Treated like it's OUR FAULT
05 Jun 2007, 4:29 pm
dime_jaguar wrote:
It is a choice, now i understand everyone has had their falls and struggles, but at some point this person must suck it up and change if they want to grow. Complying to other people's rules is part of life, be it your parents, a job's, the governments, point is you learn to abide by certain rules and restrain from crossing them. Im sure you already know that many benefits come from having rules, reduced crime, justice, the ability to play games....fun, I think aspergers definitely makes it a bit more difficult but thats not to say its impossible, it just takes more effort, now ill respect someone if they refuse to be something theyre not, but if they refuse to interact with me because they feel like the only way that can talk to me is by not being themselves then i wouldnt really want to associate myself with them anyway. Who knows what this person is really thinking, maybe their just trying to take advantage of me or constantly trying to make me look stupid, i dont know but it makes me uncomfortable. Ill tell you i know few people like this, some of my best friends are the ones that just act themselves, including when they cross lines and do something they shouldnt, but hey if they accept when they did wrong, then surely i too have that same privilege.
Change is part of being human, although it sucks, thats the only way to survive.
Change is part of being human, although it sucks, thats the only way to survive.
I have tried living by other people's rules, I have tried pretending to be someone I'm not, I've tried being myself, I've tried everything, truly everything from alcohol to dancing lessons (well, except illegal drugs and a few other extreme measures like that), I have run out of things to try. So I really am not putting up with being told I just have to try - it IS like telling a guy in a wheelchair not to be a lazy bastard and get off his ass and walk. Too many people cannot get it through their thick skulls that I would almost anything to change, but I CANNOT.
_________________
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka)
El hombre es una bestia famélica, envidiosa e insaciable. (Francisco Tario)
I'm male by the way (yes, I know my avatar is misleading).
05 Jun 2007, 6:07 pm
pbcoll wrote:
dime_jaguar wrote:
It is a choice, now i understand everyone has had their falls and struggles, but at some point this person must suck it up and change if they want to grow. Complying to other people's rules is part of life, be it your parents, a job's, the governments, point is you learn to abide by certain rules and restrain from crossing them. Im sure you already know that many benefits come from having rules, reduced crime, justice, the ability to play games....fun, I think aspergers definitely makes it a bit more difficult but thats not to say its impossible, it just takes more effort, now ill respect someone if they refuse to be something theyre not, but if they refuse to interact with me because they feel like the only way that can talk to me is by not being themselves then i wouldnt really want to associate myself with them anyway. Who knows what this person is really thinking, maybe their just trying to take advantage of me or constantly trying to make me look stupid, i dont know but it makes me uncomfortable. Ill tell you i know few people like this, some of my best friends are the ones that just act themselves, including when they cross lines and do something they shouldnt, but hey if they accept when they did wrong, then surely i too have that same privilege.
Change is part of being human, although it sucks, thats the only way to survive.
Change is part of being human, although it sucks, thats the only way to survive.
I have tried living by other people's rules, I have tried pretending to be someone I'm not, I've tried being myself, I've tried everything, truly everything from alcohol to dancing lessons (well, except illegal drugs and a few other extreme measures like that), I have run out of things to try. So I really am not putting up with being told I just have to try - it IS like telling a guy in a wheelchair not to be a lazy bastard and get off his ass and walk. Too many people cannot get it through their thick skulls that I would almost anything to change, but I CANNOT.
When i say change i DONT mean dont be yourself, and i dont mean to offend. Do you not learn more about yourself as the years pass, im sure you do. Well these insights you learn apply to almost everyone, which you can use to better understand the intentions of others. For a very basic example, looking people in the eyes, lets say your not good at this. Well have you thought about why this is, I mean really, not just "its like staring at the sun, it hurts my eyes" bs. Some reasons include low selfesteem or just a little preoccupied by some thought, so once youve practiced enough to get decent at it, to where your not staring and not looking at people shirts while you talk to them youve gained a new perspective on why people behave this way. Partly because you used to be there and now its no big deal, this is change, a small change but your still you, with just a few more perspectives on a few things. Also note my view on people having a hard time with eye contact is obviously by my experience, so yours may be a bit different. These types of views can help you in your social travels, now understanding someones feelings because of this thing they do, you are better equiped to handle different situations...
So what im trying to say, do whatever you got to do to find new things out, always keep questioning, and dont wallow in misery, no one should. There is no 1 key to social success, well maybe one and thats a positive attitude, but it takes many learned skills and perspectives that allow someone to be good at socializing. Just because one thing didnt work out doesnt mean you should give up and stop trying to use other things youve learned, its an on going process. One thing that has helped me is trying to enjoy the moment, and not worry about the past, or the future.
_________________
?The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and
expecting different results. ?
05 Jun 2007, 6:32 pm
dime_jaguar wrote:
When i say change i DONT mean dont be yourself, and i dont mean to offend. Do you not learn more about yourself as the years pass, im sure you do. Well these insights you learn apply to almost everyone, which you can use to better understand the intentions of others. For a very basic example, looking people in the eyes, lets say your not good at this. Well have you thought about why this is, I mean really, not just "its like staring at the sun, it hurts my eyes" bs. Some reasons include low selfesteem or just a little preoccupied by some thought, so once youve practiced enough to get decent at it, to where your not staring and not looking at people shirts while you talk to them youve gained a new perspective on why people behave this way. Partly because you used to be there and now its no big deal, this is change, a small change but your still you, with just a few more perspectives on a few things. Also note my view on people having a hard time with eye contact is obviously by my experience, so yours may be a bit different. These types of views can help you in your social travels, now understanding someones feelings because of this thing they do, you are better equiped to handle different situations...
So what im trying to say, do whatever you got to do to find new things out, always keep questioning, and dont wallow in misery, no one should. There is no 1 key to social success, well maybe one and thats a positive attitude, but it takes many learned skills and perspectives that allow someone to be good at socializing. Just because one thing didnt work out doesnt mean you should give up and stop trying to use other things youve learned, its an on going process. One thing that has helped me is trying to enjoy the moment, and not worry about the past, or the future.
So what im trying to say, do whatever you got to do to find new things out, always keep questioning, and dont wallow in misery, no one should. There is no 1 key to social success, well maybe one and thats a positive attitude, but it takes many learned skills and perspectives that allow someone to be good at socializing. Just because one thing didnt work out doesnt mean you should give up and stop trying to use other things youve learned, its an on going process. One thing that has helped me is trying to enjoy the moment, and not worry about the past, or the future.
This is the sort of thing I've been doing for years, working on eye contact, trying to understand people and so on. The results (or lack thereof) speak for themselves; in fact things have gotten steadily worse. Again, a positive attitude will help someone in a wheelchair, but will not make them walk. Trying to adapt to my isolation seems a more sensible option than trying things I know from past experience don't work. they may work for other people, but I'm not other people, that's what i've learned about myself from experience as the years pass.
_________________
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka)
El hombre es una bestia famélica, envidiosa e insaciable. (Francisco Tario)
I'm male by the way (yes, I know my avatar is misleading).
05 Jun 2007, 7:14 pm
pbcoll wrote:
dime_jaguar wrote:
When i say change i DONT mean dont be yourself, and i dont mean to offend. Do you not learn more about yourself as the years pass, im sure you do. Well these insights you learn apply to almost everyone, which you can use to better understand the intentions of others. For a very basic example, looking people in the eyes, lets say your not good at this. Well have you thought about why this is, I mean really, not just "its like staring at the sun, it hurts my eyes" bs. Some reasons include low selfesteem or just a little preoccupied by some thought, so once youve practiced enough to get decent at it, to where your not staring and not looking at people shirts while you talk to them youve gained a new perspective on why people behave this way. Partly because you used to be there and now its no big deal, this is change, a small change but your still you, with just a few more perspectives on a few things. Also note my view on people having a hard time with eye contact is obviously by my experience, so yours may be a bit different. These types of views can help you in your social travels, now understanding someones feelings because of this thing they do, you are better equiped to handle different situations...
So what im trying to say, do whatever you got to do to find new things out, always keep questioning, and dont wallow in misery, no one should. There is no 1 key to social success, well maybe one and thats a positive attitude, but it takes many learned skills and perspectives that allow someone to be good at socializing. Just because one thing didnt work out doesnt mean you should give up and stop trying to use other things youve learned, its an on going process. One thing that has helped me is trying to enjoy the moment, and not worry about the past, or the future.
So what im trying to say, do whatever you got to do to find new things out, always keep questioning, and dont wallow in misery, no one should. There is no 1 key to social success, well maybe one and thats a positive attitude, but it takes many learned skills and perspectives that allow someone to be good at socializing. Just because one thing didnt work out doesnt mean you should give up and stop trying to use other things youve learned, its an on going process. One thing that has helped me is trying to enjoy the moment, and not worry about the past, or the future.
This is the sort of thing I've been doing for years, working on eye contact, trying to understand people and so on. The results (or lack thereof) speak for themselves; in fact things have gotten steadily worse. Again, a positive attitude will help someone in a wheelchair, but will not make them walk. Trying to adapt to my isolation seems a more sensible option than trying things I know from past experience don't work. they may work for other people, but I'm not other people, that's what i've learned about myself from experience as the years pass.
Well, there must be specific things that you notice arent working, and some you know that do, just stay positive about the stuff you do know about and keep working on the ones that dont. Keep on keeping on, just try to be happy about yourself and position, as hard as that is, its worth it. Im no socialite or even close, but im happy with the family and friends that i have and the fact that they enjoy my company, and ill keep on trying to evolve.
_________________
?The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and
expecting different results. ?
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Tall men treated different socially? |
04 Nov 2024, 2:16 am |
| injury from how I was treated during meltdown-like episode. |
15 Sep 2024, 1:00 am |
