What are some common social cues that you don't catch?

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Most of my difficulties also relate to reading romantic cues. To this day I cannot read if a man is flirting with me or finds me attractive and like the poster I quoted above I don't read those things well either.

What are some common social cues?

The one of mine that other people miss is I want them to leave me alone.

I am undiagnosed and readily admit I don't know for sure if I have an ASD. That said...

-Others point my quirks out to me.
-I read descriptions from other members of this forum of how they interact with others, and realize that I do a lot of the same sorts of things.
-I know I have certain tendencies but didn't always know why I am the way I am: Like, I knew I tended to interrupt people in conversation a lot, but I didn't really know why.
-I've developed at least a general cognitive grasp of social expectations over time, but am not always able to put them into practice appropriately. I know I'm supposed to say thank you when accepting a gift, for instance, but it doesn't come naturally; I have to actually remind myself to say it.
-When things go wrong in social encounters, I figure that I must be missing something.

i have no current therapists and i have no family and i have no good friends. i have tammy who is equally unaware of how i come across to other people as i am.

i will retract what i said about believing that most people who claim they have AS are fraudulent. i was rash in saying that, and i apologize for it.




i never try to copy what other people do. i simply behave in my own subjective way and i can not cross reference it to other people's actions.



no one singles me out for any unkind treatment toward me. they simply remain curt and sterile with me.
most people are courteous to me. no one is hostile to me, but i think they feel that i am disinterested in them and they are disinclined to initiate conversation with me because i am unlikely to cultivate conversation.
i just see a barren yard of sociability around me, and i am sure that i am the cause of the infertility, but i do not really care and i have no idea what i do that stunts the growth of friendships.


i have no one at the moment that can advise me on the social appropriateness of how i respond to people. tammy has less of a clue than i do. she actually finds my difficulty in integrating socially with others to be humerus.

i very much appreciate your effort to educate me on this matter, but i am not able to compare what i do to what others do because i do not understand the motivations behind what anyone does, even if what we do seems objectively identical. it is a problem in other people's minds if they have a problem with what i do, and it is a problem in my mind if i do not understand what other people's motivations are for doing the same things i do.

just because i may have an identical conclusion to something that someone else does, it does not mean that i identify with how they arrived at their conclusion. i just know that we agree in our conclusions, but i nevertheless remain estranged from the knowledge of the path they travelled to arrive at the conclusion they arrived at even though it is the same conclusion i have.



i never feel the inclination to hug people. i do not understand what hugging accomplishes. i make very few advances to other people (actually i never make advances to other people), but sometimes they make advances to me. in circumstances where other people make advances to me (like aty the funeral of my nephew) i will just let them hug me and i will pat their back, but i am emotionally void and they soon let go and move on to the next person who they hug.

i have no jealousy in my being, and i just see things as objective realities. if i am a rock, and i am happy to be a rock, then i am also not bothered by being treated as a rock.

i know i was mean and i retracted that i do not believe most self diagnosed people.


lucky you

i can not automatically identify with other people. i remain unconvinced when i read other peoples detailed descriptions about how they are. i have no capacity to truly evaluate what other people say if they say things i would not have said myself. it is a fault in me i know.



i very much know why i interrupt other people, it is because i am not interested in what they are saying and i wish to say what i think

oh well, that is life in the big smoke.

Last edited by b9 on 15 Mar 2013, 7:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

The 'Your behaviour has gone beyond the bounds of mild irritation into full-scale anger and aggression' one

People can tell me to calm down or to talk more quietly or that they were scared by my anger when I will feel I am just getting my point across, albeit forcefully as it's somethign that's got to me.

I don't know the exact point at which it's gone into 'rant' though as I will be busy expressing myself

and also if somethign angers you a lot what's the big deal about expressing it??

If you dont' express it how are people to know it's annoyed/angered you?

i do not have any idea of what you are trying to say. i am sorry about that,

your post is a classic example of why i do not understand what average people say.

blue max may be better equipped to respond to you.
i am going to exit this forum now..

Pft!! !! !

I am categorically NOT an average person!

If you don't understand what I am trying to say just ask for clarification!

Which specific parts don't you understand?

We can take it word by word if you like - how basic do you need it to be?

But to just dismiss it shows you up as being rather flippant and ignorant

If you never ask people to explain what they say in terms you understand you won't learn anything and will remain
stuck at your level of incomprehension, which is certainly nothing to be proud of; flouncing about the forum with
your dramatic exits!

Ummm-- I don't think B9 was trying to say you were average. I think he was trying to express his own deficits and it wasn't specific to you. I mean if he can't understand people here, how can he understand the "average" person out there? That's what I got from it. I think his dramatic exit was also not directed at you, but again, his frustration at his own predicament. B9 can correct me if I'm wrong, because I'm putting my own spin on it, of course LOL

Also Nessa, your writing was a little unclear. I had to read it slowly and carefully to figure out the segments of each sentence and how to break it down. I'm on the mild end of the spectrum, so I imagine someone with more pronounced impairment would have a harder time. I don't think B9 meant any ill will toward you.

Now can we all just get along

Unfortunately, that's a problem with me. I'm learning, though. To wit:

I know to hold a door open for women.
I know to let someone with just a handful of groceries go ahead of me at the checkout if I have a cart of goods.
I don't know how much food to take at an office party. I just look at other people's plates.
Talking in a conversation: when to start, when to stop - sometimes I get this right, but not always.
Saying inappropriate things - my biggest faux pas. 9 times out of 10 I will say the wrong thing and get the evil eye from somebody.

Is Tammy on the spectrum?

Ditto here. I've always felt like men aren't attracted to me because I haven't been asked out much. But then I've been told over and over again that a guy was hitting on me or showing interest and I just go "WHO was?! ! When?! What was he doing?" Most times I completely miss it, or at least misread it. The other day a guy that I am almost painfully attracted to came into my store, at his regular time and for his regular Pepsi and lottery scratch off ticket. I was talking to him a bit, but was nervous like I always am around him, and felt like I was blushing and was stuttering just a bit. I noticed similar behavior from him. But I have no idea what that mean -- is he attracted to me in the same way? Or is he just uncomfortable because he can see that I am?

Another way I misread is that I don't read a guy's attention as hitting on me but rather just "being nice." I truly don't know how to tell the difference. My father says ANYTIME a guy is nice to a woman, it means he wants to sleep with her. But seriously...what clue am I missing that tells me which direction the interaction is turning? One guy I knew -- just BEAUTIFUL to look at, but 17 years younger than me -- was hanging around me a lot and coming over to visit with me with no obvious reason. I took it that he was just lonely because he was new in town and he was glad he found someone he could relate to (I'm not a local to this area either). I was informed that every move he was making was because he was "sweet on" me. Several people told me that about him, but I just couldn't imagine how someone so good-looking could be crushing on someone so much older than himself. He even was dropping hints that he was about to dump his girlfriend and start looking for someone else. He eventually moved away and I guess I missed out.

yes. she is not AS however. she has a mild intellectual disability. it is not immediately noticeable, but after a few minutes one can tell.
she tends to focus on things like a child of 11-12 would focus on.
the best way to illustrate how she is, is to post a video that she recorded of her bedroom. i lent her my camera to record what she wanted to, and she wanted me to upload her video to my youtube page.



[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUjOdKI4p2M[/youtube]

i am sorry. you seem average to me. i can only go by what i read. you seem to be streetwise and have a lot of experience compared to me.

i did not want to burden you with the obligation of rewriting your post simply to make it clearly legible to me. i have since realized however that i should not have posted simply to say that i did not understand your post. i should have either ignored it or asked for a clarification, but it was late and i was intending to go to bed, and i was not eager for a clarification.
i used to post in threads saying i had nothing to contribute to the thread, and i have since realized that it was not necessary because the threads or posts i responded to were not directed at me, but sometimes i still fall into the trap of thinking i am being talked to when i am not being talked to.

well i did not know who your post was in response to, and also the sentences seemed not to be cognitively connected to each other. in my mind it seemed like a verbal "combination omelet", and while i am sure average people would have no trouble automatically understanding what you said, i need every word to be clearly stated in a clinical way and i can not mentally bridge innuendo's or abbreviated speech.


i understand what each word you said means. i do have an adequate vocabulary. i just did not understand, due to how they were fitted together, what the meaning of your post was.

i dismissed it because i could not understand it, and i did not saddle you with the chore of rewording what everyone else probably understood simply to make your post clear to me. the fundamental mistake i made was to comment that i did not understand and then fail to ask for a clarification. i should not have posted anything at all. sorry.



if it is necessary that i understand what someone says to me, i will ask for clarification. my level of incomprehension is something i am not proud of or ashamed of. i do not feel either pride or shame (the opposite of pride). the fact i did not understand does not interfere with either your or my life in any way so i am unsure why you are so disgruntled.




i was going to bed and that is why i said i was exiting this forum. i guess i did not add the words "for now", but i did not think that my simple statement would be wrangled into a dramatic perception that i was saying "boo hoo i'm leaving WP forever". i was just advising you that you would be talking to an empty chair if you responded to me after i went to bed.

i have posted on this forum every night for about 6 years. it is a ritual. when i get too tired to continue my investigations pertaining to my core interests, i come here as a kind of "night cap", and what you say to me can never change my routine.

i must however realize that i am close to being banned because i am soliciting grief from many people lately.

i am sorry for what i said to you so just forget it and ignore my posts from now on please? i will make sure i never quote you again.

Other people have said I talk in away that is unorganised and all over the place so you are not the first

It just comes out of my head onto the page, with editing for grammar and spelling sometimes or to try and make it clearer.

yes i was not trying to criticize her, but i unfortunately used her post to exemplify how i am inferior in my understanding of normal social conversation.
the reason i said i was exiting the thread was that i was very tired (it was about 2am) and i inadvertently was indistinct, and she thought i was going to leave the forum forever due to her disgruntlement. i only meant that i would be unavailable to talk to for about another 22 hours (i go to bed at 2am and i wake at 10 am and i play with my stuff until 1am until i get too tired, and then i talk on here for about an hour or 2 just before my battery runs out.