I don't understand how aspies/autistics have relationships?

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If I ever just got to the point where somebody would say, "You are a nice person. I would like to get to know you better," and invited me for a date, I would feel fortunate. Nobody ever seemed interested in me in that way, however.

I have a hard time being social with people offline but I desperately desired a romantic realtionship when I was single because I wanted one person I can get social interaction from. I'm an Aspie who's actually pretty needy & clingy within romantic relationships. My partner is my special interest & I get obsessed & worry about my partner when I'm not around her due to OCD & anxiety issues. Meds help with that a bit thou. I met both my exes & current girlfriend on online forums & I met the ladder two on this one. I had no luck at all but bad offline & no luck on dating sites thou. I think my personality comes off better on forums for the rite kind of woman. As for as kids go, I NEVER desired them. I have a lot of disabilties & issues & think I would really s#ck as a parent. I also didn't even like kids when I was a kid. My current girlfriend wants kids but she has a lot of issues herself & knows she cant really handle them at this point in her life.

It's reassuring that so many people have accomplished so much in their social lives. I would like to have children and a relationship but have experienced many of the same problems as other's in this thread ; don't know how to connect, people scare me a bit, need time alone.
Any advice on where to start for an absolute romantic relationship noob?

I think it is different for different people. Some can handle relationships some can’t handle relationships. I think that also works with Neurotypicals as well. You hear of relationships either lasting or not lasting with neurotypicals as well.

Right, different stuff, different people. That's a too easy answer. Just as bad at the phase 'everyone is unique'.



In my case, I don't desire relationships of any sort -- friendly, romantic, or even hostile. I'd just interact people on a whim, let others take it as they would, and bare no ill intent towards anyone who came across me, but that's just all.

Yet I kept being fulfilled in some ways, despite not seeking them or barely ever bothered maintaining them.
It'll be a chore if I choose to maintain it, because I don't have the motivation of looking forward to it, nor the expectation that the other party felt the same way. I'd just let them come and go.
Therefore, I never truly knew what was like to feel lonely or ever had been desperate for human contact.

It may or may not helped that I know what it feels like to have a fulfilling social life -- online and offline, the good and the bad.
But that doesn't mean I sought that out, that doesn't mean either parties bothered, and in some cases I don't even miss it if I no longer had it.
Yes, I'd get to reminisce good times, get attached to someone, even mourn a loss -- but that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to it, doesn't mean I'd want it back. Yet doesn't also mean I'm a heartless fool who forgotten what those bonds are or what trust is, doesn't also mean I'd betray them for some reason.


If I tried and succeeded, then I succeed establishing it -- if I failed it, then I failed establishing it.
I just don't feel it's a must-have to me, I don't feel like it's something I keep keeping, but also I don't feel it's something I have to avoid or throw away either.


If one must know, I never had a romantic relationship -- either I didn't truly knew what it meant, or don't desired it.
If I imagined having a partner, I'd get a headache for being bothered and having the need to bother said partner. I couldn't see 'team' even if I'm aware of it's existence, even if I literally witnessed the best of it.
For most of my friendships, almost none of them are typical. More so towards my family. And in some ways, even at work -- I don't see roles or purpose that most people sees relationships as, or at least not naturally even if I did get the idea.

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I guess no parent is born parent, you learn it.

How do we have relationships?

With great difficulty.

I went for years at a time not having any kind of intimate relationships. Without getting into details (hahaha) I met someone who loved me and we have been together for 34 years. I have two sons. I was 34 when the oldest was born. They are the treasures of my life. It has been very difficult, but worth every struggle.

Sean

Having a relationship takes work, and in my case, it helps that my S/O also shows traits of being on the spectrum, although he's never been diagnosed. We met through a hobby we both enjoy, so it helps that we have the same interests there, as do most of our group of mutual friends. Eventually, we plan to get married in the next few years, after he finds a new job as the company he worked for just went out of business and we find a place to live.

In addition to the friends from the hobby I enjoy, I have a group of friends I've made at work. I'm sure at some point, I'll do stuff with those work friends outside of work, but it hasn't happened yet.

For me, different types of social interaction have different effects. Workplace politics isn't the same as time one-on-one with someone who's similar to me in temperament and interests. A busy city isn't the same as a quiet one. New people aren't the same as familiar. When the rules are simple and the expectations manageable, I don't mind so much.

Agreeing that some people place more importance on relationships than others. If you care about it deeply, you'll work hard for it even if it's not always fun.

For me I got a very introverted guy. He's NT but can look more autistic than I am. He thinks I'm always talking his head off, always wanting to go out and do stuff. Things aren't always good between us. Relationship is a lot of work. The kids aren't too bad. I raised them and I'm used to them. Although I did go through a low phase when I realized I need to be always ready for whatever they need me for. There's no more off time, not until they're older.