help with my daughter!?

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As for my account saying "male", my browser kept refreshing, so if I could get everything filled in in less than about 25 seconds, it would work (longer, and it restarted) so the gender sort of got over looked when there were all the other things to fill in..

Hey Octopus, So what I gathered you, the child are the OP, not your parent. I want to say one thing to you. I admire your courage and your willingness to do whatever you have to to convince your parents. Perhaps this type of posting is against the rules, I think it might be but as far as I am concerned I am glad you made this thread and I sincerely hope that your mother will listen to you now. I don't want you to go on for one more day not knowing. You do deserve to know. And the things you mentioned could very well be stims. I shake my leg too sometimes, I was just doing that this morning. So I totally understand and forgive you for being deceitful in your post and hopefully it will turn out well.

Please keep us posted on how it turns out for you. I really hope they will listen to us and start to listen to you now.
Hugs,
Skibum

Ditto this. Although technically deception, I think in this case it is very understandable why you made the posts to get replies from others in order to show your mother - I really hope this makes her listen. For her to dismiss your efforts of writing things down to try to help her understand, as being worthless and made up, sounds really hurtful Good luck!

I'm glad you posted as well. I hope the replies help you and your mother. And thanks for explaining- it did seem a bit strange! It was really a very clever approach though, and I hope everything works out for you.

Dear Octopus's mom, Any child that is willing to do what your daughter did is very much crying out for help. You need to listen to her. I know this is hard for you. My parents have special needs kids and I know how hard it was for them to accept that. But please listen to your daughter. Do not let her keep suffering the way she is without knowing for sure if she is Aspie.

This thread is so wrong. So manipulative in premise and responses. I am so duped. I rescind my post on page 1. I don't care what the OP has or doesn't have. I just know that she is very manipulative.

I don't think the story she provided really explains all the deception. THis thread reminds me of the thread where the guy claimed his son blew himself up. Something is going on here, but maybe not about needing help.

Perhaps, but if she is desperate for her mother's help sometimes that kind of desperation can make people do things like this. If having some grace and understanding can help her get the help she needs, I can forgive her. I know I been manipulative in my life too and for much less.

I would like help, I think it would make me do better in life.. But I don't know...?

it isn't just about help. I am a disappointment there, and I really want to prove that I am TRULY not trying to be..
For as long as I remember (since about age 3) all I've ever heard:
"God darnit, make eye contact"
"why don't you have friends"
"why aren't you trying in school" (trying my hardest)
"why can't you just play with them" (a whole group of kids)
"why can't you just talk"
"your too old to be wetting the bed" (I think I was 6-7... I didn't mean to though..)
"why can't you just GET OVER IT" (fearing public speaking)
"get over yourself and wear it" (something I can stand the feel of)
"stop being a pain and just go" (I knew I would have a terrible time at peoples birthday parties or at school dances..)
"why don't you ever try anything (food) new"
"what are you doing to get bullied all the time, just stop it" (the neighbors kid even saw that I was getting bullied and mentioned it once in elementary, and a couple times in high school)
(she was a good student, why couldn't I be)

No matter what it was I was doing it wrong and disappointing her no matter how hard I tried. by bringing up AS I am trying to show what I, and many other people, see in me, trying to show her that I am not trying to do the things I am doing.. but.. She is going to be mad anyways. I just want am understanding with her.

Does that make sense?

I feel bad for this thread.
I know I will be in trouble, this is the worst or second worse thing I have done.. (I accidentally left the hose on and flooded part of the pasture...)
I know she will be furious with me. I just don't know what to do..
I appreciate the support, I understand the anger/disgust/confusion.
I just.. I don't know what to say or do?

Has your mother ever told you why she doesn't think you have AS? If the symptoms we were responding to were the symptoms you posted, and for one reason or another she doesn't believe that you exhibit those symptoms, is our feedback going to make a difference? She could easily claim that you were wrong in what you told us and that you don't exhibit the symptoms you describe. I would really try to find a way to talk to your teacher about what he suspects you have; his insight is potentially much more valuable, as he is not a faceless username on the internet but a real person involved in your, and therefore peripherally her, life. It can be scary to talk to people face to face, I always find it's much easier to send an email or written note, that way I have time to think about exactly what I want to say and how I want to say it, and it also gives the other person more time to think about what I said and give a more thoughtful response. If you have your teacher's email address I would write to him, if you don't, see if you can ask him for it, just say there's something you want to ask but would feel better about doing it when not face to face. I know what it's like to not have your parents believe you: before I'd heard of AS, I thought my problems were due to high sensitivity, a clinical neurological difference but not a "disorder" in the diagnosable, categorizable sense. My mother refused to believe what I said, even in the face of my evidence. She was right, but only sort of. She was right that I didn't have what I thought I had, but not that there was nothing wrong with me. I hope you manage to convince your mother to at least consider the possibility, and if not, if you are in fact 18, chances are you'll be out of the house or away at college before too much longer, and will be able to start making your own decisions about your life, so her opinions will no longer be relevant.

Octopus, I believe you and I think you should show your mother this thread. There have been some people in the past who have made up stories that were lies in order to start threads and get attention here on WP. One person even went so far as to make up a story that his son was trying to kill himself and it was all false just for attention. This hurt a lot of us here because it seemed so real and serious so people are little wary after that incident especially. But I believe that you are being honest. I don't see any reason why you would make this up. It feels like you are having a very hard time with this and I really hope that you can show this to your mom and that she can help you get a diagnosis. If you were being dishonest I think you have have said that after a couple of the people challenged you on it. But I think that you are being sincere. You might even want to show this thread to a counselor at school. Perhaps they will have a new perspective if they read it.

StarTrekker and I wrote our posts at exactly the same time so I just read hers after posting mine. She makes a good point. You may want to show this or talk to someone at school first because it is possible that your mom may not even believe this thread. I know that in the school district where I live there are guidance counselors that work specifically with Autistic students in the mainstream schools. See if your school or school district has something like that. They would most likely be your best bet and then they could talk to your mom about it. But Like StarTrekker said, you are 18 so technically you are of age, I don't know if that goes by state or if it is 18 or 21 but if you are of legal age you can pursue your own diagnosis yourself. It is expensive but if you are of legal age you don't need your parents consent to look into it. And you may be young enough to find resources that will help you.

The problem is that I (just squeaked by and) graduated last year, I feel that I talked to the counselor enough that she may be willing to speak with me even.though I am no longer a student, but I am not sure.. As for the teacher, he was very nice and helped me along, I fell asleep in class once and he went to the teachers lounge and got me coffee! He was the best, but I am not sure if he could tell me or not... (I know for a fact, that a teachers isn't supposed to/allowed to hint to parents that their kid might have something, but I have seen them leave hints to the kid... And then the chain goes on)

but what do I do? Just email him "hey, remember that day last year and two months ago when you asked me if I had talked to my IEP, and then was upset to find I only had a 504 plan...? What did/do you think I have"...?
How would I word that...?

adults or children? aspie children get along really well with adults because they are given specific instruction on how to behave and clear rules and many aspies are very rule oriented. Conversely NT children abhor rules and get into trouble in the name of "fun" and so tend to get on poorly with rule oriented adults and aspie children.

Perhaps something along the lines of, "Hey, it's Octopus, just wanted to write and see how things were going, how's your new semester so far? [insert one more line of friendly banter here]. Anyway, I've been doing more research into autism spectrum disorders lately because I can't help but feel that there's something different about me [you may want to describe those differences briefly, but don't go into too much detail right here or you'll lose the thread and go off on a tangent]. I was reminded of that day last year when you expressed surprise at the fact that I didn't have an IEP, only a 504 plan, and I was curious as to why that concerned you; did you have any thoughts as to why I would need an IEP? What sorts of traits did you think I exhibited to warrant accomodations like that? Anyway, hope your semester is going well [add a line of closing pleasantries here], hope to hear from you soon, Octopus"

That's just a general idea, but it's the sort of thing I would write if I were looking to get information from someone. You'll know better the closeness of your relationship and therefore the type of writing style that would best fit the occasion (what I wrote above is what I would send to my close friend and old mentor/teacher; if I were writing to a current professor I didn't know, I'd be much more formal). Good luck, I hope your teacher is able to help you out.

Yes, I think that you can definitely talk to your counselor from your school even if you are no longer a student. It might even be to your advantage because they can speak to you freely now since you are not in the school system with them anymore and since you are 18 they should be able to speak to you without having to consult your parents. And you will be surprised how your teachers and counselors remember you. I recently contacted an old teacher I had over 25 years ago and he remembered me as if I had been in his class yesterday and he was thrilled to hear from me. Generally teachers are very happy to help any student they have had so I am sure that they will be very willing to talk to you. If they cannot help you directly they may know people who can. But it is definitely absolutely worth a try.