Help! Do I listen to my therapist, or do I remain Aspie?

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Is this the same therapist who was laughing at you and bullying you before? Has he become nice? Learning coping skills is cool, I would probably carry on with that. I doubt you will ever change your neurology though.

You can strap a cat into a hanglider and teach him to fly, but you won't turn him into a bird.

I see no reason to force yourself into doing or being something that you're not comfortable being. I know from personal experience that too much exposure to other people, even if it's just my family and all we're doing is sharing a room, can wind me up, drain my energy and make me physiologically desperate for solitude. Most aspies are hard-wired to require solitude as part of their daily schedule, and when they don't get it, bad things ensue. If nothing bad is coming of your so-called "regression", ie you haven't stopped bathing or shopping or going to work, I see no reason to force yourself to engage in social encounters you're not interested in. Remember, NTs come as both extroverts and introverts; a psychologist would never try to "fix" an introvert by forcing them to be more sociable, it's just not in their makeup.

This is indeed the same therapist who was laughing at me, who told me I didn't have Asperger's because I would observe emotions and show empathy; and who would often treat me harshly (perhaps as part of his method?). So he is the one I got rid of. I'll be seeing a new therapist of my own choosing now who understands Asperger's.

Congratulations!

"everyone is on the spectrum" is bull.

My perspective is that it's very good to push yourself and practice social skills, etc. Many people you will need to deal with at many points as part of the ordinary course of life are NT and they have expectations that are as much part of their neurology as your AS traits are part of yours. So it's good to learn to work with that as much as you can BUT

Be aware that you can exhaust yourself doing it and you need lots of time to recharge after... I have burnt out on numerous occasions and it's depressing to have been doing well and then fall apart.

If your new therapist can help you too practice your skills and make the most of the work you have already done, then that's great. But you must also have time to recuperate and be yourself.

Some kind of balance is the key.

What evidence do they base this on? Being able to give the correct answer in heavily simplified made-up situations with one-dimensional characters that will never happen in real life does not translate into having social skills.

You know what? I've thought of something else. While I'm glad you got rid of that awful therapist, I feel you might be more introverted. While it's true not every autistic person is introverted, a lot are. This seems like he not only doesn't understand autism, but also introversion. It seems like he's an extrovert trying to push you to be someone you aren't.

I recommend the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain

I feel as if a lot of autistic people can relate to that book if they are also introverted. It has helped my husband understand himself a lot. Even though he hasn't been tested for autism yet, he definitely has similar actions to you. I would tell him to drop a therapist very fast if someone talked down to him like your therapist did.

I hope you find a good therapist that understands you!

When people talk about social skills they mean more about understanding the rules, reading facial expression and body language and being able to have a conversation with someone.

You can interact and do stuff with people yet still have very bad social skills.

Once again, I want to thank all of you for your feedback and support.

I am very relieved that my employer has allowed me to dump my therapist who 1) did not think I had Asperger's (even though two of his colleagues who saw me twice a week in group therapy diagnosed me); 2) would often laugh and ridicule me during our sessions. Also: 3) Not to mention a fourth therapist there (yes, there were a lot of cooks in the kitchen!) who told me that "everyone is on the spectrum, so it doesn't matter what you are because [and I quote because it's so incredibly insipid while trying to be profound], whether autistic or not, 'there is no excuse for you.'" (Whatever that means.)

Now I can see a therapist who helps people with Asperger's function better in the NT world without losing their Aspie identity. I feel like I can breathe again.

Oh my does that remind me of some of my former "therapists". The bad ones use that line with everything from depression to debilitating diseases.

"We're all a little sad sometimes. That's no reason to use your depression as an excuse" -Ignores the SYMPTOMS of depression are not the CAUSE of depression, minimizes suffering, ignores symptoms of depression being legitimate, words it in a way in which you can THINK yourself out of depression or use your magical free will

This is just one quote out of many variants. As you can see, when you deconstruct it, it's nothing more than a very severe lack of empathy coupled with a lot of invalidation. Therapy is about YOU. It's NOT about the therapist. Furthermore, there are some problems that will never go away with any amount of therapy, yet you need it for years or even decades in order to maintain s certain level of emotional health.

Everyone is most certainly NOT on the autism spectrum. Jesus Christ. I can't even believe someone would use that line. What he is doing is dismissing autism as real. He is claiming it's merely something like a personality difference that you can, and should, overcome. What does it mean to use this reasoning? It means only autism isn't a real condition with real issues that need to be addressed (not changing the person, just helping them cope) but that any suffering as a result of being autistic (a lot of times brought on from others not understanding and treating you horribly) is not REAL suffering. In fact, we all supposedly go through it, and since everyone else managed to be NT, well, you just aren't trying hard enough!

Of course, none of his bull s**t is true. This guy is not only a bully, but has clearly not kept up with any advancements on autism within the scientific community. He is dismissive, arrogant, and probably one of those people who thinks all of the suffering people out there simply aren't trying hard enough, or else they would be "normal".

Newsflash to everyone: Being abnormal socially is NOT, I repeat, NOT the same as being introverted.

Do you enjoy spending time to yourself and enjoy a night with friends once or twice a month? NOT ABNORMAL, unless, say, anxiety is preventing you from being very introverted.

Do you enjoy time with yourself, are busy taking care of your family (animals, children, spouse, others) and only get to go out in public every three weeks? NOT ABNORMAL.


This guy, dare I say, is an idiot. Maybe he's jealous you enjoy time with yourself.

Yes I agree that a person needs to be comfortable being who there are and if it did make you happy to get out there and be more social and you felt comfortable, then great. If not then that is ok too. Also introverts who are NT like downtime so why shouldn't someone with ASD who is introverted also be allowed downtime.

Hope you can find a balance of using your social skills for when you need them and also be comfortable in some downtime and doing special interests.

I built my entire life based on my obsessions and regression and am perfectly happy. When I tried to mimic NT behavior I was unhappy. Do what makes you happy.

Congratulations. You did a great job of self advocating. Hope this person works out for you.