what do you hate hearing the most from NTs?

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anything stinking of ableism.

"Why can't you keep a job? It's not hard." Just... shut up. It's the hardest thing on the planet. Do normal people have any idea how important recognizing voice tones and facial expressions is, and hard it is to do? Not realizing I'm giving off a mocking tone has gotten me fired so many times. I don't even try anymore, you know why? because I bomb the interview in like 10 f*****g seconds. Every time I hear this line I want punch them in the face.

"I know exactly what you're going through." followed by sh***y advice like "Suck it up." or "That's just the way things go." Advice that's about as useful as getting slapped in the face.

"Why don't you wear make up and dresses like the other women." (skirts were just invented for men to peek under in my opinion)

"How was your day?" when they don't give a crap.

"How are you?" and then I start giving a detailed account of my day to answer the question but they clearly aren't listening or they think your crazy for actually answering it. Why the hell did you ask me then you jerk?

"Just relax." HOW!? HOW THE f**k DO I RELAX!? If I knew how to relax I wouldn't be flipping out at that point in time!

"Does this dress make me look fat?" or the popular variant "Does this look good on me?" when everyone damn well knows they just want to hear random compliments.

I think the worst thing on the planet is a crying person. I just don't know what to do. What do I say? If I touch them will they infect me with their sad? If I just hide from them behind a plant in the room I just look crazy and make them cry more. Can't win either way. See a person crying? Just run the the opposite direction man. Don't look back for a second.

I'd love to hear that.


I've used the reverse version myself: "If I can do it, then certainly you should be able to!"

[quote="Quill"]"

"What's wrong?"/"Smile."/"Cheer up." (Said when I'm feeling perfectly fine).

....yes i also get this constantly at work . makes me think "im actually happy thanks so quit the unnecessery remarks" i dont smile or talk unless someomne does it to me first it doesnt automaically or naturally occur to me ...you're there to work after all.

NTs: please note. Just cos I do not grin inanely like a 'chesire cat' doesnt mean I aint happy in myself

ive now - piurposely taken to trying to fake smile because im fed up of the commments but it just doesnt feel right. im doing whats ecpected of me - not what i want. if i could go around work expressionless and only smile when i want to ...i would. sadly i get "cheer up its not the end of hte world" "i know its not. the world doesnt end". then they look at me funny. the only person that understands why i say stuf like that is a colleague, whos 20year old son is ASD and very literal too

I heard this from a well meaning but VERY rich and successful acquantance. I appreciate the positive intention but this really annoyed me. It's like going up to a blind person and saying "yeah, we sighted folks are sometimes blinded by the sun I know what you are going through"


Ugh. Reminds me of when I was looking for work. I used to always get the condescending "everybody has to go through years of unemployment" talk. Bulls***! Most of the people who say this have always had a steady income and come from well off families, not to mention they are actually capable of passing a one on one interview. It's like me telling a starving refugee 'yeah, well the grocery store is out of meat I know how you feel'. If everybody had my (or the hypothetical refugees) experience there would be rioting in the streets!

I was saying recently how much of a struggle life is. One of the people who heard me told me "times are tough for everyone" while he lives in a million dollar home with three cars. Yeah f*** you. He could be laid off and survive years with the assets he has whereas I would be f***ed! These NT clowns have no idea how much of a nightmare job hunting was for me. It's like they are serving a year long prison sentence in minimum security while I'm in 24/7 solitary and they are telling me "well we are both in prison and it sucks equally for both of us".

Both from my library director (who from remarks she's made does not seem to believe not only that I have Asperger's, but that autism does not exist at all: "that child just hasn't been made to behave"):

"You can't have Asperger's, you're too intelligent."

And upon me explaining the purpose of cognitive behavioral therapy to deal with my Asperger's social skills deficits: "You were sent to EAP (employee assistance) twice. That should have cured the problem."

OMG!

Stuff like this
http://justnotsaid.blogspot.com/2012/01 ... drome.html
"I once heard another Aspie say that her child had to go to the right school "in order to earn social skills." This is a prototypically Aspergerian belief, that learning the social niceties and how to get along with others is something that you would need a school to teach you. Normal people pick up social skills through trial and error wherever they grow up, and whomever they interact with. Only someone with Aspergers would believe that you have to be "taught" how to say hello, how are you, and so on.

Now that I think of it, a specialized school just for people with Aspergers actually wouldn't be such a bad idea. Such a school might teach its students to be less robotic, to recognize humor, to banter, to look people in the eye, to not have a meltdown when criticized, etc."

These condescending do gooders who kind of get a a little bit of what Aspergers is are almost as bad as the people who think the whole thing is an excuse, criminal fraud etc.

I should have included some context to this one:
Anytime you ask for an environment change (light levels, etc.), ask for a clearer explanation of the work expected, when you know you are getting overloaded and about to melt down, refusing a request to do a task that you know you can't do, if you tell someone that you are having trouble just getting through a function or even the day. The response seems to be, "I don't see what the problem is, you seem normal to me".

Use your intelligence to solve your problems.
a. as if intelligence alone can solve everything or anything.
b. golly! I never thought about thinking about it!

At least you're smart!
- yeah, thanks, fat lotta good that does if you hadn't noticed.

...Crap, I'm stopping now before I start ranting galore. lol

"talk to people." (about what?)
"no one likes you"
"smile" (why?)
"ret*d".
"you have to dress fashionably." (no matter how uncomfortable the clothing is, or ridiculous you feel wearing it).
"get a life" ("live the way I tell you to!)
''Is not that hard, if everyone else can do it so can you" (this really eats into the self esteem)
"Why don't you wear make up and dresses like the other women." (i am not the other women! I am me)
"don't do that, thats gay!" (used to describe something uncool) ( I find this phrase stupid!! !)

There are just so many, I can't choose just one and I can't possibly list them all, but here goes:

"You're just not trying hard enough"

"That's common, so you're normal"

"You're just making excuses"/"You're just using this as an excuse"

"You say you passed driving school/tests, you can drive just fine" (my ability at the wheel isn't the issue, for those who don't know, I have sensory overload problems when driving in town or with a radio on)

"You're just lazy"

(somewhat unrelated but still relevant) "You complain too much" (I complain about not having people I can relate to, and not being able to do what others find easy, like driving)

It seems like it's always something, and it's always from people who don't have a clue about the situation I'm in.

"whatever you want to do"

I heard that one recently after telling them I can't do the things they want me to do, one of which I actually want to do.

"you're limiting yourself"

No, I'm limited, there is a difference.

"you're just making excuses"

Telling you why I can't or won't do something is giving you a reason why, not "making excuses". At least not the way people tend to use the term "making excuses" these days.

''you are such a b***h''

yes, i often have that said to my face.

also hate it when people say ''i worry about you'' or ''i feel sorry for you''. i know full well that they are not giving or feeling any thoughtful sympathy. they mean it in a critical way, like theyre looking down upon me and dont give a s**t how i feel. and nts are supposed to have empathy?

People at the store asking me, "Can I help you?".
"Look me in the eyes when I'm talking to you."
"You're a liar, because you didn't look me in the eye when you said that."
"You aren't autistic.. you are normal."
"You're heartless."
"You're boring."

These bother me the most, well. Especially the ones about eyecontact. And the one in the store. But the others also kind of. When people tell me I'm normal I somehow think they don't understand me, and think I'm a liar.