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Defeatism, or "Learned Helplessness".

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blazingstar
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09 Dec 2019, 12:13 pm

Happiness has nothing to do with having Aspergers. All kinds of "normal" people are miserable. Where do you get the idea "normal" people have a life of ease and happiness? Cause it ain't true. Everyone has problems of one sort or another.


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Rainbow_Belle
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09 Dec 2019, 12:21 pm

Therapy and social skills coaching are a waste of time. People do not like me and learning social skills will change nothing. All the politeness and useless eye contact will not change a thing. Therapy does not work for Aspergers, no magic words, no look into my eyes, now you do not have Aspergers.



TwilightPrincess
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09 Dec 2019, 12:25 pm

You are right. Therapy isn’t magic. You have to actually do some work to see some results. Asperger’s doesn’t go away, but therapy can really help one to overcome challenges and grow. People with Asperger’s can succeed but not without trying.

You are lucky you have Asperger’s and not something more unpleasant like Cerebral Palsy or a severe intellectual disability.



magz
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09 Dec 2019, 12:28 pm

Rainbow_Belle wrote:
Therapy and social skills coaching are a waste of time. People do not like me and learning social skills will change nothing. All the politeness and useless eye contact will not change a thing. Therapy does not work for Aspergers, no magic words, no look into my eyes, now you do not have Aspergers.

Therapy does not "cure" Asperger's.
If your therapist claimed it would, find a better therapist.
Therapy can help a person with Asperger's to get out of depression and other mental health issues.


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Fnord
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09 Dec 2019, 12:46 pm

Rainbow_Belle wrote:
Therapy and social skills coaching are a waste of time.
I tried therapy for a while, and gave up only after the therapist forgot my name.
Rainbow_Belle wrote:
People do not like me and learning social skills will change nothing.
I have to constantly practice my social skills, and people still don't like me; but at least more people like me now than before.
Rainbow_Belle wrote:
All the politeness and useless eye contact will not change a thing.
Too much politeness is sometimes as bad as too little politeness. I have to try to find some safe zone in the middle and I don't always get it right. But when I do get it right, I feel practically euphoric.
Rainbow_Belle wrote:
Therapy does not work for Aspergers, no magic words, no look into my eyes, now you do not have Aspergers.
Therapy does not cure Asperger's. Asperger's cannot be cured. Therapy does work better than asking for advice from people on a social website, however.



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09 Dec 2019, 12:55 pm

The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.


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Fnord
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09 Dec 2019, 12:57 pm

skibum wrote:
The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.
Not only that, but I later overheard my boss discussing my case with another manager, and he quoted a few things I had said IN PRIVATE to the counselor.

NEVER AGAIN will I take counselling from a work-related therapist.



skibum
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09 Dec 2019, 12:59 pm

Fnord wrote:
skibum wrote:
The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.
Not only that, but I later overheard my boss discussing my case with another manager, and quoted a few things I had said to the counselor.

NEVER AGAIN will I take counselling from a work-related therapist.
OMG!! !! !! Isn't that like a lawsuit in the making?


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09 Dec 2019, 1:02 pm

Fnord wrote:
skibum wrote:
The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.
Not only that, but I later overheard my boss discussing my case with another manager, and he quoted a few things I had said IN PRIVATE to the counselor.

NEVER AGAIN will I take counselling from a work-related therapist.

8O
Aspie1's advice to "make sure your therapist is your flying monkey" seems valid here.


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Fnord
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09 Dec 2019, 1:07 pm

skibum wrote:
Fnord wrote:
skibum wrote:
The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.
Not only that, but I later overheard my boss discussing my case with another manager, and quoted a few things I had said to the counselor. NEVER AGAIN will I take counselling from a work-related therapist.
OMG!! Isn't that like a lawsuit in the making?
Apparently not, especially when the employer is paying the therapist to "screen" employees who may become troublesome (I was going through a divorce at the time). According to my lawyer (at the time) this is standard practice -- offer "free counselling" as an employee benefit, and then use the "confidential" information to justify finding the least little infraction of the rules that would give reason to dismiss the employee.

NEVER accept such an offer from an employer!!



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09 Dec 2019, 1:08 pm

magz wrote:
Fnord wrote:
skibum wrote:
The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.
Not only that, but I later overheard my boss discussing my case with another manager, and he quoted a few things I had said IN PRIVATE to the counselor. NEVER AGAIN will I take counselling from a work-related therapist.
Aspie1's advice to "make sure your therapist is your flying monkey" seems valid here.
Had I only known then what I know now... :roll:



skibum
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09 Dec 2019, 1:09 pm

WOW!! That is unbelievable. It's a super important thing to know. So sorry you had to go through that.


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09 Dec 2019, 1:12 pm

skibum wrote:
WOW!! That is unbelievable. It's a super important thing to know. So sorry you had to go through that.
I paid cash for my diagnosis, so my current employer is unlikely to have any legally-obtained proof to use against me.



Last edited by Fnord on 09 Dec 2019, 1:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

skibum
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09 Dec 2019, 1:14 pm

That is good.

My employer provides counseling as well. Now I know never to use it.


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09 Dec 2019, 1:29 pm

Fnord wrote:
skibum wrote:
Fnord wrote:
skibum wrote:
The therapist actually forgot your name???? That is crazy.
Not only that, but I later overheard my boss discussing my case with another manager, and quoted a few things I had said to the counselor. NEVER AGAIN will I take counselling from a work-related therapist.
OMG!! Isn't that like a lawsuit in the making?
Apparently not, especially when the employer is paying the therapist to "screen" employees who may become troublesome (I was going through a divorce at the time). According to my lawyer (at the time) this is standard practice -- offer "free counselling" as an employee benefit, and then use the "confidential" information to justify finding the least little infraction of the rules that would give reason to dismiss the employee.

NEVER accept such an offer from an employer!!


That’s pretty bad!

I wouldn’t have thought a therapist could get away with that. Crazy, and it must’ve been very awkward for you at the time.



Rainbow_Belle
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09 Dec 2019, 7:59 pm

I wish I would not have to endure an empty, meaningless life with Aspergers and never being accepted in this world. I only remember being relentlessly bullied and never accepted during my years at school and this lead to chronic depression, OCD and anxiety issues. Life does not magically change or you wake up normal. It is what it is.