Having eye contact

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It's metaphorical. A more objective version would be about unconscious detection of pupil dilation by which we're said to be able to observe their feelings about what's in their minds. Here's a very detailed study of one aspect of eye contact:

https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/ ... sos.160086

And here's a much easier read about why autistic individuals tend to avoid eye contact:

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2 ... 213252.htm

Seems to be a matter of overstimulation. I don't disbelieve it, but in my own case I'm not aware of any particular dislike of eye contact as such, though I often forget to bother with it - it's not something I instinctively do. I'm a tad wary of its sexual connotations - most encounters with other people aren't supposed to be sexual, so isn't it going to cause misunderstandings and inappropriate attraction? These days I try to at least glance at people's eyes occasionally while we're in dialogue. Any more than that and it distracts me from focussing on what we're saying.

I'm also quick to spot things I don't like about people's faces, especially when the people are new to me, which may get in the way of the purpose of the encounter. Sometimes I seem to sense that it's contrived and that it's something they've decided to do to make themselves popular, like pretending to take an interest in stuff that they're not interested in, fake people-pleasing for social advancement. But maybe all that is just rationalisation. Still, my first serious girlfriend used to be into eye contact so we used to stare into each other's eyes sometimes, and it just felt like a bit of fun - I wasn't aware of any feelings of revulsion about that.

I once read that kids sometimes play this game where they try to stare each other down - like a game of chicken where the one who looks away first loses the contest. It's supposed to be to do with the idea that eye contact can be a "threat stare," and that animals do that to find out who is the dominant one (I think I could do very well in that game, not because I'm especially dominant but because eye contact doesn't scare me). I've heard that bosses may do that to their employees and that if you don't avert your gaze before they do, you can make them feel seriously threatened. There's a cultural thing going on too. I once thought it would be good to look into the face of my boss when I was explaining why I'd done something or other that she was a bit suspicious about. I'd picked up this idea that not looking people in the eye made them think you dishonest and furtive. But my eye contact seemed to anger her a bit, and she turned a bit nasty, which surprised me. Years later I read that Malaysians tend to think of eye contact as rather rude. She was Malaysian.

So I never quite know what to do about eye contact. The science of it is rather complicated and it seems that it's possible to get into problems if I try to interfere with whatever comes natural to me, so beyond a minor tweak here and there, I prefer to let things be, until I understand these things better, and that day might never come.