through the eyes of Autsim.What Autism feels likes

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We were outside today and it was wild! We were doing something on my car so we had to go in town to the car parts store. Then we stopped at a sub shop for lunch. It was amazing to me because I really noticed the sheer volume of sounds that I actually hear. It was really interesting because when we were in the sub shop the girl at the counter who was taking my order asked me a question and I did not hear her ask it because I got distracted by the hum of the refrigerator like the girl on the Asperger's video was talking about. I knew that sometimes I miss some things that people say to me especially in a restaurant or something but I never knew why that happened until now when I realized that I am actually being distracted by other sounds. And every little movement and significant sound like the the knives scraping the food work surfaces or the metal bins clanging, the ovens the timers. all of these were vying for my attention. But as I sat and ate I was laughing to myself because I realized that I was actually cocking my head from one side to another like a puppy as sounds and movements and colors were being acknowledged. I wonder if I cock my head a lot and did not know it.

But as we worked on the car I noticed that if I focused on that task I did not hear as much activity on the street. But the focusing on the task takes energy too so to rest from that I would not focus as much and then I could immediately hear and notice all the street stuff. And then a Cessna flew fly by and yesterday was a real treat because I saw a little yellow bi plane! So I guess it's hard because whatever you do or don't do can draining so you kind of switch from one to the other. And then a misophonic sound trigger would come like one just did as I was typing this sentence, someone drove by with subwoofers. So wow, no wonder I overload.

And as I was driving back home I noticed how distracted I get when I drive. I saw a guy on a great roadbike and I like bicycles and I ride a little bit so I kept wanting to look at it. An d the urge to want to look is so strong it's hard to not. Then I passed some houses with nice gardens and gorgeous flowers and kept wanting to look at the flowers. Then I passed one house where they had taken an old beach cruiser bicycle and painted it a real pretty blue and put it under a magnificent tree. It had a basket flower planter on the handlebars with gorgeous flowers in it. Now that's just not fair, a pretty bike and pretty flowers together, c'mon people I have to actually watch the road! I am surprised I don't have accidents. And don't let there be pretty horses or cows grazing in a field. But there is a kind of excitement when you see things so vividly so I think that constant state of "excitement" is also draining.

But even though today I was well rested and my energy was pretty good and I had eaten, I wore out fairly quickly. It is really fascinating and amazing to understand why I can get such sensory overload. And I also noticed that I could hear people talking a good distance away and when I was in line in the auto parts store I could hear papers rustling and so many little sounds in there. I never knew that I heard and saw as much as I do. I would get tired and drained an overloaded and never understood why. Now it all makes sense.

I wonder too if NT's get emotions like I get. I can be excited and happy about something and then a second later I can be sad about something because the emotions come so close together and sometimes at the same time. That can really cause overload too.