My Parents don't trust me to go anywhere.

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I'm 30 and I can't go anywhere alone, but that's because I could get lost or into trouble.

It's not exactly learned helplessness but more a lack of trust. It's not that I cna't do it but they refuse to let me do it by myself. Secondly this might be a good theory except for the fact that Burning out at 13 really put a wrench in that. So no that's not exactly it. Thirdly, I dislike being helped to much for any sort of learned dependence to go into effect. They seem to get stuck on the fact that I struggle to do some things and think that means i struggle to do all things. It's also not forced dependency cause my dad also expresses interest in me getting a job. But I have to face the facts of my situation I don't live on in a universe where burnout is magically going to disappear and enable me to live my life the way I want. .It's not just my step-mom either. I burnout quickly trying to do things relating to my poor motor skills for long periods of time. Let's not pretend we live in a world where i'm going to wake up and be able to live on my own. I'm not being set up to fail if there was no possibility that i'd succeed in the first place. Which there really isn't when that's a thing. See the truth is I don't have the skills to go out in all situations.
So yes they are being over-protective no it's not going to lead me to do that anyway cause of I hate having people khelp me with things and I hate when people do that. I'll usually just end up doing it myself anyway.

I asked for advice not far-fetched theories with no basis in reality. And liek I said to that post. They know I can function on my own in certain things but don't want me doing so either way. I'd love live in a reality where I don't get tired insanely quickly by trying to improve the motor skills i'm bad at . But sadly that's not the world I live in. Secondly I also stated that it's not that I don't have skills it's more that they don't trust me to execute those skills without supervision. No one is capable of preventing me from learning skills except myself unless they just straight up lock me in my room. I might be being a bit harsh here. but SADLY i do not live in a world where raw intelligence is enough for me to get by regardless of my struggles. and SADLY burnout exists. It's stupid to act like i'd magically be able to. I'd love to live in a world where that's possible. but sadly it's not and even if I did work on the skills enough to be able to do things on my own. That'd take years to accomplish with burnout being a thing. So no it's not really learned helplessness.

It's only a far fetched theory if you view it in absolute, all or nothing terms. I am saying there is an element of that going on here. And quite frankly if you've been brainwashed into thinking it's always justified, you'll argue for the chains that keep you tied. "Lack of trust" is just another way of saying "they won't let me make my own decisions" but in the next breath you're saying you aren't being controlled. Oh really? And hey if that's the case then clearly you never had a problem anyway, so there's nothing to discuss.

I'm struggling to tell what you want here. How much independence would you like? Again it seems like you're assuming I mean you've got to go out and scale mountains or swim oceans every day. I've never said anything of the sort.

You're also more willing to pick fights over abstract theories than you are to engage with the advice I've repeatedly given, which is to work in small steps to be trusted and seen as reliable. If you don't want to bother, well fine, but don't whinge about being stuck as a consequence.

Being trusted is really important for your self esteem. Likewise NOT being trusted is really damaging. You might want to raise this directly with your family, or you might prefer to work around the edges of it. Either way, though, something needs to change.

You're also more willing to pick fights over abstract theories than you are to engage with the advice I've repeatedly given, which is to work in small steps to be trusted and seen as reliable. If you don't want to bother, well fine, but don't whinge about being stuck as a consequence.

Being trusted is really important for your self esteem. Likewise NOT being trusted is really damaging. You might want to raise this directly with your family, or you might prefer to work around the edges of it. Either way, though, something needs to change.

You're pretty much telling the OP to keep appeasing his parents' insatiable desire for power....

They just like feeling large and in charge, and "safety" is merely a pretext for exerting control. At your age, you really shouldn't be so naive, as to believe that parents exerting power is "for the good of the child".

OK, now you've turned into a therapist. And you can't spell "therapist" without "the ___" In other words, a therapist pretend to be a minor's friend while essentially doing just that to the minor, while blatantly siding with his/her parents. You're pretty much telling the OP to keep appeasing his parents' insatiable desire for power. If this were an NT forum, I'd shrug it off and not care, but here on WP, we know better, and so should you.

"Raise this directly with your [the OP's] family", really? I said this before, and I'll say this again: parents DON'T CARE how their child feels, any more than liberal governors (like Whitmer (D-MI) or Newsom (D-CA)) care about how people feel about the Corona quarantines. They just like feeling large and in charge, and "safety" is merely a pretext for exerting control. At your age, you really shouldn't be so naive, as to believe that parents exerting power is "for the good of the child".

In other words, a therapist pretend to be a minor's friend while essentially doing just that to the minor, while blatantly siding with his/her parents. You're pretty much telling the OP to keep appeasing his parents' insatiable desire for power. If this were an NT forum, I'd shrug it off and not care, but here on WP, we know better, and so should you.
"Raise this directly with your [the OP's] family", really? I said this before, and I'll say this again: parents DON'T CARE how their child feels, any more than liberal governors (like Whitmer (D-MI) or Newsom (D-CA)) care about how people feel about the Corona quarantines. They just like feeling large and in charge, and "safety" is merely a pretext for exerting control. At your age, you really shouldn't be so naive, as to believe that parents exerting power is "for the good of the child".

...if they had desisre for control they would do alot more things than that.

While we're about it, it seems that you are very keen to push a biased agenda here irrespective of whether it helps the OP. I'm trying to suggest things that might actually work. You appear to have serious trust issues yourself and a barely repressed anger against all parents.

Some exercise of power is inevitable in order to maintain safety and teach responsibility. "Don't touch the hot iron" and "Don't play on the railway tracks" being two obvious examples. It's only dangerous when it veers into irrationality, for example through unreasonably controlling behaviour or an inability to accept a child has grown up and needs to make their own mistakes. If you just don't like authority or discipline at all, even when it's to teach you lessons you'll need to rely on later in life, it's quite possible you have pathalogical demand avoidance issues. You're certainly very keen to draw completely false conclusions from what you think I've written, rather than reading what I've actually written with unjaundiced eyes.

Why would they do that?


Do you appear clumsy or fragile enough?
Sometimes that seem to be the case regardless of one's intellect or capabilities.
A sufficiently clumsy NT, especially slow moving ones of any age, is more likely hounded to not be left alone and even reach for things, more so with NDs.

Unfortunately, I don't know how to help you in this area.
I didn't grew up with motor issues like most autistics do -- if you believe this is a prerequisite for convincing your parents to worry less, plenty here might help you if you specifically asked.

Heck in terms of burnout, physical abilities are practically one of the last ones to give up on me.


Was there a history of harm or self harm?
To an overly worried parent (whether it's the genuinely concerned or the manipulative kind) it can only take once.

It depends on your parents on how you'd convince them -- and I may not help since family dynamics around here are different.

Perhaps I'm just drawing more info out of you since the context could've been too different from mine.


Or maybe your parents are just too anxious?
This one is hard to break away from. It can take some time.

Not everyone here seem to be experienced with the art of making an already worried and attached parents un-attached and less worried than they'd allow themselves to be.

Even harder to break away now considering the pandemic.

I don't know why but that actually made me feel quite upset. Have a virtual hug: [ ]

If you could practice, gradually, do you think you'd be able to work up to some degree of independence?

I don't know your circumstances and I don't want to judge. You may well be right - it is too risky. On the other hand you may have been told that so many times you believe it to be true when actually it isn't.

Everyone gets lost or in trouble occasionally. What matters is how you handle it to minimise the risks and get back on track. For example could you cope if you needed to make a bus ride but then the bus didn't show up?

The hardest thing for a parent to do is let their kid make their own mistakes. But it's also important. I think sometimes Autism is used as an excuse by over-protective parents to keep their children trapped in perpetual childhood.

Most adult aspies grew up in very strict, authoritarian homes. The reason for it is twofold. One, aspies, especially during childhood, have poor negotiating stills, which gives parents an easy opportunity to exert power over their kids around with no pushback or retaliation. Two, parents don't really respect kids with poor negotiating skills, causing them to exert power over their aspie kids even harder than they would over NT kids

Well, can you blame us? Most adult aspies grew up in very strict, authoritarian homes. The reason for it is twofold. One, aspies, especially during childhood, have poor negotiating stills, which gives parents an easy opportunity to exert power over their kids around with no pushback or retaliation. Two, parents don't really respect kids with poor negotiating skills, causing them to exert power over their aspie kids even harder than they would over NT kids.

So... when a fellow aspie reports being controlled and/or mistreated by their parents, it's not unreasonable to[talk about what looks and feels most reasonable to us.

I’m unable to take public transit alone. I get meltdowns and panic attacks and I don’t know what to do. I get lost easily and walk into traffic. I’m an elopement risk. My problem solving is poor so I can’t figure out what to do if I run into trouble.