Addressing people by name

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I always talk too quietly as well. Then I have to repeat everything which just makes me really nervous

When I found this thread it really hit home with me. Even though it seems to have fizzled out, I feel compelled to post. I have such a maddening time with trying to remember names!
It is maddening and embarrassing and one of the main reasons I do not feel comfortable socializing in groups of people. I also struggle with face blindness. This makes for very embarrassing moments when I call one acquaintance by another's name. I didn't
know what was the cause for this. I thought maybe it was due to the head trauma I sustained as a child, but now I'm figuring, from all I've learn from being on WP, that it is related to being an aspie...Wow, puzzle solved?

When I found this thread it really hit home with me. Even though it seems to have fizzled out, I feel compelled to post. I have such a maddening time with trying to remember names!
It is maddening and embarrassing and one of the main reasons I do not feel comfortable socializing in groups of people. I also struggle with face blindness. This makes for very embarrassing moments when I call one acquaintance by another's name. I didn't
know what was the cause for this. I thought maybe it was due to the head trauma I sustained as a child, but now I'm figuring, from all I've learn from being on WP, that it is related to being an aspie...Wow, puzzle solved?

I use to have a HUGE problem with this, but eventually taught myself. I used t just refer to people as "them" "him" or "her" and would never uses someones name when addressing them. Ever.

I tried to force myself to do it and eventually got more comfortable with it.

Mae a similar thread here years ago.

how funny... Yesterday I went tomy neighbor's house to ask for something and I felt extremely strange calling her by her name...I don't feel weird w/my husband's name or son's, but I do with everyone else's...hmmm

When it is a close friend or a person I hold in high esteem, I find it very easy to address someone by name.

If I do not know them, it seems way too awkward. For example: If former president George W. Bush for some reason wanted to talk to me, I would not address him as "George" or even his surname "Bush". I do not know him, and I do not hold him in any positive esteem.

I also feel uncomfortable using other people's names. I hadn't even considered that this could be an AS trait. It's extremely awkward but I can't figure out why.

For some reason it isn't so awkward with the object of a romantic relationship though. Quite the opposite in fact.

Maybe the awkwardness has something to do with not wanting the other person's name in your mouth, with it feeling invasive or forced, like having part of them in you in some way. (I hate unwanted singing for that same reason, maybe that's just me. Yuck.) Perhaps the use of someone's name unpleasantly creates a closer connection between two people, which is unwanted. A stronger association.

I don't know. I'm just throwing out random ideas as they come to mind.

Yep, I have a problem addressing people by name. I couldn't even bring myself to say 'Mother' and 'Father' when adressing my parents. Some years ago I finally learned to address my mother 'properly' but I still am very self-conscious about it and have to remember and use the word.
I have always found this very embarassing and causing a lot of trouble. Never knew any other people who had the same problem - until now. Does anybody here know whether this has anything to do with having Asperger's?

My ex boyfriend mentioned this to me one time. He said "What do you call me? I've never heard you call me anything." (he has one of those names where there are a couple of options). And I said.... "Well, I never call anyone anything. Not my parents. Not my brother. No one." I thought maybe he was bothered because, in retrospect, the man was the biggest narcissist I've ever met, but I can see how it might be weird to hang around someone and not have them use your "label"

To be fair, he didn't use mine either. I was "young lady."

I don't do this as often as I should...the only time I'll use names is if I'm trying to get a person's attention. I know that using names can have a person respond to you more favourably socially as it adds a personal element to the conversation.

No! Very rarely! I can't stand it. And I can't have people say my name. I hate when they toss it in randomly in what they are saying. Then it is useless even. I know they are talking to ME. Morons. Let me be. Even my "good" therapist and also my autism specialist psych does this. And one of my oldest online friends.

It feels awkward to me too. I only use someone's name if I am calling it out to get their attention. If someone uses my name in the middle of a conversation, I feel condescended to in a weird way. It's like how an adult speaks to a child.

No, I almost never address people by name or by nickname. I really really don't want to say people's names, and I don't like referring to people directly.

If I am trying to get someone's attention and they are far away I will move as quickly as possible to try to get close enough to them so that they notice me so I don't have to address them or yell to get their attention. If they are walking away from me I may follow them down the hall, even if I am fairly close to them.

If I am really close to them and they don't notice me, I don't know how to get their attention.

Yes, I can definitely relate to this. One reason is that I do have trouble telling people apart from each other, although I didn't always realize that. So I have (in earlier days) called someone by the name of the person they resemble in my eyes, and there really is no explanation for that, so I just quit using names all around so that wouldn't happen anymore.

With my partner / significant other (if any -- I've had a few in the past, but probably done with all that) --- I feel super awkward using their names at all. Ordinarily I will give them nicknames / pet names and use those instead. Not that I'm afraid I'll mistake my lover for someone else, and call him by that guy's name.... although it's certainly a possibility. But it just feels "wrong". My children and my companion animals have about a million nicknames apiece, but I can still call them by their given names when I want to. (Probably because their "given" names were "given" to them by me, and I'm a careful namer.)

[b]Invader said...

"Maybe the awkwardness has something to do with not wanting the other person's name in your mouth, with it feeling invasive or forced, like having part of them in you in some way. (I hate unwanted singing for that same reason, maybe that's just me. Yuck.) Perhaps the use of someone's name unpleasantly creates a closer connection between two people, which is unwanted. A stronger association."


Interesting...I hadn't thought about this in that way, but I have felt about similar situations like
this in the past. It's like their energy or essense gets inside...Unpleasant!