Why do social interactions wear you out?

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For me, it's having to assess all the non-verbal social cues that takes up so much mental processing. I can burn out very easily in the middle of a face to face conversation. It's also why I believe I have less issues with burn out over the phone, because I'm not having to concentrate on all the non verbal cues to the person I'm talking too. Though of course, burn out can still be a problem as well.

Socializing is like exercising really. When you exert use of something it becomes tiresome after a while. I generally get burnt out from dealing with people after some time. At that point I need to just relax and not thing about anything to reduce the stress.

when you are autistic, all social interactions are strategized, rehearsed and conscious decisions. it becomes exhausting to constantly analyze and bring up skills and tricks to best suit a social situation appropriately.

when im talking to someone i have to constantly remind myself all the time " dont interupt, do not avoid eye contact, dont stare, do not swear in front of children, monitor the volume of your voice, nod when listening, do not comment on smells of another person, arms length away from a person. repeat back to a person what they said to acknowledge that you are listening, be sure to ask questions, do not share bodily functions at the table. dont point at people."

For me, socializing is like letting my body be taken over by a glib stranger. He has the necessary reaction times, but I spend at least ten times as much time reviewing his words, and wondering if he has gotten me in trouble with them.

For me, the exhaustion comes from being overstimulated. For instance, I just finished a 3 day training program for a new job. Besides all the new names and faces, I had to deal with two things that just drive me nuts: fluorescent lights and following verbal instruction for several hours.

Fluorescent lights seem to be flickering and they hurt my eyes. I wear tinted glasses to help mitigate this effect, but even then, I get anxious after I have been sitting under them for more than 2 hours. They can even trigger a headache.

Verbal instruction that goes on for more than 2 hours is also a huge drain. I prefer to read the instructions. I think the issue is in the combination of trying to process new information while I am also trying to filter out all the environmental stimulation. Certain tones of voice make it worse. Also, if the speaker gets off topic or if people start asking too many questions then, I have a hard time making the transition when the conversation eventually gets back to where the speaker left off. I don't think most people realize that when you follow along with what an instructor is saying, you are actually tuning into them on more than just an auditory level. It's very complex, so if the listener is dealing with overstimulation, the whole process can be a total drain, especially if you are trying to maintain a composed appearance.

These types of situations lead to that burnt out feeling where I just want pick up some Chinese take-out, go home and lock myself in my room.

There are some Aspies that are NOT worn out by soc. int.

Some Aspies are extroverts, and are energized by soc.int......and some Aspies do NOT have SPD.

Naturally, most Aspies are introverted and many have SPD and are thus exhausted by soc. int.


Good thread!

This is where my (potential) autism affects me the most.

There is a background track going on the whole time in my head decoding the conversation, its nuances, working out when I am meant to talk and trying to wait until my time. Inevitably I start stimming. Just little things like lining things up, rubbing my fingernails, wringing my hands, pulling my rings up and down my finger. If I have a hot drink my brain keeps telling me I will chuck it over the other person and I become worried I will accidentally do it. Nearly all form of overhead lighting hurts my eyes and gives me minor visual disturbances. I hold on to what I want to say but inevitably I feel I loose it before it is my turn. It is incredibly hard to really be in the moment and pay attention to the other person and their discourse.

Afterwards I can easily spend a whole night back and forth going over the conversation, what did I do wrong, how might I have been misconstrued how did I misunderstand them. Should I message them to clarify? How can I be better next time? Feeling of dread and just feeling like I got it all wrong. Feeling of being crap. I try to stop the constant over analysing of it but I just can't. It gets into my dreams.

I get absolutely black out exhausted after most social interaction. If it is the chit chatty before picking kids up at school sort I feel like someone has hit me in the front of the head. The only thing that helps me recover is fresh air or strong coffee and being alone. If it is a long period with other poeple I drive my husband insane trying to get him to analyse how I did, was I ok, did I do anything crazy. He just says I was absolutely fine and doesn't get any of my anguish about it. I would love to see how I actually do. Whether I do just appear normal or not.

I don't get this need to analyse or aftermath of exhaustion with my husband and my children or with one of my friends - my best one (we have known eachother since we were 14 and he is very explicit in his thinking and not subtle in his affection and love for me, he makes me feel very safe) but i get it in varying degrees with almost everyone else. It does vary between people though some people make me feel very misunderstood (especially women) and that leads to more analysing whereas some people I feel ok with and I feel there are less layers to decode.

Sensory overload, mostly. Actually, a person's presence counts more than the noise, the lights, and the cold.

I don't do strategic socializing too often. Nor do conscious body language/tone on every interactions I come across. Nor am afraid for a socializing 'failure'. And so, I don't fear uncertainty of interactions.
The main things I only pay attention in social interactions is timing and verbal language translation -- the rest is a 'guess' or some nudge of direction depending on the situation.
So the interaction alone is actually the least of my worries - it's my senses that doesn't stop taking account of the persons physical presence -- it didn't matter who the are, what they do.. It's just the physical presence.

I don't get exhausted on daily basis.
Last I checked, it'll take me 15 hours straight -- of interactions and environment -- before I start dwindling.
Probably because I don't prioritize nor overcompensate socializing and passing.

I don't do rehearsals. I don't do scripting. I don't 'keep up images'. And I don't analyze every of my past interactions in a way that I have to assess myself to do 'better' next time or some vague message underneath the words said.
I'm not even an extrovert. Nor a true introvert.

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I don't think that I get worn out doing social interactions usually. Probably one of the few folks here actually who doesn't, and I believe that I'm actually somewhat good at it. Senses don't generally get overwhelmed either, except when it is very loud and I can't understand a darn thing.

No scripting, no rehearsals, and I don't overanalyse either, but my conversations tend to feature a lot of puns and humour.

The only thing; sometimes socialising can result in my becoming nervous. I know that the chances of my making a serious mistake are actually fairly slim (I'm better at socialising than at doing math -- now isn't that strange?!) but because I wasn't very good at it when I was young it can lead to my becoming nervous at times. But these days it's more of an annoyance than anything else.

I don't really prioritise nor overcompensate socialising and passing, it happens when it happens. For some weird reason, and I don't fully understand it, alot of the female professors tend to take a liking to me. Some of the male professors do this too, but not to as great an extent.