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Do you feel you fit in WP???

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NiceCupOfTea
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11 Nov 2014, 6:58 pm

B19 wrote:
One thing I notice is the tendency of some members to immediately attack people who disagree with them. Most of these take this form: instead of simply saying "I disagree", they go straight to "you are wrong" and in doing that, they are automatically placing themselves above the person they are disagreeing with.

I do understand that some people have a psychological need to do this, that some fall into the trap of putting others down because they need to feel better about themselves, and they don't know how else to do that. Hopefully when they know better they will do better. Though it does blight this place for me. However there are more good things than bad, that's for sure.

Also, can I say to those very few who routinely use sarcasm to put others down:

sarcasm is not a form of humour; it is a form of anger. It is not clever; it is aggression. There are much better ways to own and deal with the your anger, better for you as well as your targets. Sarcasm is a no-winners action.


Yes it is.

And I'm an Aspie: I don't mess around with language, I just say what I think and feel. If I think you're wrong, I'm gonna tell you that. Likewise if you think I'm talking a load of crap, you can tell me that. The way I see it is this: 'polite' language is usually saying exactly the same thing as less polite language: it's just more polite! I can tell someone 'til the cows come home that "I disagree", but the meaning is exactly the same as telling them "you're wrong" - in both cases I think they're wrong! I do tend to use the acronym IMO (In My Opinion) quite a lot in my more opiniated posts, but I only do it to mitigate the possible butthurt, tbh. Basically, everything I write and everything else that other people write that isn't strictly factual is a statement of opinion; the acronym IMO should be a redundancy, IMO.

Feel free to think that I'm flat out wrong.



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11 Nov 2014, 7:24 pm

B19 wrote:
One thing I notice is the tendency of some members to immediately attack people who disagree with them. Most of these take this form: instead of simply saying "I disagree", they go straight to "you are wrong" and in doing that, they are automatically placing themselves above the person they are disagreeing with.

I do understand that some people have a psychological need to do this, that some fall into the trap of putting others down because they need to feel better about themselves, and they don't know how else to do that. Hopefully when they know better they will do better. Though it does blight this place for me. However there are more good things than bad, that's for sure.

Also, can I say to those very few who routinely use sarcasm to put others down:

sarcasm is not a form of humour; it is a form of anger. It is not clever; it is aggression. There are much better ways to own and deal with the your anger, better for you as well as your targets. Sarcasm is a no-winners action.


Sarcasm can certainly be a form of humor, ever hear of satire?

Also could it be sometimes people are confronted with things they find to be wrong? Its not nessisarily putting oneself above someone to say they are wrong. Everyone is wrong sometimes anyways.


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Sweetleaf
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11 Nov 2014, 7:29 pm

Graelwyn wrote:
Happycampus wrote:
Honestly, no. I'm actually disappointed after what my psychologist told me about this site. I certainly prefer it here over other places, though.

My primary issues with this site are the envy I develop when I see how much more socially successful many of the people here are, and the anxiety about my future I get when I see how miserable some people here are. Granted, both of those issues are entirely on me, but it still isn't fun when you enter an online community hoping to feel better about yourself, only to come out feeling worse.


I must confess that one of the things that drove me away in the end, added to a little drama revolving around me and another former member, was the negativity. There was just so much negativity and this overwhelming poor me attitude coupled with an 'us vs the NTs' thing going on. Yes, it is damned hard at times being on the spectrum. I have spent decades with it, undiagnosed until now, alongside a myriad of mental health issues but there comes a point where you realise that you have more chance of getting somewhere if you work on finding the positives and potential, no matter how seemingly small, and work on nurturing those.

In the end, in spite of my tending to be a glass half full person by nature, I found wp had become incredibly depressing by the time I left.


Contrary to that I notice a lot of people accused of just being the epitome of 'poor me' when all they want is a little support....Sometimes I think people are too quick to accuse people of things here. I mean sometimes things suck and people need to vent, doesn't help when all they get is 'well stop feeling sorry for yourself, life is hard.' seems like sometimes struggles of people are minimized due to the assumption they are just not trying hard enough.


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11 Nov 2014, 7:35 pm

Zajie wrote:
I love WP because of the posts and everything others mentioned in their replies but some reason I keep getting the vibes of so many people here finding me annoying or stupid, I know this might only be me and that it might not be true but does anyone here feel that way???

I get the feeling too. I like posting pictures and have a way of talking that probably isn't what other autistics like to hear. For these reasons and maybe more I feel like other members find me not truly autistic or not likable. But it's a feeling and we're practically wired to have feelings like this. To search for reasons where we might not fit in. At the same time, this isn't meant to be the "normal world". We're supposed to be able to relax and express genuinely. Yet, just like in the normal world, we have differences from each other. That's pretty complicated when you think about it.



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11 Nov 2014, 8:28 pm

Out of all the places I visit on the internet and have since CompuServe and AOL, WP is without a doubt the place I come to find peace and understanding. It is the one place that I feel at home even more so that in my own home with my husband.



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11 Nov 2014, 8:30 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Graelwyn wrote:
Happycampus wrote:
Honestly, no. I'm actually disappointed after what my psychologist told me about this site. I certainly prefer it here over other places, though.

My primary issues with this site are the envy I develop when I see how much more socially successful many of the people here are, and the anxiety about my future I get when I see how miserable some people here are. Granted, both of those issues are entirely on me, but it still isn't fun when you enter an online community hoping to feel better about yourself, only to come out feeling worse.


I must confess that one of the things that drove me away in the end, added to a little drama revolving around me and another former member, was the negativity. There was just so much negativity and this overwhelming poor me attitude coupled with an 'us vs the NTs' thing going on. Yes, it is damned hard at times being on the spectrum. I have spent decades with it, undiagnosed until now, alongside a myriad of mental health issues but there comes a point where you realise that you have more chance of getting somewhere if you work on finding the positives and potential, no matter how seemingly small, and work on nurturing those.

In the end, in spite of my tending to be a glass half full person by nature, I found wp had become incredibly depressing by the time I left.


Contrary to that I notice a lot of people accused of just being the epitome of 'poor me' when all they want is a little support....Sometimes I think people are too quick to accuse people of things here. I mean sometimes things suck and people need to vent, doesn't help when all they get is 'well stop feeling sorry for yourself, life is hard.' seems like sometimes struggles of people are minimized due to the assumption they are just not trying hard enough.


Well you could look back through my ancient post history and would most likely not find a single example of me telling anyone they are not trying hard enough or to stop feeling sorry for themselves. I am speaking of some years ago, when I stopped being a regular member here. In my past, I was nothing but supportive to others, especially in the haven, but in the end, it was overwhelming the positivity on the site, at that time and it can drive you down if you atr battling to try and push past your own negativity and pessimism. Since I have not been here in years, barely at all during your time here, I certainly cannot be blamed for any accusations during your tenure here :)


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11 Nov 2014, 8:48 pm

NiceCupOfTea wrote:
B19 wrote:
One thing I notice is the tendency of some members to immediately attack people who disagree with them. Most of these take this form: instead of simply saying "I disagree", they go straight to "you are wrong" and in doing that, they are automatically placing themselves above the person they are disagreeing with.

I do understand that some people have a psychological need to do this, that some fall into the trap of putting others down because they need to feel better about themselves, and they don't know how else to do that. Hopefully when they know better they will do better. Though it does blight this place for me. However there are more good things than bad, that's for sure.

Also, can I say to those very few who routinely use sarcasm to put others down:

sarcasm is not a form of humour; it is a form of anger. It is not clever; it is aggression. There are much better ways to own and deal with the your anger, better for you as well as your targets. Sarcasm is a no-winners action.


Yes it is.

And I'm an Aspie: I don't mess around with language, I just say what I think and feel. If I think you're wrong, I'm gonna tell you that. Likewise if you think I'm talking a load of crap, you can tell me that. The way I see it is this: 'polite' language is usually saying exactly the same thing as less polite language: it's just more polite! I can tell someone 'til the cows come home that "I disagree", but the meaning is exactly the same as telling them "you're wrong" - in both cases I think they're wrong! I do tend to use the acronym IMO (In My Opinion) quite a lot in my more opiniated posts, but I only do it to mitigate the possible butthurt, tbh. Basically, everything I write and everything else that other people write that isn't strictly factual is a statement of opinion; the acronym IMO should be a redundancy, IMO.

Feel free to think that I'm flat out wrong.


Sarcasm is a sense of humor, but when it's used to make some else feel bad intentionally, the only person laughing is the person using the sarcasm (and anyone else on their "side"). Much humor in general, on a basic level, is just making fun of someone else or a group of people. Paradoy. Like on Saturday Night Live. But if you're having a discussion, it's better to try to not make others feel bad. Unless you want to make enemies. I notice people say so many things through social media that they would never say to someone's face in public. If we're trying to better ourselves and make life easier to cope with, I think it's better to try and be sociable to some extent. It may not feel natural, but it's an exercise in leading a more pleasant life. People tend to give back what is given to them. So if you belittle them, don't expect them to treat you well either.



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11 Nov 2014, 9:16 pm

Graelwyn wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Contrary to that I notice a lot of people accused of just being the epitome of 'poor me' when all they want is a little support....Sometimes I think people are too quick to accuse people of things here. I mean sometimes things suck and people need to vent, doesn't help when all they get is 'well stop feeling sorry for yourself, life is hard.' seems like sometimes struggles of people are minimized due to the assumption they are just not trying hard enough.


Well you could look back through my ancient post history and would most likely not find a single example of me telling anyone they are not trying hard enough or to stop feeling sorry for themselves. I am speaking of some years ago, when I stopped being a regular member here. In my past, I was nothing but supportive to others, especially in the haven, but in the end, it was overwhelming the positivity on the site, at that time and it can drive you down if you atr battling to try and push past your own negativity and pessimism. Since I have not been here in years, barely at all during your time here, I certainly cannot be blamed for any accusations during your tenure here :)


I see no specific blame directed toward anyone in particular. It looks like general frustration from both posters.

ya know, just saying.


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11 Nov 2014, 9:27 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
B19 wrote:
One thing I notice is the tendency of some members to immediately attack people who disagree with them. Most of these take this form: instead of simply saying "I disagree", they go straight to "you are wrong" and in doing that, they are automatically placing themselves above the person they are disagreeing with.

I do understand that some people have a psychological need to do this, that some fall into the trap of putting others down because they need to feel better about themselves, and they don't know how else to do that. Hopefully when they know better they will do better. Though it does blight this place for me. However there are more good things than bad, that's for sure.

Also, can I say to those very few who routinely use sarcasm to put others down:

sarcasm is not a form of humour; it is a form of anger. It is not clever; it is aggression. There are much better ways to own and deal with the your anger, better for you as well as your targets. Sarcasm is a no-winners action.


Sarcasm can certainly be a form of humor, ever hear of satire?

Also could it be sometimes people are confronted with things they find to be wrong? Its not nessisarily putting oneself above someone to say they are wrong. Everyone is wrong sometimes anyways.



In response to your question, (which sounds sarcastic) the answer is yes, I first heard of it about 50 years ago. Martha Anderson in this quote nicely explains the difference between sarcasm and satire:

""Satire humorously and effectively makes a constructive point and shows the absurdity of a point of view, of a lifestyle, of a situation. The intent and end result can be instructive and edifying.

Sarcasm, however, most often is used in one-on-one verbal conversation or in email or text messaging as a conversation starter (and often stopper!), or as what is thought to be a witty comeback or humorous jab. The sarcastic person thinks they are being witty, clever or humorous, or they may simply be a social misfit who doesn't know how to communicate in any other way, but their words can come across to the recipient as hurtful, demeaning, or even downright cruel. Not instructive -- not edifying -- not really accomplishing anything positive for either person."



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11 Nov 2014, 9:32 pm

Not really, I generally glimpse the questions and hardly response. I am also a fairly new user so I don't get on that much.



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11 Nov 2014, 9:38 pm

I don't feel that I fit in on WP. I feel that I'm very different from most people here and I also don't feel that some of the members accept me as I am. There have been times that I was starting to feel comfortable and open up that a bunch of members would attack one of my main special interests in the section that I post in the most. Seeing those threads bump repeatedly to the top of the page have made me wonder when the nightmare was going to end. I guess I'm a misfit, no matter where I am. It makes me wonder if Ray Davies wrote the song, 'Misfits' for all the Kinks Fans who feel that they are overpopulated by people who enjoy music that's more popular. I'm the only Olympic nut here as well. I also feel that it's better for me to be myself than it is to force myself to enjoy and live in the present, but there were members who have tried to convince me otherwise.

The thing that keeps drawing me back are the members who do understand me and my desire to support and help others when I can. I also feel a sense of community at times.


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11 Nov 2014, 9:39 pm

SignOfLazarus wrote:
Graelwyn wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Contrary to that I notice a lot of people accused of just being the epitome of 'poor me' when all they want is a little support....Sometimes I think people are too quick to accuse people of things here. I mean sometimes things suck and people need to vent, doesn't help when all they get is 'well stop feeling sorry for yourself, life is hard.' seems like sometimes struggles of people are minimized due to the assumption they are just not trying hard enough.


Well you could look back through my ancient post history and would most likely not find a single example of me telling anyone they are not trying hard enough or to stop feeling sorry for themselves. I am speaking of some years ago, when I stopped being a regular member here. In my past, I was nothing but supportive to others, especially in the haven, but in the end, it was overwhelming the positivity on the site, at that time and it can drive you down if you atr battling to try and push past your own negativity and pessimism. Since I have not been here in years, barely at all during your time here, I certainly cannot be blamed for any accusations during your tenure here :)


I see no specific blame directed toward anyone in particular. It looks like general frustration from both posters.

ya know, just saying.


Yah, just wanted to be sure I am not sort of thought of as a hard nosed so and so haha. I am often the first to offer support. But sometimes, i think, I tended to absorb everyone else's emotions as well and could not detach myself which probably did not help. But yes, I agree with Sweetleaf that people need a place to vent and share the more negative aspects of being on the spectrum, and life in general.


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11 Nov 2014, 9:49 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I don't feel that I fit in on WP. I feel that I'm very different from most people here and I also don't feel that some of the members accept me as I am. There have been times that I was starting to feel comfortable and open up that a bunch of members would attack one of my main special interests in the section that I post in the most. Seeing those threads bump repeatedly to the top of the page have made me wonder when the nightmare was going to end. I guess I'm a misfit, no matter where I am. It makes me wonder if Ray Davies wrote the song, 'Misfits' for all the Kinks Fans who feel that they are overpopulated by people who enjoy music that's more popular. I'm the only Olympic nut here as well. I also feel that it's better for me to be myself than it is to force myself to enjoy and live in the present, but there were members who have tried to convince me otherwise.

The thing that keeps drawing me back are the members who do understand me and my desire to support and help others when I can. I also feel a sense of community at times.

I don't say much as I don't have a lot to say about the Kinks. Haven't listened to them a lot but maybe if I did I'd love them. Still I like to read your posts. I like that you're different. Not sure how different I'm considered but based on things people say I know there are very few people like me. Being around other unique people like yourself makes me feel happy.

Also it's very probable that others enjoy your posts but maybe don't know what to say either. A lot of people hate being a threadkiller or worry about saying the wrong thing somehow.



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11 Nov 2014, 9:51 pm

B19 wrote:
Sarcasm is a sense of humor, but when it's used to make some else feel bad intentionally, the only person laughing is the person using the sarcasm (and anyone else on their "side"). Much humor in general, on a basic level, is just making fun of someone else or a group of people. Paradoy. Like on Saturday Night Live. But if you're having a discussion, it's better to try to not make others feel bad. Unless you want to make enemies. I notice people say so many things through social media that they would never say to someone's face in public. If we're trying to better ourselves and make life easier to cope with, I think it's better to try and be sociable to some extent. It may not feel natural, but it's an exercise in leading a more pleasant life. People tend to give back what is given to them. So if you belittle them, don't expect them to treat you well either.


Well, yeah; humour can be cruel. There's a dark side to being human, and I don't just mean the blatantly sick stuff, like serial killers. I mean normal, everyday stuff as well, such as the sheer glee of putting an 'inferior' or disliked person down. It's there and, imo, it's as real a part of the human experience as the constantly-vaunted positive crap is.

Humour can be good or bad. No point in applying a blanket ban to it, because it can be misused by thick or malicious people.



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11 Nov 2014, 9:55 pm

Not really, but I don't think that's really a thing here, from what I've seen. One forum I used to post on had a very cultish vibe to it, which I didn't like. This is a much better vibe.


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11 Nov 2014, 9:58 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I don't feel that I fit in on WP. I feel that I'm very different from most people here and I also don't feel that some of the members accept me as I am. There have been times that I was starting to feel comfortable and open up that a bunch of members would attack one of my main special interests in the section that I post in the most. Seeing those threads bump repeatedly to the top of the page have made me wonder when the nightmare was going to end. I guess I'm a misfit, no matter where I am. It makes me wonder if Ray Davies wrote the song, 'Misfits' for all the Kinks Fans who feel that they are overpopulated by people who enjoy music that's more popular. I'm the only Olympic nut here as well. I also feel that it's better for me to be myself than it is to force myself to enjoy and live in the present, but there were members who have tried to convince me otherwise.

The thing that keeps drawing me back are the members who do understand me and my desire to support and help others when I can. I also feel a sense of community at times.


I saw a new show that has opened in London, about the Kinks, full of their songs, the other evening. It is called 'Sunny Afternoon' and I knew and loved all the songs. It was brilliant.


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