Being told to smile...

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That's very interesting indeed Nambo, I wish it was that way everywhere.

If it's always one person telling you to smile they likely have an affection for you and notice that you probably -never- smile. They likely just want you to actually be happy, to remind you that there are good things in your life because you always seem dower.

There's a chance I suppose also that they're just, like, saying that because they think it's a nice thing to say but they don't actually care. I could see that too. I would need to be there and see it happen to relay whether or not that person genuinely cares about you.

That you likely never smile though, when taking to people, is why you get told that. It's not just the specific situation that's making them say that, but a consistent pattern that they see, so that's why others don't get told to smile in similar situations.

The problem I have is that even within the US, there is ambiguity on the 'value' of a smile as mentioned before. So, if you are new someplace, I find it really annoying that the people there expect you to know their customs and points of view already.

I think this is predominately a female thing, people want women to smile all the time. I work with mostly men and a few of them will tell me to smile every time they see me. I've heard them do this to the few other women occasionally but never the men. The one who does it most often has said some similarly sexist things to me, like telling me I should quit smoking because "it's not cute. y'know, cause you're a lady."
I am not sure why it bothers them so much. It usually comes with a comment like "you always look so sad" or "why are you so angry all the time?" when it's really just my resting face. I think people who walk around with a dopey smile on their face all the time look kind of simple. Like a puppy.

I get that a lot too. I'm male, so, that's not a female thing. Get it from men and women. And it's really bad when I have a head ache or sinus troubles.

Do they tell you you have to smile or do they just say you look angry? You maybe just have a harsh resting face. Often if I go out, to the grocery store or anything, I will get strange men telling me to smile.
I'm sure it does happen to men too, that's why I said it's predominantly female.

If I had my way, a neutral face would be always considered infinitely better than a fake smile. Fake smiles simply suck, in both men and women.

+1

I can go with that.

Like I mentioned before: the NT anti-street harassment campaign includes a series called Stop Telling Women to Smile. So it has been noted that it is more common for men to tell random female strangers that they should smile "because we're prettier when we smile" than it is for women to tell men to smile. And for completely different reasons, I suspect. It's not because men want women to be happier, it's because men want women to be eye candy and "we're prettier when we smile."

Sorry, random dude, I am not an aesthetic object put on this earth for visual consumption and objectification. I have a life you know nothing about and it can be depressing beyond belief. In fact if you could see my reasons for not smiling you would probably run screaming and bawling back to your house and hide under your bed. My life is composed of nightmare fuel you cannot imagine.

So stop telling me to smile unless you're giving me something to smile about--like actual encouragement.

I'm told to smile often enough, including the bit about looking better when I do (probably due to seeing me in one of the few cases when I do have a genuine reason for smiling); I'm sure I get more of it than the average woman, if only because the average woman is neurotypical and orders of magnitude better than me at imposing respect.

I smile pretty often. Thinking of it: I smile when I am relaxed, in a good mood, when I have a funny thought, when somebody, especially woman, is smiling to me, and I think the smile is a sign of interest or politeness.

In the past some people told me that I smile often (not too often) and show relaxedness. I indeed do that, when I fully trust the situation or the persons. They told me that I am generally smile more than my colleagues, who are NTs for sure.

Possibly. Or maybe because the average neurotypical woman has already conditioned herself to smile as her default facial expression so as not to cause disturbance in the force known as "herd mentality" or "groupthink" or "societal normalcy." Just like they have conditioned themselves to suck in their tummies and maintain poise and good posture so that they will be as attractive as possible. I can't do that without thinking about it, and when I think about that I lose track of other stuff like where I was going, who I was talking to, what I meant to do and what I was going to say to them when I got there.

Maybe it's a regional thing, but my perception is that it's more acceptable for a man to be a bit of a grouch or a curmudgeon than it is for a woman to have a perpetually grouchy or even neutral expression. A woman with a -_- is automatically labelled with the b-word. I got told to smile last night on the way out of the theater after the ballet. I didn't feel like smiling, I wasn't thinking about smiling, I wasn't thinking about what other people would perceive in my facial expression. I was thinking I'd had a hard time enjoying the ballet with small children behind me kicking my seat, people in front of me so tall I hardly ever caught a glimpse of actual ballet slippers (when the slippers is the only thing that really distinguishes ballet from any other form of dancing), how nice it would be if people could get out of their seats and up the aisles without bumping me with their elbows, purses and umbrellas, and is NThubby going to get cross with me if I fail to move in the direction he wants me to move, at his specified pace. He tends to forget that I can't read his NT guide-your-lady-through-the-crowd body language and has gone off in a rage at me before for walking up a different aisle or down a different row than he thought and tried to indicate to me.

So with all these thoughts and feelings already swirling 'round in my head, along with my general relief that I'd made it through a noisy, crowded social event without an actual meltdown (I was on the edge a couple times, believe me), I was not thinking about how maybe my husband wants me to smile so the rest of the herd will think I had a good time at the ballet. Until he told me to smile. Then I said I'm not sure if I can and I think it irked him. But he didn't blow up, which is good. And I did try to smile, and I think I did actually smile when I realized that he had homed in on the one ballerina we actually had met before and wanted to go tell her hi and great performance and lovely to see you again and when's your next show and all that polite natter that comes so naturally to NT's. I can't do that stuff without planning it out first. And mentally debating whether or not it's a good idea for 20 minutes minimum. And probably blowing it when I do try it. But I'm pretty sure I managed to smile at the ballerina we know. I genuinely like her, even though she does that type of smile that looks completely vapid most of the time.