What causes you to lose friends over time?

Post Reply New Topic

As a child, it was because they always ended up moving away without exception. As a teenager/adult, I have no idea. It just seems like everyone that I get along with has a great time for a while, then they completely ignore me for no apparent reason whatsoever. I'm completely puzzled as to why.

I'm opinionated, stubborn and emotionally detached of other people's feelings. I don't care what the majority does. I am essentially an as*hole.

Oh, well that sucks for them I bet.

Uhm, according to the description the majority of people gives of me, those might be the same reasons why I have lost friends in the past. The only people who don't describe me like that are my parents, my current actual friends and a few other people. But my friends tend to make conflicting descriptions of me.
Julia says I am like a tsundere or a kuudere: stubborn and sulky, or cold and detached on the outside, sweet on the inside.
Christine says I am at times like a yandere or yangire and other times like a kuudere: at times sweet on the outside but brutal and harsh on the inside, other times cold on the outside and sweet on the inside.
Andrew says I can never relax; Michael says that I am a paranoid.
Alex and Harriet haven't commented my personality up to now.
My parents both agree on the fact that my personality is very difficult to almost impossible to describe.
Don't ask me what my personality is like. I don't know

My experience:

1. I only need and/or can handle one or maybe two friends at a time.

2. When with said friend(s), I do practice good listening skills at first (I had to study listening skills to do this), but ultimately end up talking their ear off about whatever my self-absorbed current interest is.

3. Then they either fade away, or....

4. I feel offended in some way or another and write them off. ( I am amazed at how quickly and easily I can do that.)

My main issue really is this:

1. My Public Self

2. My Real Self

People meet me when I am being a social chameleon. When I'm just going through the motions of being a person. Often times I feel a little robotic. I am also not very comfortable in my own skin, so I just mimic other people and try to make them feel like I'm a human being. Generally when they come close to an acquaintance. Once my chameleon colors begin to fade, the monster I really am is exposed. People don't like me.

I have a saying. Having a relationship with me is like having a relationship with fire. I can be warm, caring, gentle. I can protect people, and give them light and strength to go one. But I am fire. Fire will sometimes explode for no reason, fire spreads when fueled. Fire can burn the ones it cares for, and fire cannot be contained. When people realize they have burned by fire, they tend to stay away from it.

You appear very much like an ENFP to me. Try not to put the cotton balls in your mouth.

i forget where i put them.

I've lost friends for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they just 'moved on', which was occasionally hurtful, because they obviously sort of expected me to fade away into the background, but because I wasn't aware of that, I continued putting energy into a doomed relationship and suffered great emotional stress as a result. Other times, I have offended them with unreasonable behaviour due, in large part, to my combination of AS and bipolar. I wish that I could turn back the clock and undo the offending behaviour. And sometimes the friend in question has simply crossed me one too many times. I am very loyal to my friends but that only extends so far, and if a friend persistently abuses my goodwill then I just drop them and cut them off. One could argue that with my social limitations I can't afford to be too fussy, but I would argue that I have more self-respect than to put up with abusive and/or manipulative behaviour from people I am meant to be able to reply upon and trust.

What causes me to lose friends, is my own life philosophy to be honest: I don't cling to other people, I prefer it when I can hang with someone with no strings attached. I sometimes won't call a person for months, only to meet up with them all of a sudden on a whim. Both my platonic and romantic relationships have been like this in the past 4 years. And sometimes, people are looking for a bit more consistency than that I can offer. So, they will move on.

I personally do not consider the end of a friendship or an acquaintance to be a loss per se. I still have the memories and the experience of having known that person, so that's something that never goes away.

For me, I think what causes me to lose friends the most is when I feel like my personal space has been invaded in situations where other people wouldn't feel that way.

As an example, I don't like having people round my apartment. I consider it my sanctuary. My personal space where I go when I am overloaded by the chaos & confusion created by the outside world. I feel safe there because it is a controlled environment where I am in charge.
When someone else enters that personal space it can feel like I have been personally "invaded". Like I no longer have a safe haven/sanctuary that is predictable & ordered.

For this reason when I meet up with people I always do it outside my apartment. The problem is that most people have friends round their place and people take it for granted that they can come round mine.

Same reason as the OP, plus tend to be desperate and clingy to friends. Guess this scares them off, I think I know why