Why do people think solitude is such a bad thing?

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I cherish solitude. Having a positive attitude towards solitude is important in the pandemic times we all find ourselves in today.

For a child it's bad because then they don't develop social skills and coping skills to be around other people. There is a reason why it's discouraged to not allow kids to sit in front of the telly all the time and be glued to their electronics all the time because it messes with their brain development and they don't get enough stimulation they need for their minds to develop. This is also why parents do playgroups and why kids go to preschool or nursery school so they can develop social skills by being around their own peers and age level.

But when you get to your teens, then it becomes fine to be alone and stuff because your brain is far developed enough already.


I also see in this thread we are gatekeeping hobbies

Some people really struggle when left alone with their thoughts.

I definitely agree with what you said. But what is gatekeeping? I've never heard that term before.

Also, I like your profile cat. Super cute

Yup.

Gatekeeping is deciding what activities are hobbies or not. This applies to anything like autism, fetishes, depression.

I saw someone in this thread telling another user that coloring isn't a hobby. Who gets to decide what isn't a hobby?

To be fair it was my fault because I don't define socialising as a hobby. I define a hobby as doing an activity. That activity might be independent or rely on others but it has to be 'doing something'.

I do colouring as part of art research rather than its own activity.

I like that I can focus exclusively on what colour fits or looks right together. Adult colouring books not children's ones. Adult ones are rather complex in design and take a while to complete.

Then with the knowledge I have, I think it feeds into my art cos I know what colours look like next to each other, whether they compliment or contrast etc, using a practical first hand experience rather than just theory from books.

I think society stigmatises too many hobbies as being 'for children' when they're not things which are exclusively for kids.

There was even a play place that was open to students late at night when I was in uni. I don't see the harm in it as long as it says '18+' (it's bad enough when a 2 year old comes up against an 8 year old waiting for the slide, adults would knock the kids over if it was shared) and the equipment is sturdy enough to hold the grown ups.

My theory is that people who don't have hobbies - or to put it another way whose hobbies are only watching TV, social media and socialising - get really bored when they're alone because they have nothing to fill their heads with. They might also end up filling it with 'I wonder what so and so is doing' or worries about social interactions.

Filling that time with something else, such as a hobby, makes solitude more bearable.

Autistic people tend to have these specialist interests which don't circle around other humans. So solitude is easier for us.

Take away our specialist interests and we'd struggle too.

It's not.

Tea is just better with some friends.

I was seven before our family even got a TV, and then access was rationed. We read the TV Guide like a catalog, never channel-surfing. I went to kindergarten early, had birthday guests, free access to the neighbourhood, and summer camp. It didn't help me socialize. I usually had one friend who was another misfit. Besides my own AS, I'd been hobbled by my mother's AS. She didn't like noise, so until I learned her language, she treated me like a larva, and continued to treat crying with quarantine.

It is a different world now since we were children. I can remember getting the first b&w TV so I wasn’t all that old. And it was rationed. No screens. No playgroups. I would probably have had a much harder time had I not been allowed to roam freely in the neighborhood, alongside other children, or by myself. Playgroups. Makes me shudder just to think about it.

I wonder what childhood would be like for an autist who was provided with quiet, one on one love, education in politeness and greatly reduced social and other stimuli. I read children who are home schooled do well until high school age and then they may choose to go to high school.

For some people, solitude is a blessing.

Yeah, I was definitely a free-range kid. It got me out of mother's hair. She was good at discouraging contact. If I'd ask a question, hoping for either a quick answer or none, I'd get hauled off to the encyclopedia to completely lose my train of thought.
The trouble I've always had with groups is that they seem boring and unimaginative to me pretty soon.

How I played with other kids fits the 'hobbies' model too.

As does how I interact with my peers now.

When I was a kid, kids played games together. Not just standing round talking.

When I was a teenager, teens started just standing round talking, making hierarchies. Esp the females.

I joined clubs to get away from it. But I was still technically socialising. I was just doing something at the same time!

Not enough information to answer the question

It could be a lot of reasons

One reason:. They assume that if they don't like something it is bad

One reason:. They assume that solitude results from social rejection. Often , but not always correct

Temple Grandin often talks about her childhood and how she was sociable. She had to sit at the table with the rest of her family, had to spend time with her siblings and parents when they all played games together, her nanny also played with her and her siblings, she had neighborhood friends. She just sounded like an ordinary kid who happened to have autism and she also tested her limits to figure out the rules and where the lines were drawn. She also watched television when she was a kid but it was a privilege in her household. She watched lot of children shows that taught social skills.

NT, here...From a psychological perspective, i am considered ENFJ, the 'E' stands for extravert...But my percentages fall very close to the middle...So, i enjoy my solitude as well...As a child, i did not need to be entertained by grown-ups...I was always busy in some creative form of expression, usually drawing, coloring, singing or playing, using my imagination, with my collection of barbie dolls...At the same time, i enjoyed mingling with family members, showing them my creations and singing to them...I was raised by two hard-working introverts...Dad ISTJ and Mom ISFJ...Both of my siblings are introverts as well...My sister ISFP, and my brother ISTP...(The "I" stands for introvert)...I was a happy child despite many reasons not to be, and i attribute this inner peace and balance to my creative outlets...Growing-up into my formative years, i was considered shy in school...In fact, i was nominated "most shy" by my peers in 8th grade...At the same time, i was nominated Valedictorian of my graduating class by school administrators because of my good grades...And so, at age 13, i presented my first public speech during my commencement ceremony--the first of many public speeches to come in an academic or religious setting...As my confidence grew, so did my extraversion...And in accordance with my personality type (ENFJ), I began to r-e-a-l-l-y enjoy the company of large groups...In fact, in my younger years, I was considered "Miss Popular", known, respected and admired by many...(Admired for superficial reasons like academic achievements, public speaking skills, charm, etc.; but also for some very noble attributes--modesty aside )...Looking back, I realize I was often taking the initiative to organize social get-togethers within my local congregation...I was often the one behind the camera trying to make everyone feel at ease...Always making sure to integrate everyone in our social circle, children and the elderly, included...I was the one visiting the sick at local hospitals, volunteering my time, etc...(In fact, I was volunteering my time to a noble cause when i met my husband)...What moved me???...A genuine interest in the wellbeing of others...I wanted others to experience a sense of belonging...I wanted others to be happy in each others' company...And for a l-o-n-g period of time, i was able and elated to create many opportunities for others to have fun and enjoy a good time in a healthy manner...Together, we created beautiful memories that--I know with all certainty--even introverts of all ages enjoyed...It is true that what we plant is what we sow...My social life really helped me to endure some very serious personal tragedies...I have survived 3 fires, 6 automobile accidents--none of which were my fault--and one major surgery...About this surgery...When i went to the hospital for surgery, many of my friends were already there 'camping' to accompany me through this ordeal...I was not at all nervous, because i felt everyone's support...Through them, i could feel God's tender, loving care...When i came out of surgery and found myself in the recovery room, Mom informed me that many more friends had come to check on me while i was still under the effects of the anesthesia...That she had stopped counting after the 40th visit...And these visits continued through the course of the 8 days that i remained in the hospital...So much so, that the medical personnel thought I was someone very important, like an important politician...LOL...Important yes, but only to my family and friends, common people like me, but certainly not average in their love and altruism...Interestingly, it was my extraverted personality that attracted my beloved (Aspie) husband...At at time when we were both volunteering our time--for no monetary gain whatsoever--helping the Haitian community...(He, like my immediate family, is also an introvert)...One late evening, someone else--not me--had invited a group to gather at a hotdog stand after a Christian meeting...We were all seating with our plates ready when I spotted my Foreign Language Professor from a short distance...He was about to sit all by himself...Oh no!! !...I would NOT allow it!! !...So, from my table, in front of everyone present, i howled at him, calling him by his first name...(As if we are both the same, because we are )...! !!...(I mean, all other adult students would call him "Professor")...There were many seats available around me, but he chose to sit right next to me, very, very, very close...And the rest is history ...I am so grateful to God that he turned-out to be INFJ (with a strong N for intuitive)...Now, i never feel lonely as i did sometimes, despite been surrounded by family and friends...Please remember that i am the only intuitive within my immediate family...And according to studies, there is one person of my personality-type for every 100...And one person of my husband's personality-type for every 200...Intuitives, like my husband and i, are really a minority in a world controlled by a majority who prefer 'sensorial' experiences..Anyway, getting back to the subject of socializing...Since my health issues began, long before the pandemic, I no longer have the energy for socializing...I, of course, still love my friends, miss them, and try to reach-out to them occasionally via telephone...To be frank, my circumstances have changed drastically since my marriage to my beloved (Aspie) husband...During this pandemic of forced relative isolation, i have been elated to be stuck with my one favorite person who just happens to be an Aspie...We definitely grew closer during these difficult times ...At this new stage in my life, i enjoy catering to my beloved husband as independent and self-sufficient as he may appear to be...Looking after his needs makes me feel important in his life...He fills my heart with joy, when he accepts my help...Forgive my rant if you have read this far...And think for one moment, if God meant for us to be totally independent and self-sufficient, he would had created us individually, one by one...Instead, he created us with the capacity to reproduce and form FAMILIES...Hopefully my experience can help you all have a better understanding and a more balanced point of view about the many benefits of socializing whenever possible...In fact, you are doing it right here, right now, at Wrong Planet...Have a blessed weekend, everyone

Most people are afraid to be alone. Most people see other people constantly hanging around each other. Most people think that you can't have a good time when you're spending time by yourself. Most people have this unwritten rule that people are supposed to socialize. Most people aren't treated like crap the way that we are. That's why most people think that solitude is unhealthy. I love solitude. I think it's the best thing in the world. I don't have to deal with all the unpredictable people.