Why so much opposition to curing Aspergers?

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Insensitivite to problems is a good thing not bad. Thats a myth that all meds reduce sex drive. Some do the opposite like Wellbutrin, deprenyl, etc.

What will you be doing in the mean time while waiting for a medicationless cure?

The medical community doesn't have enough information about how the brain works to know exactly what "asperger's" is. I know of an aspie who won the nobel prize in economics. If he didn't have asperger's, would he have won the nobel prize? There's no way of knowing. One could guess that he would have not been obsessed enough, but that's just conjecture.

Even if it is a defect, treating it that way is only going to make your life worse. Would we be as technologically advanced as we are right now if there weren't anti-social guys spending their whole life programming in their rooms? Maybe. Maybe not. No one is perfect; a disorder isn't a "guaranteed source of failure" unless you make it one.

And you keep telling us about these symptoms. Is social ackwardness the only symptom you have to complain about ? As for being able to contribute, what effective contribution really requires social instincts?

BTW I bet a lot of people here could do things the average NT can't. Just don't ask them to be salespeople using hype(Frankly, I would rather have knowledgable salespeople selling to needs based on specs ANYWAY!) or "hosts" of parties.

Steve

AS is a part of who a person is. It's a different perspective and way of thinking, not a crippling disease which maims and severely reduces the quality of people's lives. I would never want to be "cured", as I would no longer be myself.

etg,

Why is it that you feel so strongly that you cannot? Is this something you’ve concluded yourself or that you have been told? I’m concerned about your use of an absolute here. It would be more challenging to find the right people to be friends with and someone to marry and have a family with, but certainly not impossible. I’m not sure where that is coming from? I’m not only somewhere out in left field from the NTs, I’m pretty inflexible about changing, but even I have friends and got married. I certainly could have had a family if that had been my desire, but it wasn’t for many reasons that had nothing to do with me being an Aspie. So, I’m just wondering where that statement comes from. Do you mind explaining? Did someone tell you this or you just feel it?




Unfortunately, for years there was a pervasive feeling that certain people (because of their melanin) could not do certain things. They weren’t good at math, science, appropriate language (i.e. good grammar), etc. They weren’t allowed to marry whites because it was felt they weren’t good enough. There was also this weird idea that it would dumb down the “white race.” I know that probably seems bizarre now (and well it should), but I can assure you, that was the feeling and not all that long ago (it was still around in the 1960’s.) So it was perceived by the majority of people that their limitations were not based on race, but abilities.

Hence, I would caution you again not to swallow whole what you read and are told. Remember that these are the perceptions of NTs. And yes, they are intolerant of you. You are different and they don’t want to adapt, therefore, they feel you must. That’s discrimination. If the world were full of AS’s, you would not seem abnormal and you would not be pressured to change, they would. So, it is discrimination…it is just justified discrimation. (There’s more of us than you so you must change.)

Having said that, if you actually want to get along with them to be friends and have a family, certainly you can do that. Again, I’m not certain why you think this is impossible without a cure. It happens all the time. Has someone told you that you cannot have these things or do you just perceive that to be the case?




This is one of the statements that concerns me. Why do you say this? What has made you reach this conculsion? Have you read something or heard something? Most people with AS get along pretty well in the world. Is there something going on we are unaware of?



etg, I can safely tell you that I have probably close to zero social instincts. Yet, even I, who is so incredibly introverted she has no motivation to get out and get along, have managed to figure out how to get along without a great deal of expense. In many cases, it has just been a matter of telling them in a way that doesn’t get their guard up. Are you still in school or are you an adult? The reason I ask is because my advice will vary by which situation you are in. If you are an adult in the work world, for example, it is perfectly acceptable to NTs if you say, I’m sorry (always lead with this), I am very literal and I cannot read non-verbal clues or subtle contexts. My brain just works differently than yours. Can you please tell me literally what you are saying (or want). This instantly deflates the situation. The person now understands exactly that you are not rude or insensitive, you simply cannot read the subtle contexts or non-verbal clues. If it persists, just say, Think of it like someone from another country, only for me it is like I’m always in from another country. My brain just doesn’t allow me to figure those things out. The reason this works (and by the way, they teach this to NTs as well) is because it makes the person sympathetic rather than defensive. Now, if they are nasty to you, they are the ones being rude and insensitive. Most people in a work place can deal with this. It might throw them at first, chances are they haven’t encountered it before. That’s okay. Let them take it in and deal with it. They can handle it. It isn’t that hard.

Now, on to the “rude” Aspie behaviors that cause us to be isolated. If your problem is that you talk and talk and talk about things that interest you but not them, explain it to them. If you find someone you want to be friends with and they seem to reciprocate, say, Can you help me? (any communications training would teach you the same thing even if you were an NT) My brain is different than yours and because of that, it doesn’t let me see when I’m boring you. So, I will talk away because I think you are interested when you want to fall over onto the floor and take a nap. (Now they will laugh because they probably do feel this way and they are so glad you realize it. It makes them feel like they don’t need to be rude.) Please, if I do that, can you make up for my brain and just tell me to stop? Sometimes it takes a couple of times, but I get it. I really won’t be offended, I will be grateful.

Now what you’ve done is offered them a polite way to get out of it. What has probably been happening, if this happened to you, is that they didn’t want to be rude and they thought you would “get it” eventually. Just like your brain doesn’t realize you are doing this to them, their brain doesn’t realize that your brain never registers their subtle clues. That is what causes the problem, not just you being an Aspie. It’s like two trains on separate tracks that never meet. So, you have to put in a connector between you and them. That’s all you are doing. Building a connector. If you offer them that, they will be glad. NT’s are taught not to be rude. They start out thinking they are doing you a favor. Unfortunately, they are speaking NT language so you never get it. They don’t get that you don’t get it. It goes on until they can’t take it. That’s when they decide you are either rude or stupid, act mean and walk away. They’re frustrated. It’s the same as your frustration when you can’t seem to find a way through to them. They are experiencing the same thing.

Remember, etg, most NTs want to help. It’s approach. Approach is an intellectual skill you can learn. You can teach them how to communicate with you. It’s really actually easy once you do it. The biggest breakdown between Aspies and NTs is because of emotion. Once they realize your difference is physical and you can’t control it, but you can work around it, they will help you. They are just sensitive to you not caring, being rude or being insensitive. In actuality, you aren’t any of these, you are just different and because of the way society has taught us all to be and you’re inability to read those clues, that is how you come across. They just need the facts. And when they say stop, no matter how much you want to go on, stop. Even beyond they aren’t interested, you may have just put them into detail overload. You need to think about their brain’s capabilities as well. Sometimes, they just can’t handle it. That’s okay.

The biggest part of relationships that cause difficulty for Aspies is reciprocation. Another Aspie will just interrupt you, NTs won’t. Now, you’ve taught them a polite way to interrupt. That’s great. Now you need to learn to reciprocate. This is just another routine so don’t let it freak you out. Just learn it like a routine. If they say stop, say Excuse me. Was there something else you would like to talk about? Now, be quiet. Let them talk. This is hard, but you can do it. Conversations are like this you + NT = conversation. It’s not you = conversation. Try to remember they should be talking as much as you. If they aren’t, time to stop and ask if they want to hear more. You will learn this by rote. It takes 28 times to form a habit. That isn’t a lifetime etg, it is absolutely obtainable. It requires you to pay attention to how long they talk, but you can do it.

ALWAYS. Always. Ask if they would like to talk to you about something. Remember, same rule. They talk as much as you talk or something is broken. If they don’t, stop and ask, Would you like to say something?

Do not be afraid to explain your difference. Intellectually they can grasp it and work with it. But, you cannot expect them to deal with it if they do not realize it exists. That is not fair and you do not like it when it happens to you (i.e. social clues). So, don’t do that to NTs. Explain to them. Use the scripts I gave you (if you are an adult, if not tell me and I’ll try to modify). I also think you need to do this with your family. It is coming across like you need to do some work there with them. You + Family = Communication. Don’t forget the plus sign. Both sides of that equation must happen to have communication.


I hope this helps. Please believe me when I tell you that you can learn to have friends and a family without a long, long process or an expensive one. My oldest brother has far worse problems than you and I combined and he has managed to have both. There really is hope. You just have to be open to it.

It may be a difficult life, but we are socially useful.
Whilst all others were dancing and feasting in the dark, the lone Aspie sat alone on a log, banging rocks together, seeing the sparks, and thinking. . .

I have AS AND i'm able to actually understand the "social games" of the normal NT, however I do not share any intrest or reason to actually be a part of them other than if its some kind of goal involved, like solving a task that requires a group of people.

Everyone has problems, or want to achieve something but can't for whatever reason, people tend to do one of two things when this happends, they either find a way to reach it using the tools they were born with or they give up and blaim it on something that they have no control over.

Sure its yours AS fault that you cannot connect to other people, there are plenty of NT's out there that has the exact same problem as you however they blaim it on other problems, the skinny guy blames it on his body because he is skinny no one takes him serioulsy everyone picks on him and no chicks wants him. the Buff guy doesnt get any friends because people find him scary or they are jellays of his body and the always talk behind his back.

The truth is even IF you got your AS cured, if the skinny guy got a little bigger or if the big guy got toned down you would all still have the same damn problems.

NO one truly knows WHAT it is that makes a person happy or how he or can fullfill his or hers needs, its a mind thing, some people are perfeclty happy with what they have and take pride in what they achieved while others that has everything and made an enourmous success never will be happy with himself and always strifes to do something better.

It's all about your mental state and how you see the world around you. its about accepting yourself and believe that the world around you thinks you are okay as you are. No matter if you are AS, SKinny, BUff or some other current stat This is a problem that alot of people fight against on a daily basis.

YOu have to be comfortable in your own skin before you can make friends, you probably have low self-esteem and lack of confidence because you think deep inside that you suck and people around you can feel it. so fix your mental picture of yourself and try it again you will see that people will get attracted to you.

You just don't get it, do you? There was a time when I was fascinated by logic and science, but that time has long since passed. I simply do not relish the idea of spending the rest of my life living with my relatives studying some obscure but meaningless fixation. The lone Aspergers sufferer did not invent fire, he probably starved to death because he didn't know who to see about getting food and shelter, to be brutally honest.



For starters, I am 19, yet I have only made one friend in my entire life. My brother is 17 and has at least half a dozen long term friends and a girlfriend. While it's hard to extrapolate rates like this, that isn't an encouraging sign.



I still don't think you understand. I am not lonely because people refuse to associate with me, I am lonely because I don't know how to interact with others. There isn't an NT supremacist group telling people to shun me, you know.



What if who you are is someone barred from happiness? Placing some kind of sacred attachment on identity even though it leads me to endless despair just doesn't make any sense.



Well I can't do anything particularly well, so all I have are handicaps, no gifts.

Tequila wins.

I assume since you have been offically dx as having aspergers doctors have explain
various treatment options for your comorbit problems. Seems like since you have such a strong motivation to solve your problems you would be working on doing that
instead of this debate.

Basically you told me you do not like your situation , have excuses why your not doing anything to improve it and now debating with the community here that you
do not understand their position on treatment. Seems like you should focus on helping
yourself. If you feel helpless this thread should be moved to the haven.

Because it's CAN only in name - in purpose it's EAN.

You know, the day people want to and can 'cure' autism - it's not gonna be some magic pill that turns Auties/Aspies into NTS. It's gonna be aborting autistic foetuses.


You know, if I wanted to be dead as badly as they would want the autistic foetuses to not be, I'd handle it myself.

Look at my blog entitled 'Spend money on promises, not genocide' for more information. I aplogize about some of the language - I was rather wound up at the time.

Actually he probably used his invention to trade for food from those who couldn't invent fire. I don't go get my own food, but I still get food and I don't live with family to do so. I get 'it.' You don't want to get it. For some reason, you have convinced yourself that you cannot get along in society and that is simply not true. It is a misperception you are harboring because you've given up. Right now you are not going to allow in anything that doesn't validate that.






Okay. This is one example. How much work have you done on socializing skills? They do not take years to develop by the way. If you want friends and a girlfriend, you need to work on it. It's that simple. Any cure, even if it happens is years off, with or without opposition. You could have learned socialization skills 100 times over by then. You need to let yourself be released from this obsession with you can't. You are trapping yourself by these thoughts. I sent you some examples on how to communicate effectively. Start practicing. It costs nothing to try.






Actually, I do understand and actually the responsibility for communication goes both ways. Having said that, you know you don't know how to interact, so start practicing what I gave you. You are quoting everything else and ignoring that. Guess what, everyone had to learn to socialize. Your brother just did it from age two on. He's still learning. You need to learn as well. You learn differently, that doesn't mean you can't learn how to do this. It doesn't mean it will take years and cost money. It means you have to make the decision to do something about it and do it. That's all it means. You control this. Not AS. Not anyone else. You do.





It does not bar you, it makes it more difficult. You are the one who chooses to believe you are barred. You could be missing an arm and you would have problems making friends and finding a girlfriend. You could also be perfectly whole and a jerk and you would have the same problem. Lots of people have this problem. Too many to count for reasons too many to count. None of them are barred from happiness. They may be challenged, but they are not barred. You are closing yourself in here. You need to stop it. You can't help yourself or even get help for yourself until you stop believing it's hopeless.






Gifts take work and dedication like anything else. If the gift you seek is socialization, you are going to have to stop saying you can't and that it is impossible. You are going to have to commit to practicing social skills in a way you can understand until you master them enough to be successful. Basically, you have to do what every other 19 year old has done since the beginning of the modern era, you are going to have to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, then do it. The one thing I can absolutely guarantee you is that nothing will change if you do not change your defeatism.

It makes me who I am and I wouldn't cure it ever because I would become a totally deferent person.

But this attitude of caring for the handicapped is a very recent one in society. Not long ago, anyone who didn't contribute was left to fend for themselves (and not just out of malice, either; our ability to support autistics today is largely due to vast resources but finite resources).



Ah, but how do I learn how to read social cues without the help of someone with a great deal of expertise in dealing with Aspergers to guide me? There is so much to learn in that area, after all, and that's an area where slipping up can ruin your chances for good.



I'm talking about things like musical talent, high intelligence, etc., things that can't be earned through work and dedication. Sure I can potentially learn social skills, but I certainly don't have the gift for them by any stretch.



As far as I know, there aren't many treatments available at my age. Most of the therapies in existence are geared towards small children apparently. Additionally, they don't necessarily have a very high success rate and can be quite expensive and time-consuming.

Anyone who thinks autism should be cured is an idiot. Remember that now.

Kinda means this entire thread is pointless then.