who here is lousy at dealing with anger?

Post Reply New Topic

It was an amazing concert. I only know the name of any Dave Brubeck music. "Take Five."

I'm not knowledgeable about many musicians or groups. Just the ones that turn my special interest knobs.

I have an audio recording of a long-defunct Wurlitzer at a long defunct Portland [OR] pizza and pipes place, where one of the selections the organist played was "take 5."

Oddly enough I know more about musical instruments and such than musicians. It's an odd special interest of mine. I have:
3 guitars
4 samplers/sequencers (working and spars for parts because you just can't get them anymore, all vintage equipment)
One sampler is one of the first Ensoniq 8 track sequencer/samplers the Ensoniq EPS. It was my first. It's barely functional, but it's my baby.....
a Korg Vocoder
A Microkorg XL
24 track digital recorder/mixer
8 track mixer with some built in effects, the rest I do in post. when I want to go straight to the laptop

At one time, I had my Grandfather's vintage Reel to Reel machines. I would chain them together and make my own multitrack recordings. I mean I even had his original Magnovox mono reel to reel recorder from the '40s in a wooden case that was standard for the time. Plastics and metal hadn't taken over yet.

And, I am not a musician by any stretch of the imagination. I'm so f*****g weird.

it won't let me post a response for some reason.

try again-
you're no weirder than me

btw, was that old Maggie a wire recorder?

No, it was one of the first full fledged mono reel to reels.

Ohhh...my prized possession at the time was my Grandfather's Harman/Kardon 50 watt tube amp. I could play my guitars and keyboards through it even though it was made for audio equipment. I just found converters to match impedance and voila!. But it was sweeeeet. So warm sounding, all that analog glory. You could hear the moisture burn off the components as it warmed up.....

I still have synth samples for some vintage equipment people would let me borrow to get basic tones and types of wave forms.

I was really turned onto the sampling due to the group "Art of Noise" and I really liked all that techno/synth stuff from the Monkees (Daily Nightly) and Walter/Wendy Carlos all the way up to the 90s until they just got too sweet sounding. Too padded.

I like that stuff when it grunted and farted like it did on 'Spirit in the Sky'. Keith Emerson, Rick Wakeman, Billy Preston, all those guys.

I was torn between wanting to be them or Ritchie Blackmore, Glen Campbell (ok...sounds like a stretch, but that mother could play!! Many tope ten rock songs even because of his session days) or David Gilmore.

But, alas, no talent, just enjoyment and my little special interest hell. I'm sitting next to about $10,000 of equipment I barely use.

when I was a [lower] middle class civil servant I used to have expensive [for me] audio stuff as well. a home theatre. now I get by in a tin can with some old audio equipment I found cheap at good will or was given me by my siblings as their cast-offs. doesn't take much amperage to make a tin can throb and vibrate and rattle.

My bestest babies in the Samplers are my ASR 10 machines. Fully decked out with SCSI interface and maxed out memory. Each one of those can go for $1000 in the condition it's in and rare parts. The SCSI interface alone is $300 last time I checked.

And it's real crunchy but can go sweet when you want that smooth synth pad sound. That model was used on a LOT of hits in the '90s.

I also have almost every library sound they put out too.

I took one of my portable recorders once out to the beach and made my own recordings. Then went back and sampled them into different keys.

Then I went and 'played' about an hour of 'beach sound music'. Then at night, I would turn it on and put it on loop. I had my own, custom 'ambient sound' machine that seamlessly looped forever.

Did that with rain and storm sounds. I have three of my own now. I even have them recorded as one hour loops in MP3 format for when I want to listen on the train.

I like thunder. It is calming to me. That and the white noise of rain or surf. I like the crashing surf too.

so which sounds better to you- beach in Ab or in C#?

I deal with anger badly, still now. Even when I get other emotions it feels like anger sometimes. But I'm still learning to know how I feel.

And like you on another post on that thread, I bottle up a lot. For days, weeks, months, more. It builds up lots of plenty different emotions - we feel.everyday. I think that objectively doesn't help., knowing and/or dealing with them.

It is logically a lot turned inward, while yet not always understood. Outbursts, a lot less now, been a while. I handle it on my own. Some control but not an effective tool for better, not entirely.

Writing, singing, talking alone to let things out and seek self objective thinking. But rarely addressed because I still feel anger = violence. Which I rationally know is not true. But bottled up things, maybe.
I have no other effective outputs than arts and creativity, and partly.therapy.

Doesn't matter. It's all a beach to deal with.

I have been reading a lot to understand things. This is the same thing I read in an article or two a few weeks back while just following links.

It is beginning to make sense with me now and I wonder if this is a lot to do with my reactions to things.

I know when I'm heading into a meltdown, or even in the middle of an outburst, I am constantly thinking that they don't understand how much I've been holding back on everything.

But, now I wonder if a large part of that 'everything' is what you described.

Here's why. I forget the term the person who gave me my evaluation used, but she said that shen I had to narrate something by looking at pictures, I never put content other than direct observation. I got all detailed about the art, the drawing styles and anything other than the emotional content.

I hope someone can tell me a bit more about that. I'm still waiting on the written evaluation. I would like to at least know the name so I can google it.

But it seems to point to a huge disconnect inside me.

I miss being able to run and run and run until I left all the anxiety and anger behind me.

It lead to LOTs of meltdowns as a kid where I'd yell, curse & insult people or throw stuff at my wall. I handle anger aLOT better nowadays.

^^^