Did you think everyone had a conspiracy against you?

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Yes. The weird thing is, from a certain point of view, I was right. I thought that the grown-ups were talking behind my back about me and they were. They held regular IEP meetings about me. They had behavioral reports behind the scenes. All the way through high school, I was never once included in IEP proceedings. They had a HUGE impact on my life and I never got a say. I still have no idea if I even had an IEP in highschool or if it was removed early. It was that distinct.

I thought the other kids were consipiring against me too. And again, from a certain point of view, I was right. They had an "I Hate Somanyspoons" club where they had to swear to always hate Somanyspoons and agree to plot against me daily. That happened for one year, but on a more consistant level, I was unpopular and kids would talk to each other in a way that prevented any new or friendly kids from approaching me with an open mind.

To say that everyone is against you is immature at best and a sign of mental illness at worst. But I think that for a lot of us, it's not so far from the truth to say that everyone in our immediate circle is strategizing (aka, plotting) in a way that makes our life harder.

My mom would tell me it just feels that way when I would say the whole world was against me. Plus I had a victim complex as a child. I didn't know what was going on and in a way I was right because there were double standards in my school. While other kids could act up and have behavior, I had to be perfect and if I did anything "wrong," I was seen as a behavior and as trouble by the school. No one batted an eye about the other kids. Even my therapist who had watched the video told them this was a school problem, not a Beth problem. She was even appalled what she saw in that classroom because it was like watching a real live version of a Hollywood movie where students act out of control and the teacher can't control them. How many times have we seen movies like that? Kindergarten Cop, High School High, The Big Green, and each time the teacher always had to earn their students respect before they started acted good. But this was worse what my therapist watched. Yes other kids were really mean to me. Watch Welcome to the Dollhouse, the movie wasn't that far off from reality about some kids who are gay or have a disability, are low income, are transgender, are abused at home and are singled out and targeted and often face abuse. Those children are more likely to face constant bullying and rejection from their peers than "normal" children. Though it's unclear in the movie why Dawn always faced cruelty from other kids and teachers and her family. But I think she is a character that lot of us might be able to relate to because that is pretty much our reality even though not all ASD kids face that.

Sometimes I feel this way, but I usually keep such feelings bottled up because my family still believes that I do not have AS because I am male.

I was diagnosed with AS when I was 13, so my family should have accepted my AS diagnosis years ago.

There's a real problem with students in special education being expected to have better behavior than other students. All these behavioral interventions, including ABA, don't include teaching a kid about how to act out. And the thing is that acting out is an essential part of childhood. You cannot have normal growing up experiences without it. When you are being watched so closely, you can't have these experiences.

I defiantly had a victim complex as a kid, too. But there were also wrong things in the environment.

Yes that was one of the biggest mysteries I had solved in my adulthood about why I was treated different and had these double standards.

To this day I still don't understand why the double standards and why it can't be enforced on all kids. How do they expect a kid to learn the rules and how to act if they don't enforce it on the other kids?