Do you have meltdowns?How bad?

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I've put my fists through doors, through both sides of interior walls, etc.

When I was younger there seemed to be weeks where most bullies would just keep their distance because there were a few 'stories' of me putting people through windows (it was only once, the art gallery in front of my art class, grade 10) or tackling them down the stairwell with no regard to how crowded it was. I've intentionally broken people's fingers on more than one occasion. I don't always recall these moments and sometimes have to rely on others to explain why I'm bruised up and bloody.

When I knew I was approaching my bursting point I'd tend to instigate people who I wouldn't normally be willing to get physical with, the idea being they'd provoke the snap and wouldn't make eye contact after they came back with a cast on/got choked out/suffered a concussion, etc.

When I was younger I was really bad for breaking things, I've still got a big scar on my right leg from putting it through a security window with chicken wire (grade 11). As soon as I realized I was bleeding badly I played it off as an accident and I got very lucky that I didn't have to pay to replace that window too.

As an adult I still have moments where frustration will build to that point, but they're far more rare and I'm usually able to direct the feeling towards crying instead of hurting myself or instigating others into violent confrontations. I cry more as a grown man than I did at any point in my teenhood and in all honestly, I'm not really ashamed that that's how it's released now when I think about how f****d up not being able to cry caused me to behave.

I also bang my head a lot and still struggle not to as an adult.

I don't remember having meltdowns as a kid but definitely had anger management issues as an adult but don't know if these could be considered meltdowns. I have punched holes in walls and doors , put my foot through TV's and sound systems , I would fight anyone and everyone when drunk even the police ( don't drink anymore because of this ), smashed a video game up because me & my GF were arguing over a level we were trying to beat , and destroyed nearly every phone I've had by yeeting it at something. I have poor impulse control so suicide or destroying the world is always on the cards when I flip out.

^ You have to use one of the striking parts of the foot , flex your toes up and use the fleshy part just under your toes , or a heel strike - CRT TV's were far too easy to smash . Yeah I've hammerfisted an ATM coz it got hungry and swallowed my card ( my fault I forgot my pin ) , too much CCTV around now so usually I have the common sense not to do that.

The ATM at the Expo was faulty and although I manhandled it and told it its fortune to the fascination of folk in the queue behind me, it had eaten a lot of cards so it was in psychotic mode. What made it annoying is that you want access to your funds when in a strange city and at the Expo, and don't want to be too stressed to run the ultra marathon the next day.

I was fortunate that the committee member who assisted me, managed to get them to operate on it that very afternoon and remove its ill-gained meal.

^ Machinery has to be manhandled every once in while to let them know who's boss and to curb an uprising

Revolt against AI? Rage against the machine? Yes it can give one sneaky satisfaction.

I chuck my phone round sometimes because its one of those cheap ones with the memory of a gnat and the battery's always flat as well so its in a constant state of testing its limits against mine...

Raging against the machine has little to no effect. I meant the sneaky little covert AI buggers


They don't make em like they used too , my Nokia 3310 lasted ages and I treated it like dirt

Occasionally I've felt sorry for machines and other things I've manhandled and made it up to them with a bit of a kiss and cuddle...

I've never felt sorry for the things I've personally manhandled although I have felt twinges of empathy for inanimate objects when I've witnessed other people doing it.

Thanks for posting this topic, and thanks to everyone who answered and shared their own experiences. I've personally been wondering about this one ever since I first started researching autism. At the beginning, meltdowns and shutdowns were the aspect I identified with the least... Being limited at first by the uninformed, stereotypical, mainstream-media image of what a meltdown is, I just thought, "Well, that isn't me. I've never done that."

But then, I started realizing that yes, I have had my own versions of meltdowns, privately, usually after surviving a high-stress or upsetting day or event. I keep the tightest of "lids" on myself while the event is going down, because I'm in public and/or my professional reputation depends on keeping control and keeping the "mask" firmly in place.

But once I'm alone it comes out in various ways. It got really bad for awhile when I was working as a cat caregiver at an animal shelter. I'd often be in charge of 80-100 cats every day: everything from feeding them all, cleaning the entire building with maybe one other co-worker to help, sorting and administering pills and injections, and fielding calls and medical emergencies all while playing host to shelter volunteers. Days that we had to euthanize a sick cat were the absolute worst, but the "trigger" could also be something as simple as just an overly busy day with unexpected things throwing off the routine and rhythm of the work. At least once or twice a week, my drive home would go something like this: Screaming at the windshield until I was hoarse, crying hysterically, shouting four-letter words, and calling my horrible supervisors every bad name in the book. I'd do my best to get it all out of my system before I got home, like a detox of all the bad energy I'd absorbed during the day.

At the time, I just put it down to the stress of working in animal welfare, but now I'm not so sure. Looking back and re-evaluating my behavior over the years, I realize:

1) When I get intensely angry at a family member, it comes out as tears--can't stop myself crying even if I'm trying to argue my case, which is frustrating since my throat locks up and I can't get the words past that horrible choked-up feeling, and I get even more mad at myself because I know my tears will be perceived as weakness and I won't be taken seriously *because* I am crying.

2) I tend to cuss extensively at traffic, especially in rush-hour: the combined stress of trying to get somewhere on time and the feeling of cars being "in my way" and doing dumb things... Not road rage exactly, but more a low-grade "road irritation."

3) When caught in a high-stress work situation, especially at the receptionist-type job I have now, where calls pile up and pile up as I'm stuck answering a million dumb questions on the phone for one caller, and meanwhile my boss is texting me in real-time to ask why the calls are backing up and have I answered them yet, and there's a group of people walking in the door to begin their tour and need to be checked in... and then someone comes up and asks me a question... And there's that moment in my head where I can feel the pressure building and building until some internal switch flips and I simply *cannot* take any more information on board. My brain capacity has been reached and the video feed freezes because buffering is no longer taking place. And yet somehow I still keep the mask on and forge ahead as well as I can, knowing I'll be screaming at the windshield on the way home later that day.

(Sorry, this turned into a book that I'm quite sure no one will ever read, but it has been helpful to write down some of these things just to make sense of them for myself.)

I quite understand. And venting your frustrations on something like that windshield, can feel therapeutic or good later. I also have a history of cussing out things that can't answer back and ultimately one feels guilty about throwing the toys about, but somehow better. People and things can let us down. Animals never do, so I can understand why you were involved in animal welfare. Pets can make us feel so much better when people or machines have let us down!

My outbreaks are usually very brief and soon over, leaving me feel better able to cope with the situation once I've had a chance to evaluate it more calmly.

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

What you said in the original post a lot of that I do even as an adult if the right triggers happen. I dont hurt others but have hurt myself (mostly scratching or hitting), and I dont do it in public, i manage to wait till I'm home or somewhere others won't see. The exception is my husband, he's seen me meltdown before. Geez actually typing this out I realize normal people don't do things like this.

My last meltdown was mild as compared to some of my other ones. I've been trying to be more in tune with myself and try recognizing the stress buildup. It was mom's turn to cook the evening meal but she ignored it and when I got hungry, I announced I would make omelets and we had green salad to go with them. Omelets require a mise en place and you can only do one at a time. The plan was to beat my eggs while hers' were setting in the heat. She just watching me while I'm prepping and cooking, in the way, and yakking about the price of tea in china. After I flipped her omelet on the plate, she asked me some question that required a huge amount of thinking on my part just as I put the butter in the hot pan to make my omelet. I looked and the eggs were not whisked and just melted. I took a couple deep breaths, told her I was busy and then started over with making my omelet with the smell of burnt butter in the air.

The stress had been building all week and I monitored it. I also stopped exercising and my sleep pattern had changed as I wasn't getting as much as usual. Diet also has some affect per the experts. The deep breaths at the moment helped but the moment still caught me by surprise. I wanted to snap but it was gone within the second breath for me. It was a learning experience.

Everybody has meltdowns and there is little control over them. NTs have them, just not as intense or as often but they do have them, I've watched a few.

I was trying to gauge how much stress I could pile on and dealt with the burnout afterwards. Diet, exercising, and good sleep help. Now I have to learn how to avoid it before the moment happens, if possible.

What the experts say works: Diet, Exercise, nature, meditation, music. One book even recommended a stress repair kit such as creative destruction...crushing a can, popping the bubbles in bubble wrap, and as you do "let it all out by screaming at the windshield."

What doesn't work or not recommended: suppressing the stress and repressing the agitation which could lead to self-loathing that could lead to self-harm, externalizing by damaging valuable property, being violent.

I am 58, I had a few meltdowns BEFORE age 10 but was beaten so badly by my parents and teachers that crap stopped happening ever again. I am very much on the ASD but have NEVER had a public meltdown after age 10. I was 4 years active duty military and married in and the military for 30 years, have an Aspergers child (he is now 35 years old) HE NEVER had a meltdown, ever, and he was severe ASD until age 6. So yes, I think to many people like to "think" all people act a certain way, sadly social media and false portrayals people try to sometimes "act" autistic. Especially I see this a lot in teenagers when they are hitting that rough age between 12-17. I have also never WITNESSED anyone having a public meltdown anywhere (like a grocery store or a hospital) that wasn't a child under 8 (Children under 8 don't count...They are CHILDREN they can and WILL have a meltdown on occasion!).
That is MHO.
Warmly,
Jackie

OK: I gotta be honest- Sounds like many adults on here are just describing "anger issues" and not what I would call a "melt down".

I have had a SHUT DOWN on several occasions: This is where I literally FREEZE in place and cannot make ANY executive decisions. At all. Usually my husband or service dog will nudge me or take me OUT of that situation if that happens. My brain just OVERLOADS with so many people emotions and energies around me, or if I am asked a question that overwhelms me I just literally freeze up and shut down. I do NOT consider THAT a melt down. It doesn't draw any attention to me, in fact the opposite. I often want to flee and hide in fear.

Warmly,
Jackie