Complaints that you make people "uncomfortable"

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Aha! Gotcha!

OK, so I've seen this so much in Gen Y's, especially on the bus. It's become epidemic.

I've been trying to figure out in the past 3 4 5 years just what is causing these Gen Y Men (typically) to do this... It's gotten soooo bad that at times there'll be upwards of 2 individuals, sitting close together, on the bus... They may or may not have those earbuds in their ears. And I can tell just how they're foot tapping...it's not to a musical rhythm.

I've asked these people why they do it. They all look at me as if *I'm* the problem, or that "they've always done it"... I've asked them if they're taking some sort of drug that is causing side effects.

It's really really distracting to me because I can see this foot tapping out of the corner of my eye... Really really hate it when others do it.

I do not, so I am trying to figure out WHY these "other people" engage in it.

Recently I figured out that it has something to do with Autism. I was at this campground with a group of guys, and one of them was tapping his foot, and also making hand movements (stimming?) consistent with Autism.

So I get it now. OK.

So, how do you stop yourself from doing this behaviour? It's really distracting to me as an AS.

Yes, I´ve had that sort of remarks and reactions, but I get fewer now. It often had to do with my bluntness and my openness regarding own emotions.

I'm often told that I'm making people uncomfortable, or more frustratingly, that I'm being aggressive and uncooperative.

A previous poster has touched upon this before on page 3. Aspies don't "play the game" to get on in a professional, or sometimes personal situation. To play along we need to actually know what the game is, and subconsciously be aware of what the goal is. When it comes to professional environments, we often have a flawed hypothesis and a lacking method, simply because our social skills don't allow us to read others very well. We see a lot of NT behaviour as weird. NTs see a lot of our behaviour as weird. Being ambitious within a work place is often less about working hard, and more about kissing your manager's arse.

Another thing is that we have a tendency to overcompensate. If we are trying to get on with everyone, we often go overboard. For example: I once read a guide about building friendships by giving compliments, so that's exactly what I did. I was in club a couple of years ago and I told a girl how beautiful she looked, only for her to react and call me a lesbian. Whilst she did misunderstand and take it in the wrong way, I obviously approached it in the wrong manner.

I do believe we make people uncomfortable, or at least i do.

Lets see...i went to a womens forum and got banned. I was extremely complimentary to them i believe i was reported as being a man.

I read guys like compliments, so i gave this huy tons of compliments. Like nonstop. Needless to say hes not around anymore. Im sure that was interpreted as low self esteem. I just didnt know better. I truly do not know how to act.

I agree with the poster who said its,easy for us to have negative experiences. Neg experiences further dissuade us from socializing.

Its GREAT to be alone and just be myself.

I have had moments of being very blunt. It just comes out. I usually dont realize ive done wrong until the person disappears. Lets be real, if socializing was so hard for nts, they wouldnt do it....

Imo when they say you make them uncomfortable, theyre being honest. Many people will ghost you or bully you with little or no explanation or give you a false reason. Most likely they cannot pinpoint exactly what turns them off about you.

I find eye contact unconfortable except with animals. Even then sometimes i use eye contact to dominate. When you dont make eye contact, that makes you shifty, dishonest, low self esteem, im sure the list goes on.

I feel comfortable if somebody compliments me....especially if the person means it.

Being complimented makes me feel very uncomfortable. Maybe because so many times it is not sincere and I have a hard time telling the difference?

I'm known for making others uncomfortable, especially with my intense stare that so many interpret as anger or hatred. People think I'm a hornets nest or something. I've been told by complete strangers before that they think "I look pissed." I've also become painfully aware of how much I make women "uncomfortable"

I have the same issue. How many times have you heard a compliment and then have that followed up by a request to do something for the complimenter? That's not genuine, that's just manipulation.

+2

+3

I get this all the time. I don't do it intentionally, but it seems like I always get pulled aside after a few weeks in a new social group to be told I'm making people uncomfortable. That and people joking/implying that I'm a serial killer. Which is stupid since serial killers tend to be extremely charismatic.

I also have a knack for making even my friends uncomfortable at times, sometimes I make very dark or deep remarks about the human condition and it catches them off guard.

I like to make people a little uncomfortable if I feel that it'll help them open up more or loosen up a little in a conversation. I still try to keep things relevant and not totally go off the rail, but making someone uncomfortable isn't always a bad thing.

Not sure if anyone has ever complained to me about making them uncomfortable, I can pick up on things like that right away and avoid it, but I'm trying to make light of good reasons to make someone uncomfortable, hah.

It's all fun and games.

Yes, normally by NTs at work who didn't know their heads from their behinds...I can no longer work, I can't deal with them anymore and their constant complaints.

There was a Project Manager who was constantly complaining that I smiled at meetings, then he complained that I was too serious at meetings, then he complained that I wasn't looking at him at meetings, then he complained that I was playing with my pencil at meetings...blah, blah, blah and it all made him uncomfortable. Idiot wore me out!

Another tester who did NOTHING for over 10 months on the project I designed. I explained things to him on a weekly basis, the same thing over and over and over and over and over again...yes, just like that. After 10 months of excuses from him, anytime I pushed to get the darn thing tested, he would complain that I made him uncomfortable.

I can't work with people like that anymore. PS yes, funny, most of them were incredibly rude to me in both meetings and emails, but even with that proof, I was told that "they were uncomfortable"...

PS sorry, but I don't like most NTs anymore...dealt with enough of their BS at work for 20 years to be worn out

I can relate. I'm either too nice or I'm mean. I can't win.

Sounds like you have a problem with morons, not necessarily "NT"s. Morons can come in all shapes, religions, ethnic makeups, and yes even neurologies.