MASKING or MIMICRY???

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With all due respect to the OP, it is up to us on the spectrum to decide what words to use to describe our lives and the context of said words. To tell us what should be offensive to us is infantilizing. I am sure there are some autistic people who use masking maliciously but for most of us it is a survival tool. We use it to gain and keep jobs and friendships, to prevent bullies from attacking us.

That said if the OP’s husband prefers mimicry I have no problem with that.

Apparently the OP is referencing this video

The relevant part of the discussion is at 3:07

If found a very old Wrong Planet thread about Mark Hutton and the consensus was negative.

This so-called 'deceit' can mean few things:

One, an autistic is lonely and wants friends or fit in.
But their natural behaviors do not pass as likable and their interests are either not interesting or a no-no.

Two, an autistic is abused or bullied and wanted it to stop.
Because their natural behaviors and their interests practically paints them a target in the back.

Three, an autistic is invalided or dismissed but wanted to participate in society at large... Or survive.
Yet their behaviors drives people away and their interests doesn't get them pass job interviews.

Four, an autistic doesn't like 'being autistic', because of the facts above.
They'd rather wish to be at least perceived as NT ranging from various stigmas or whatever mess of a context the label autism is under.


So, if one could, they'd mask it.
Mimicry is just one means of masking -- one that requires an ideal like model to emulate. It's a simplistic way to masking.
Masking can be more complex than that.



In personal context, I just see mimicry more of a developmental and learning tool.
Probably because I'm a kinesthetic learner, like to experiment an emulated sample then mix and match stuff.

Masking is more of a social tool. One whose intent is to match the intended contexts by external means.
But I do not like to have this weird gap between my most natural self from my outer appearances and behaviors.
Communication issues by itself and my verbal aptitude are already more than enough to widen that gap!

Instead, I'd just study the true nature of this strange and subtle form of 'flow'.

Edit: The WiFi's net being crazy.

I call it “adaptation,” rather than “masking.”

And all people do this to a certain extent.

'Masiking' feels like a more accurate description of what I do than 'mimicry'. For me the more important part of masking is hiding aspects of my true self, not pretending a false self. 'Mimicry' might be accurate for people who imitate specific people or characters, but I don't really do that. Calling it 'camouflaging' would also be pretty fitting for my experience, but maybe it does not work as well for people who do more active imitating and copying.

This might be something very subjective, but for me personally 'masking' also has a more accurate emotional connotation. It's not hard to imagine that always wearing a mask and needing to make sure no one notices the true self is not a pleasant experience. I think the whole mask thing is an apt metaphor for how it feels internally. 'Mimicry' has a more neutral, light-hearted connotation, to me.

As for what connotation the word 'masking' has to other people, I don't really know. English isn't my mother tongue and I have rarely seen it used in another context than autism. And it doesn't translate well to my mother tongue. If I were to use it the same way in my native language that'd sound a little silly.

But the connotation it may or may not have for the general public doesn't bother me much, as I do not intend to use the word 'masking' when talking to a person who knows very little about autism. A word that has a specific meaning in the context of autism isn't going to help someone understand what I'm talking about who has never heard the word in that context and doesn't understand autism. If I wanted to talk to them about masking, I'd need to describe what it is anyway.

A more blatantly wrong term would bother me. For example selective mutism (a social anxiety disorder) used to be called elective mutism. I'd not like it to still be called that as it suggests the reason why a person doesn't speak is to be defiant or to annoy others when it actually is too strong anxiety to be able to speak. Some people still dislike the word 'selective' as it's still too ambiguous for them and would like to replace it with 'situational', but I'm fine with either of these two options. 'Masking' isn't such a blatantly wrong term tough.

As you mentioned NT wives who complain about their autistic husbands on the internet. Of course the word 'masking' has a negative connotation to them. Anything related to autism does. They're bitter and they're either bitter about their husband because he actually treated them badly - some probably due to their autism symptoms, some due to issues that may be unrelated to autism - or because some of them may have their own issues which might make them prone to feeling victimized or to perceive others more negatively. The word is not at fault there. They'd perceive it as deceitful anyway (And maybe some have a husband who actually tries to deceive them. Being autistic doesn't automatically make it impossible to be deceitful. However, masking isn't usually trying to be deceitful.)

All of that is pretty disturbing. If the OP is referencing this person's work, I am sorry she got caught up in this. I don't mind the discussion, but it becomes a bit different when propagating ideology.

Had done both mask and mimicking , often times it barely hides my Autism , it just comes out .
If am to be honest , how do I do it by masking , what is the real me , or my real opinion . Where I see something different then what is being portrayed . Why should I play the game with them . Usually , am able to speak from 1st hand experience . The small talk that people engage in can be draining , as long as their seems to be a threat of being found out or being wronged . Have engaged in small talk , but often or most often , I cannot initiate it ,
And I do watch others for , what might be a appropriate response . But usually cannot keep that up and , will excuse myself to another interest or to the restroom. If am caught in a spot in a conversation, usually I can become awkward with my words unless it is a topic , I know well or is or has been a special interest of my own .

I don’t mind huggers....as long as the Huggieness is sincere.

Clueless is very clued-in when it comes to hugs.

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In fact, i am...I specifically made reference above to Mark Hutten, M.A...He specializes in saving neuro-diverse marriages...And he is the most reasonable of experts on autism i have come across with...Reasonable in the sense that he does NOT vilifies ASD...Quite the contrary, he promotes a reconciliatory stand which i absolutely love...

As to my beloved husband, he acted much like an NT only on our first and second romantic dates and never again!! !...Thank God, for i would not accept anything less than his true self, autistic traits and all...

Have a blessed Saturday...And thank you for sharing link...I have yet to learn how to do it...

Youtube: When you quote another user on top of the quote box are a bunch of symbols. The left most one with the white top and red bottom is for youtube. When you tap or click on that symbol, copy the link for the youtube video into where it says “Enter a link for the youtube video”, paste the link there, hit “Insert into message” and you are done.

Another method is
“[youtube]link for video[/youtube]”

Have a nice rest of the weekend yourself.

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There is absolutely nothing disturbing about this video...Mark Hutten is a certified counselor in the United States...He specializes in saving neuro-diverse marriages...I am forever grateful to God that i found him...Thanks to him, i am better able to understand my beloved (Aspie) husband...So that i can better love him

On the other hand, i acknowledge that Mark Hutten and all NT counselors are limited in their understanding of ASD...Simply because they do not live in the body and mind of an autistic person...Therefore, i humbly came to you all, wonderful people on the spectrum...Because you are the real experts...And since i first joined this forum in September of last year, i have not been disappointed...I have learned so much and have so-o-o much more to learn...And in the process, i have met some wonderful souls who i already consider my friends (I think the feeling is mutual)...

Have a blessed Saturday...

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Super!! !...Now i'll know...Thanks...

There is absolutely nothing disturbing about this video...Mark Hutten is a certified counselor in the United States...He specializes in saving neuro-diverse marriages...I am forever grateful to God that i found him...Thanks to him, i am better able to understand my beloved (Aspie) husband...So that i can better love him