So I posted in the infamous AS partners forum for NT's...

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Jono
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05 Feb 2015, 10:35 am

cubedemon6073 wrote:

My response to BSTN at 11 of 18.

I see that BSTN has given me a shout out. Well I think it's time to give her and the rest of them a shout out back.

http://youtu.be/rh__4s6fe08?t=15s

Say hi to her from me as well, don't ask but she knows who I am.

DestinedToBeAPotato
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05 Feb 2015, 10:42 am

YippySkippy wrote:

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You say that you wanted to learn, but you didn't question, you lectured. That's not what learners do.

Oh, I think the OP learned quite a bit.

Oh yes... I got more than I bargained for.

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Verdandi
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05 Feb 2015, 10:52 am

elkclan wrote:

OP - I've now seen how old you are and I'm gonna cut you a little slack, but I'm also gonna give you some advice.

ASD tendencies aside, young people often come at things from theory rather than practice. They think about the way things ought to be rather than the way they are. It simple isn't appropriate to lecture people on AS/NT when you don't have the depth or breadth of experience that they do. I've been with my AS husband longer than you've been alive, so in a way I've been living with autism longer than you have. Sure, I'm not coming from the inside of it, but I've experienced it, suffered it and learned from it. And there are other people on the AS Partners forum who've been married for twice as long as you've been alive. I know you'll find that perspective difficult to integrate, but that's also a feature of both youth and ASD.

I've been autistic longer than you've been alive and your use of your age and the length of your marriage to shut the OP down is nonsense. It's clear from the OP's thread on the other forum that most of you have minimal understanding of autism - for example, Jono's pointing out that people there point to sociopathy as examples of autistic behavior. That's not honest, and it doesn't reflect understanding or knowledge. It reflects, at best, hatred.

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Until and unless you have the lived experience of being in such a relationship, you just don't have that much to offer to members of that forum. Coming in with a lecturing tone smacks of arrogance and is precisely the kind of behaviour that most of us live with on a daily basis and retreat to the ASPartners site to escape from. So for many it's disturbing that it followed us there.

But it's okay for you to come to Wrong Planet with a lecturing tone? Or do you think your age gives you a free pass for that as well?

cubedemon6073
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05 Feb 2015, 10:54 am

Jono wrote:

cubedemon6073 wrote:

My response to BSTN at 11 of 18.

I see that BSTN has given me a shout out. Well I think it's time to give her and the rest of them a shout out back.

http://youtu.be/rh__4s6fe08?t=15s

Say hi to her from me as well, don't ask but she knows who I am.

Well, I'm not going to post there anymore. If she chooses to watch the clip, then she does and if she doesn't then she doesn't.

Quote:

This is not a mixed board where neurotypicals and people with Aspergers banter the issues.

These women are saying we break their rules just by posting there. I asked questions to understand certain things better and the reasoning behind certain things.

They say we're not supposed to banter the issues. Well, according to the Oxford dictionary banter means "The playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks."

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/de ... ish/banter

I wasn't being playful, friendly and teasing. I was being serious and cordial. I wasn't playing around and screwing around. I was trying to have a serious conversation. According to the meaning of the word banter how does your rule ban any AS poster from posting at all?

Jono
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05 Feb 2015, 10:58 am

elkclan wrote:

Speaking of experience, it does seem arrogant that some people think that they know more about what goes on inside an aspies head and how we think than the people who have ASD. Yes, you may have experienced living with someone with AS but you don't know what it's like to live as someone with AS, he does, despite his age. I actually agree with Walrus on this point.

elkclan wrote:

Do you know why he did that? He was coming from the point of view of correcting misconceptions that he's seen on that forum which he finds hurtful, aka. threads conflating personality disorders like sociopathy and narcissism with aspergers. And yes, he's qualified to do that because he knows more about what goes on in his own mind than people who not on the autism spectrum.

elkclan wrote:

You say that you wanted to learn, but you didn't question, you lectured. That's not what learners do. Yes, there are people on that forum who probably haven't done the reading they should, but there will be many who are much better researched and read on ASD than you on matter such as cognitive and affective empathy, etc. I think, deep down, part of you wanted to stir the hornets nest and you wanted the community feedback that you're getting from this thread right now. If that weren't the case you wouldn't have titled this thread "So I posted in the infamous…"

Again, he was coming from the point of view of correcting misconceptions that he finds hurtful and trying to explain what his own experience as someone on the autism spectrum is, that's why he wrote it like that rather than asking questions. Maybe he wanted to stir the hornets nest when posting about it here and linking to that thread but that was only after the responses he got turned out to be pretty aggressive.

elkclan wrote:

I do think it's a shame that there isn't a dedicated forum for AS and NT people to interact with and explain perspectives to each other. I have suggested that we have a section on ASPartners for such exchanges, but other members didn't want to do that and that is their right and I defer to that decision. I didn't like the stickied thread idea here - not for intent but simply for user experience elements and asked for a sub-forum instead. If that were the case and dialogue could be respectful I think that would be a good idea. But even if that did happen - questioning and listening not lecturing would be the way that it would have to work on both sides.

That's a good idea actually. That Sticky was originally a thread that was started by Greentea a few years ago. Since NT's are allowed to post in this forum, there's also nothing stopping them from posting their perspectives in any thread here, related to any topic, in fact they often do. A new sub forum for that may be a good idea though.

cubedemon6073
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05 Feb 2015, 11:01 am

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Exactly!

Quote:

But it's okay for you to come to Wrong Planet with a lecturing tone? Or do you think your age gives you a free pass for that as well?

I failed to notice that but you're right. It seems as though elkClan is upholding ASDs and younger people to a standard they don't uphold themselves to.

How does age always confer wisdom?

ToughDiamond
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05 Feb 2015, 11:07 am

In their own words,

Quote:

.......a place where NT partners can be heard without being told that they are wrong.

Even when they are wrong. I get that sometimes when a person is very upset, they get some immediate relief from demonising whoever they emotionally associate with the cause of their pain, and reason takes wings. I've only ever made things worse by advocating a calm, more objective approach at such times, however unhealthy the assertions have been. I've not tried to jump into any such groups and do that, but I've been trapped in that situation with ex-partners, so these days I hope I'd do things differently.

I think if there's ever going to be any progress, it would have to be on a different forum, where the contract was different. An ASD-NT conciliation forum might do the trick. Bitter and twisted individuals from both sides would hopefully have no interest in such a thing, so it would be starting with the right aspiration. If the autistic community initiated such a venture, and NT's, Autism Speaks, etc., weren't interested, then we'd at least get the moral high ground, being the only ones who wanted to resolve these issues. If they were interested, the talking might do a lot of good.

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05 Feb 2015, 11:12 am

DestinedToBeAPotato wrote:

And I thought I would explain that there is a distinction between narcissism and autism.. And explained that autistic people can feel empathy.. We are not sociopathic. Well I was accused of being incapable of empathy anyway.

http://forums.delphiforums.com/aspartne ... sg=13498.3

One comment I got back and I paraphrase

"not understanding social cues? If someone is visibly crying it is clear they are upset.. How can you not read that?"

... Because I can't.

Any way what do you guys think about this?

I have a real life example...happened yesterday.

My car got stuck in the snow while I was trying pull out of the parking space from our condo.

The maintenance guys were upset because the needed to plow, and I was in their way.

When inside to get a shovel, my husband looks at me.

Tell him the car is stuck in the snow.

Looks at me.

Looks at me.

I leave and say nothing. No point.

Had the two maintenance guys and the 70 year old neighbor help push me out.

What is wrong with this picture? This would have started WW III with any other NT spouse. Especially female.

This is why he is unemployed and has no friends other than the ones I have.

I let it go because he will never get it. I just try to remember all his other good qualities.

DestinedToBeAPotato
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05 Feb 2015, 11:14 am

I am always left confounded when people attempt to use their age to further their argument. As far I am concerned from what I have observed in the "short" years of my life, is that there is little correlation between age and maturity, unfortunately. I have conversed with many so called adults online and irl and you'd assume they'd show more maturity and wisdom.. But that's clearly not the case in some instances.

And Jogo (beg my pardon, if I have gotten your username incorrect) is indeed correct, my intentions were to correct the misconceptions that aspergers display the same symptoms as narcissists and sociopaths. Especially in light of a post about that "tactics for dealing with an aspie" thread, which turned out to be an article about sociopaths.

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Jono
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05 Feb 2015, 11:15 am

cubedemon6073 wrote:

Jono wrote:

cubedemon6073 wrote:

My response to BSTN at 11 of 18.

I see that BSTN has given me a shout out. Well I think it's time to give her and the rest of them a shout out back.

http://youtu.be/rh__4s6fe08?t=15s

Say hi to her from me as well, don't ask but she knows who I am.

Well, I'm not going to post there anymore. If she chooses to watch the clip, then she does and if she doesn't then she doesn't.

Quote:

This is not a mixed board where neurotypicals and people with Aspergers banter the issues.

Sorry, I didn't mean that as asking you to post there, I just posted that hoping that she was reading this thread. She doesn't like reading threads on WP though, so maybe not.

Jono
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05 Feb 2015, 11:19 am

DestinedToBeAPotato wrote:

Thanks, and the username's Jono (short for Jonathan).

DestinedToBeAPotato
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05 Feb 2015, 11:26 am

Jono wrote:

DestinedToBeAPotato wrote:

Thanks, and the username's Jono (short for Jonathan).

Oh dear

I do apologise for getting your username incorrect. I am on the mobile site, and I couldn't check.. All I remembered is that it started with a 'jo' and ended with an"o". XD

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cubedemon6073
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05 Feb 2015, 11:27 am

Quote:

Sorry, I didn't mean that as asking you to post there, I just posted that hoping that she was reading this thread. She doesn't like reading threads on WP though, so maybe not.

Nah, it's fine!

DestinedToBeAPotato
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05 Feb 2015, 11:30 am

Tawaki wrote:

DestinedToBeAPotato wrote:

... Because I can't.

Any way what do you guys think about this?

That scenario is like looking into a mirror, there have been many instances where I haven't really processed or understood the "cue" that suggests I should help or do something. And I will stand there expecting someone to say something or suggest what I should do... Now at least I know what my poor mother has to go through. Oh dear.

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androbot01
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05 Feb 2015, 11:34 am

Its ignoring the elephant in the room to say that the typical autistic person is easy to get along with, I think. It's a disorder associated wish poor social interaction skills. Non-verbalization, lack of eye contact, trouble understanding and expressing emotions are some challenges that might be faced by an NT partner.
I'm autistic and I get angry with other autistics' behaviour sometimes. No point getting worked up over it. Besides they explicitly state that its an exclusive site for NT partners, not autistic people. So enter at your own risk, I think.

Verdandi
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05 Feb 2015, 11:39 am

DestinedToBeAPotato wrote:

Consider that the strongest argument in that post was based on age, and such an argument is a weak argument. That is, it's only going to convince people who were inclined to believe it in the first place.

I'm older than elkclan by a whole year and in my own experience relying on age to win an argument is manipulative.

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