Do therapists treat you better if you're successful in life?

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There have been some good posts stating "2 therapists is not a sufficient sample size to generalize to all therapists". And I definitely second that statement. Personally, I think your differing experiences with your therapists has a lot more to do with the fact that they are 2 different people, rather than your differing employment status. If you saw a third therapist they are also going to treat you differently, have different approaches to therapy, etc etc.

From my own experience though, if you are seeing a therapist don't be afraid to leave them and find someone else if you feel that something is wrong with the therapy they are providing you. Having a bad therapist is worse than having no therapist. It is definitely worth it to send some emails and make some phone calls to many different therapists before choosing one to keep. Most therapists will provide 15 minutes or so free of charge where you can talk with them and feel them out before signing up for sessions.

When you're in "family" therapy, you don't have that option. In fact, I'm 99% sure my parents "groomed" my therapist before I even walked into her office. They probably said something like: "We recently moved across the country. He's having trouble making friends and he's getting bad grades. He doesn't do what he's told, he doesn't eat what he's served, he always complains about being bored, and he's never happy! Makes all that crap go away! Honestly, he's been really DIFFICULT since he was a baby, and it only got worse after we moved! If he says bad things about us, don't believe him! He always exaggerates everything and says we're being mean to him, even though we love him and want the best for him. Find a way to make him stop complaining! Do it any way you know."

So... she did. When I told her about my parents emotionally abusing me, she did what they told her: she used the same tactics bullies use on their victims. After all, she knew the bullies' M.O., so she used THAT on me. She taunted me: "Aww, you feel sad and scared when your parents yell at you." She gaslighted me: "Are you saying that when your parents yell at you over a C on a math homework, it means they don't love you?" (Yes, it does! It means they love the idea of a straight-A kid, not me as a person.) She pretended not to know what I'm talking about when I presented simple facts. When I told her "When my parents use sarcasm, it hurts my feelings!". She said: "And when they don't use sarcasm, it doesn't hurt your feelings?" Either way, the goal had been achieved: I stopped telling her about any emotional abuses at all, even cases that could have met mandated reporting standards and got me into a loving foster family. Instead, I kept her blissfully busy with fabricated issues, after I started drinking my parents' alcohol to stay comfortably numb and secretly planning a way to commit suicide.

Come to think of it, I didn't choose my latest therapist, either. He was pretty much assigned to me through the EAP program. But since he knew he was dealing with a well-off government worker who could hurt his career, he was careful with how he acted in session. As opposed to the ***** [female dog] my parents hired to "fix" me, who saw me as garbage who made his parents' lives harder than they needed to be.

In response to A1 ^

That completely sucks, and my heart goes out to you and anyone in that situation currently. I can't imagine how powerless I would feel if I was experiencing that as a kid.

But my response was more about how to move forward, and how to have a successful therapeutic relationship in your adult life. I can see how that experience as a kid would have turned most people off to the idea of having a therapist later in life, but it doesn't have to be that way. You are seeing a therapist through your EAP right now, but I can't recommend enough how valuable it is later in life to be choosy and really find a therapist that will work with your own individual needs. From my own experience, I need to really connect with my therapist for anything useful to come out of that partnership. And I've had some pretty bad therapists, but when you finally find one that really understands you and treats you with care and respect it's amazing how much relief that brings. It takes a lot of effort to find such a person, and everyone has their own unique needs and triggers. It's a lot of emails, phone calls, referrals, and driving and face to face meetings (before COVID).

I'll tell you about my experience with the first therapist I ever had; it's not as bad as yours, but it might help to explain what I'm talking about. I had been seeing this guy for almost a year and was really getting the feeling that we weren't getting anywhere. And not only that, but that he really didn't care about my issues, didn't treat me seriously, and was projecting his own diagnosis on me and ignoring what I was saying. So when I finally had enough, I made strong allusions in a session that I was suicidal and on the edge (which I wasn't). After that, I didn't show up to the next appointment. I never heard from him again. And he had my phone #, we would text fairly frequently; never received one message or phone call. So in my mind that was the ultimate proof; this therapist literally did not care if I lived or died. I've taken the lesson to heart ever since; therapists are just people. Some are good, some are bad, and every so often you find one that really gets you.

I hope you can make it work with your EAP therapist, but if you can't, don't be afraid to professionally say to them that you are discontinuing services, and find someone that will really be able to help you. Cheers.

My company's EAP doesn't have interval commitment other than "a limit of 3 free sessions every 6 months". So far, I found the insight the man gave me helpful enough not to need to go back anytime soon. He talked about percentages and "probability thresholds" a lot. That is, he said the odds of something happening have to be high enough before freaking out is warranted, and based on the information I presented to him and his analysis of the situation, that wasn't the case yet. Which sounded just plausible enough to allay my fears. While the "family" therapist basically said that all my feelings were worthless and that it was my life's duty to be a better kid to my parents. (Implied: Until I either turn 18 or successfully commit suicide before then.)

Basically, your life status really DOES matter in therapy. When you're a minor, alcohol is pretty much your only hope. When you're a well-off adult, therapy has decent odds of being helpful, along with 100% legal alcohol to make life a little bit more fun.

If that is the case then great!

And just for the record, if I ever have a therapist that is treating me negatively because of the career I have (or any other reason) I am going to be out that door immediately. And I recommend anyone else to do the same.

I think my beef isn't with therapy as a whole, but with FAMILY therapy in particular. Because when you're in "family" therapy as a minor, not only you don't have the option to escape, you're automatically blamed for your entire family's problems, and have no choice but to change yourself into the person your family wants you to be. (Either that, or quietly plan your suicide, like I did.)

I think the real problem with "family" therapy is the dishonesty behind it all. The minor is dragged into a therapist's office to "just talk to the nice lady" (most family therapists are women). When in reality, that lady ends up being just as abusive, if not more so, as the parents, and the real goal is to make the minor even weaker and more compliant than he already is. And throughout the whole process, everyone involved tries to keep the minor blissfully ignorant of all that.

I think that was my problem with therapy as a teen, for SIX YEARS on end. The picture that was presented to me and what was really going on in the background were polarized opposites of each other. I eventually figured it out, but it took me years, and by then, the damage was done. And as the original title suggests, when your therapist "knows" you're a piece of **** [feces] making your parents' lives harder than it needs to be, he/she has no reason to treat you even with token courtesy, let alone true respect.

On the plus side, the lies I was fed as a minor allowed me to figure out the Biden-19 scamdemic and George Soros being behind it since the day it was announced on liberal media.