Do all parens of autistic kids secretly hate them?

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I am certain that not all parents with autistic children resent them, either openly or secretly. There are good eggs out there.

That said, my parents were sadistic.

One of the more memorable things I remember Mom saying is that if I had an erase button she would push it.

My parents do. They openly say things like you gotta know better. how will you survive? Why do you function way behind your age. I don’t function behind my age. I just think they have their own problems. They praise my sis a lot. Well i’d say it’s because they connect more with my sis. She takes care of my dads business while I have no interest in it. I am a developer I code which to them is like me being an alien. Well basically my parents did bad parenting when I was a child because of their own issues

I don’t hate my child who is on the spectrum.

I don't think so, but I feel that there are parents whom sometimes become exasperated with not knowing what to deal in any/all situations which is understandable,yet this does not imply hate rather lack of patience and understanding.

No, my parents may get frustrated sometimes, but ultimately they love me and my brother.

No because if they did they'd just not care. There are plenty of parents out there (unfortunately) who has kids and then doesn't care about them. You can't rob your parents of a normal, healthy social life because they can go out and have it regardless of their kid being autistic or not especially once their kid is an adult and if they choose not to do so to spend more time being there for their kid that's also their choice. Best we can do in that case is to prove that we can also be independent because even us on the spectrum can be independent even though we might need various degrees of help in certain aspects of life but that help doesn't necessarily have to come from our parents, that's why getting a diagnose from a doctor is so important because it can also take weight off of our parents shoulders.

That's because they're still human and deserve the rights of all humans, something I often would say unto my grandmother when she was alive

Unfortunately? When I was a kid, I'd sell my soul to have my parents not care about me. Basically, leave me to my own devices and just let me be. My dream/fantasy was to live in the streets, walk around wherever I please, play with stray dogs and cats, and never worry about constantly pleasing/appeasing people. Instead, my parents cared deeply about me, which amounted to draconian control over my life, demands of perfect grades in school, and inordinately severe punishments for little slights. (Like ripping up my art projects for spilling glue on the kitchen table, or 2 weeks with no TV for a C on a math test.)

My mindset was: "I just want freedom. And if something happens to me, big deal! My parents can just make another kid, who's even 'better' than me." Being the naive aspie that I was, I tried to make them give up on me, by deliberately misbehaving. I hoped I could frustrate them into abandoning the idea of "making a good person out of me". I failed . Instead, they ramped up the control and the punishments. Which led me to believe that they only kept me around so they could have someone to boss around. (Especially considering that my older sister was very assertive, enough to push back against their ongoing control, something I was too weak to do.)

I wonder how many parents of neurotypical children secretly hate them. There are a lot of people who have children without planning on it, who didn't really want to have children. Also people who want(ed) children but expected the perfect child who sleeps through the night is always respectful and never has any behavioral aberrations. It does not require autism for a child to be difficult. Even a "perfect" child will have a profound effect on a parent's life. Not everyone really wants that. I've only ever met one person who admitted regret at having children. It's just not socially acceptable to say that sort of thing whether your children are "normal", autistic, have down syndrome, etc.

I doubt it. I mean, some autistic people don't even exhibit traits as strongly, and those that do may be more manageable than another more troublesome child. Autistic doesn't automatically mean hard to manage.

I heard of a study that most parents(like maybe three fourths) of autistic kids get divorced. Maybe they get divorced because raising an autistic kid is very difficult or maybe they get divorced because autism can run in families so maybe one of the parents has spectrum traits that the other parent can find difficult to deal with.

Autism is linked to personality disorders I believe, one of the most prominent being BPD (borderline personality disorder) and another PDA (pathological demand avoidance). I believe both breed extreme personalities, the former is also associated with risky, self destructive behaviour. These extremes will often not result in any kind of good. I'd like to see numbers on those same studies for individuals with these disorders, because I'm fairly confident most divorces will likely occur due to these or something similar.

I'm amazed at how many replies have said that their parents hate them. It's actually rather depressing. I thought this thread would stir up some sort of controversy, especially how the title states the word "all".

I have several people with ASD on my caseload at work. Some parents are great and obviously love and understand their child. Many appear to have personality disorders and have a lot of resentment for the child, or assume the child is lazy instead of struggling. Many who have "behavior issues" happen to have parents with BPD or NPD traits, who play mind games with the kid and make things worse.

I think most parents don't particularly care for children, though.

Not "all"

And not "secretly". Maybe subconsciously

"Hate" is a strong word

God, no! I am a parent and I adore my autistic child (well, I say "child" but she's 21 now). She's smart, honest, incredibly brave and very creative. I am grateful every day that I have her in my life.

I love my autistic son and make sure he knows it. My parents, on the other hand, did their best to get rid of me, successfully so. Good riddance.

That being said, when I found this forum, my non-autistic wife made an account here too. After reading through the Parenting Forum, she told me, shocked and horrified: "most of these people don't even like their children, poor devils!". She did enjoy other parts of the forum though

Sadly, I have to agree.