What’s your approach to life?

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^^ I second that. Artists and bohemians value eccentricity, so it is easier to blend in and find friends.
"Changing the things you can" is surprisingly effective. When i was very depressed and unable to work, I resumed an old hobby making things with my hands, and it gave me something to think about and enjoy, which was a turning point in recovery. Teenagers in detention homes have settled down for the first time when given a tiny garden plot, where they can encourage a few plants and weed out others themselves.

I can be really indecisive too, at least, I used to be. I have to be honest, this idea was not my own, but one I borrowed from the book The Devil's Arithmetic, which I read as a child. The notion of valuing one's own decisiveness -and agency- really stuck with me. In the book, the main character braved the holocaust with such a mindset. I never had to endure anything as horrible and traumatizing as that, but this way of thinking has helped me get though many moments where the trajectory of my life seemed entirely out of my hands. Making the best choice you can under each set of circumstances is the best any of us can do I think.

To make a decision, it often helps to make a list of the pro and con aspects. If that does not make it clear, I flip a coin. However, I don't obey the coin - I use it to get a gut reaction. If I like the result, fine, but if I don't feel a bit of relief, I'll choose the other way

Agreed.
No one and no institution has a monopoly on truth...
Except me, of course.



"Oddballs"?
I would say: "Individualists" or "non-conformers" to groupthink.



And when you choose "the other way" and still feel uncomfortable?

I have a saying: If in doubt, cut it out.

Last edited by Pepe on 16 Jun 2019, 9:28 pm, edited 3 times in total.

I’ve gotten lots of great responses. Thanks everyone!

I’d like to adopt a more “seize the day” and live life to the fullest type of approach towards life, but I’m still too timid to effectively apply it.

Of course, common sense cannot be entirely forgotten, either.

It has been my experience that those not in the mainstream group tend to be more accepting of a differing POV and lifestyles.
Most gay people I have met are very sympathetic to those who don't fit the socially accepted mould due to the struggles they have had to face.

I am almost 31 and don't have any of the milestones people my age usually have accomplished. I feel like it's time to give up.

I'm 58. And have achieved very few milestones myself.

I'm not ready to give up, yet.

Same here.
I haven't achieved most of the neurotypical milestones either.
The problem is I don't give a shite.

There’s always time. There’s no reason to give up on the things one wants to do at 31.

Always positive.
Where on earth do you get the energy?

I have plenty of negative moments, actually.

I am inspired by people who try to have a positive outlook despite dealing with various challenging situations. When one is negative all the time, it can be really hard to make changes or to observe opportunities. It just zaps a lot of energy.

Happiness needs to come from within. We can’t rely solely on external circumstances to bring us happiness, I’m realizing.

But why is it that so many people before and after me have achieved those milestones before they hit their 30's but I have not? All of my siblings have graduated college, have careers, started families, and they achieved those things before their 30's (One of them is still in his 20's but he's achieved more than I have). Why have they succeeded while I have only had failures?

I am 70, and have not completed high school, proposed marriage, fathered children, taken out a car loan or even bonded with my parents. However, I have lived with a rare sensitivity to the environment, been featured on TV, lectured to graduating engineers, and gotten a few big laughs. Aspies are not standard people, so we should not worry about all the standard goals.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

—Teddy Roosevelt

We need to carve out our own paths. There’s nothing wrong with breaking the mold.

We are tortoises.
They are something else.

We have to go at our own pace. It's something I'm having to learn as people, including other disabled people, keep passing me in life.

It doesn't mean we will never get to where we want to be, but it takes time, and effort.