Everybody Is Identical: a response to An Open Letter to the Depressed Aspergian

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A warm welcome to Wrong Planet Glad you found the article so worthwhile.

Thank you. This enlightened my day.

Wonderful article, and yes to all of it. Like several respondents here, I endured a lifetime of bullying, remember it far too well, and need longer times than many to recover from rejections - good recipe for social isolation there. I also identify with the frustration over resources *labeled* as being for Aspie support that are *actually* support groups for parents of Aspie children. Absolutely, such support is necessary and right, but it seems to presuppose that if you're Aspie, adult, and appear to be functioning, you don't need anything and shouldn't even ask. (And if you do ask, brace yourself. I was met with breathtaking hostility from one such group when I called to ask - very politely - for a referral to any existing adult Aspergers' support resources they might know about. Perhaps they didn't want to face the fact that their own Aspie children would be Aspie adults one day? I'd have thought they'd be planning for it.)

I also think that taking the position that "this is immutable social reality, we're stuck" can be self defeating. After all, 200 years ago in much of the US, it was illegal to teach black people (many of whom were enslaved!) to read (edit in: and 50+ years ago, many blacks were still *obviously and directly* barred from voting on the basis of skin color!). 500+ years ago in much of Europe, it may not have been illegal to teach women to read, but it was unusual. Until about 55 years ago in the US, many old people actually resorted to eating dog food if they had nobody to support them when they could no longer work. (I am old enough to have witnessed both the Civil Rights movement and the geriatric dog food meals. It was Medicare, even more than Social Security, that changed our elders' diets.) I don't think these things changed because people in the wrong forced them to change; I think they changed because the things were wrong and enough people finally saw it, faced it, and found a way to change it. And Aspies have civil rights too... even we grown-up ones.

Anyway, wonderful article. I look forward to reading through your other articles already here, and your new ones as they appear!

I found this to be an insightful (and incredibly sad) snapshot of both depression and autism. I myself find that I am here as an NT with a close friend in my life who is diagnosed with cyclical depression and suspected Aspergers. I have found myself lately wondering if I should be more concerned with whether or not he is suicidal, but can never find a way to appropriately ask this question. He is so deeply saddened, and while I wat to be with him and help make his way of life better, I always leave him wondering if I should have sad or done or heard more..in run causing me situational depression as part of the aftermath. I’m wondering what you might suggest saying to a person with Aspergers and depression; what words will help get through?

How can I help?
I'm here for you, we'll face this together.
I have faith in your hidden strength
You really matter to me
I appreciate and approve of you no matter what.
When you experience hopelessness, I am going to hold on to your hope for you, until you are ready to take it back.
What's happening for you right now?

Truth is there are no words, words are transient, subjective and disposable in the NT world, we eventually learn this through painful experience. No matter how sincere, heartfelt and positively received the sentiments are, once left alone in our toxic reality, sentiment floats away on the breeze.

And within that paragraph i believe lies the key; Toxic reality.

One of the benefits of a late diagnosis is perversely the opportunity to experience life unlabelled and unfiltered, to find out what really works and what doesn't; to push our existence to its limits, and within my experiences there are golden threads that run through the good and beacons through the bad.

The most vital element to an aspie is environment. Yes i know very broad and also very universal, but like some of the most vivacious creatures on our planet we are unable to flourish outside a very specific climate and often unable to create that environment.

Central to this wellness is Roots; Foundation. Grounding. Sanctuary. Stability. Our own space where we are able to be who we are, on our terms, a space to lick our wounds, celebrate our interests and grow.

Unfortunately one of the requirements within those roots are an element i struggle with due to executive functioning, routine. I NEED routine, it is the atomic clock that grounds my chaos. Without the stability that routine brings the next stage is impossible to maintain (or attain).

Engagement in life. 'Nothing to fear but fear itself'. I've done lots of things that 99.9% of the world will never/can never do, not because i was handed opportunities, quite the opposite, it is because of my aspergers; focus (unless the adhd is hindering, which if is the case its likely creative distraction), out of the box thinking and sheer bloody mindedness, but without roots, routine and stability these traits can become unhealthy and counterproductive to ones aims. With stability etc i can endure all sorts, so long as the end goal is beneficial in some tangible, positive way.

'Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life'

It's true, when you find what makes you tick, find out why; Is it analytical, creative or practical? How do you monetise it? Could it sustain you? If not, how could it? I'm not rich or anywhere near, but my life hasnt been about trinkets or accumulating wealth but i personally know/knew (haha, money money money) an aspie billionaire (money made through his aspie obsession) and an aspie bitcoin millionaire. I hear you, not everyones a tech genius, but that doesn't mean you can't own your own means of production.

Manifest destiny. Dare to dream has been my personal mantra forever, i believe if we can conceptualise something we can realise it, and the same goes with our lives, of course this is dependent on required effort and patience, but if you can figure a way, you can do it.



Oh and a really important part. Know thyself. I suppose this is self awareness as opposed to self consciousness and may be something we find tricky due to theory of mind but it is most certainly something we can learn to do very well and create growth.

If internal reflection and analysis is a problem a good way to externalise this process is through a SWOT analysis, SWOT stands for STRENGTHS, WEAKNESSES, OPPORTUNITIES, THREATS.

STRENGTHS - List your personal attributes that you see as strengths.

WEAKNESSES - List areas you are not as strong in.

OPPORTUNITIES - List unique attributes, abilities, resources, connections etc etc you have.

THREATS - Personal attributes or issues that hinder successfully achieving things.

***** This is a personal list don't do it in the thread.

This tool is great for self reflection but it can be applied to allsorts of things, especially in interpersonal relationships.





The things i've discussed in this post are observations and insights from myself and observing others, and is not some sort of guide as in do this this this and this and everything will be ok, cos it wont, it is a continual process, i myself am just coming back to life after a nightmare 12 months, but would i change the time previous to this past 12 months? Nope. With each setback, knockout, spinaround or whatever, i get wiser and stronger, yes things hurt, but the beauty in starting again is that we can build upon our mistakes and eventually we'll get it right and it lasts.


And for those wondering how they can support someone with ASD try and figure out where they are in my post, and try to SUBTLY or overtly with consent, change that toxic reality. Actions speak louder than words. x

Very well done, sir. Very well-written, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Forgive me for not responding as quickly as I should have, I just wanted to make sure that I left this comment. I look forward to reading more of your work, sir.

Made me tear up a little bit.
I kind of needed that today.

Great article!
I wish there were support groups..

Marvellous.

I have just joined this community and I can honestly say, after reading that wow!
well done

I share your pain. My partner died nearly nine years ago now and I am no closer to getting involved in a new relationship although I desperately want one. I just can't seem to sell myself at all. Leading to a reliance on alcohol to supposedly make me happy.

I was in Merseyside once, on the train to Liverpool. It looks pretty scenic.

I also like "Ferry Cross the Mersey."

I also like laminate over carpet.

I think of life, at times, as just "something to get over." There are obstacles which must be overcome. It can never be a bed of roses (even if it was a bed of roses, you still might get stabbed by the roses' thorns).

It's a tragedy that so many Aspergians think having Asperger's is such a tragedy. It really doesn't have to be. I know it's frustrating. it's frustrating to me.

But....there is intrinsic worth in every person. A person with Asperger's has to realize he/she is worthy. And he/she has some sort of "genius" that must be utilized as a counterpoint to all the burdens which the Aspergian must face.

The brief time I have spent on this forum has indeed made me look at things differently and if I can train myself to look at things in a different way.I want to stop working myself out to myself

I know the Cavern and all that is really touristy nowadays.

Do you think you would have been an aficionado of the Beatles if you were around then?

Never had as big thing about music as I did about football, aficionado of Liverpool fc maybe.