Male vs female Asperger

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What's the difference?

What's the difference?

A tantrum is when a child wants something more (e.g, a toy) .
A meltdown is when our systems are overloaded and we want less (e.g., to escape a feeling or situation).

Mine falls closer "wanting something more" but not quite. To give you a toy example, if nobody gets a toy then I won't throw a tantrum because of it, but if everyone gets it except for me, then I will. For example, as I mentioned earlier, I am really frustrated that nobody talks to me. But when COVID 19 first hit, I was happy since, for the first time in I don't know how many months, nobody else was talking to each other either, so I could go down the street without this kind of resentment. Well, by now I am tired of COVID 19 and I look forward to the time when its over. But I don't throw tantrums over it, since everyone else are in the lockdown just like I am.

Sometimes, a child will not cry if there is no one to provide comfort. I'm hearing that a tantrum is also thrown only with an audience, while a meltdown can proceed in privacy. I do wonder if the Tantrum throwers are similarly out of control in their own minds, or consciously acting.

In general, I think explanations for the gender gap that come down to "women and girls present differently" don't put enough emphasis on the pre-conceptions of diagnosing clinicians (as well as people who refer for diagnosis). For example, some research has found that teachers are less concerned about autistic behaviour from girls than from boys.

Its interesting that you connected not being tidy to executive dysfunction. This brings me to my arguments with my mom that inspired me to make this post. So my mom acts as if just because I don't look tidy it means I can't get things accomplished so she gives me detailed instructions on how to do thing (well, I go to school away from home so she can't do that when I am two states away -- but when I visit her then she does it). But the point I keep trying to get to my mom, which she doesn't seem to get, is that just because it "looks like" I am sloppy that doesn't mean that I will drop or break things.

Now, my mom was never diagnosed with anything. But, since I read about the way some aspie adults go without diagnosis, sometimes I wonder whether she has female presentation of Asperger without knowing it. For example, she told me that when she was little and she was going with a group of girls to the movies, she had to ask them to explain to her the story line (which they understood but she didn't). She also told me that, when she was little, she was afraid when adult friends of her parents would visit. She also told me she didn't do well in PE. However, despite these things, she was well liked. As an adult she has good social skills but, at the same time, sometimes I can see that she is sort of forcing it. Speaking of masking, I remember a few times when she told me that my issue is not Asperger as such but rather the fact that I don't put any effort -- and she told me that if an NT would stop putting an effort they would also do badly. I told her that I disagree with her, I think NT-s do it naturally. But she was insisting that they don't. Could it be that maybe she was projecting herself and wasn't aware that she isn't NT?

In any case, if we go back to the point you made about executive dysfunction, could it be that "executive dysfunction" is a female version while "sheer carelessness" is a male version? And if we stick to the assumption that my mom has a female version and I have a male version, then maybe my mom projects her female version onto me -- and thats why she keeps thinking I have an executive dysfunction when I don't?

Please stop saying "female presentation" and "male presentation". The diagnostic criteria for autism is the same for all genders.

Read up on executive dysfunction and possibly even ADHD because that could help to explain what you or your mother are dealing with. ED is part of both autism and ADHD regardless of the person's genitals, or their gender identity.

A tantrum is when a child wants something more (e.g, a toy) .
A meltdown is when our systems are overloaded and we want less (e.g., to escape a feeling or situation).

What's the difference?

^
I think what Isabella is pointing out is that you use the terms female and male presentation as if it's a proven, valid fact that such differences exist in the way you describe, while it's actually only a speculation with no scientific basis.

The way I see the difference, a tantrum is deliberate but a meltdown can't be readily stopped by the person having it.

I would say a tantrum is deliberate and also manipulative since it has the purpose of obtaining something. A meltdown is neither.