know that other people can appear normal but be so fundamentally different. I didn't even know that until recently. I'm not really sure what to do about that.



BTDT
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09 Dec 2012, 3:51 pm

The way you improve your social skills is by practicing.

For a lot of folks, I've found that the intent is more important how well you execute the social skills. The hard part of a lot of Aspies, it seems to me, is to realize that if you don't do as much "real work" and spend a small part of your day on social activities, you will be considered a much better employee.

One way of looking at the situation--to an NT, there isn't any difference between designing 100 and 110 widgets--both are evident of a ridiculously gifted individual.

But, the fellow who designed 100 widgets while being approachable by his co-workers--well, he is way ahead of the bastard who designed 110--half of which are totally useless because he never considered any input from his co-workers.



Rascal77s
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09 Dec 2012, 5:21 pm

BTDT wrote:

But, the fellow who designed 100 widgets while being approachable by his co-workers--well, he is way ahead of the bastard who designed 110--half of which are totally useless because he never considered any input from his co-workers.


And the person who designed 1 widget but has photos of the CEO cheating on his wife is ahead of both of them :)



ASdogGeek
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09 Dec 2012, 5:35 pm

I think it varies from person to person honestly. for some it is for others it isnt


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urbanpixie
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09 Dec 2012, 6:37 pm

BTDT wrote:
The way you improve your social skills is by practicing.

For a lot of folks, I've found that the intent is more important how well you execute the social skills. The hard part of a lot of Aspies, it seems to me, is to realize that if you don't do as much "real work" and spend a small part of your day on social activities, you will be considered a much better employee.


THIS. A million times over.

The funny thing was that at my prior job, I got in trouble for being 'too social.' So, at my current job, determined to learn from my mistakes and show that I was 'all business'- I kept to myself and ended up being perceived as an outsider on a team that was more social.

I've learned to read my environment and adapt accordingly. How much socializing is going on? How much does the boss socialize? Which employees seem to have favor with management, and how social are they? Who do I authentically click with- I'll be a happier and better employee if I make authentic connections at work.

I've learned that I need to socialize with the right people, and be social enough so that I authentically connect with others, and serious enough so that others know I'll get the job done. I wish I'd understood all this years ago, because it's hard to change how others perceive you.

And Rascal77, your response cracked me up. That's also true, though.