Feel embarrassed that we fail Sallyanne test

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I think I just have a hate for autism and don't want my brain to be wired that way. I'm not saying I hate autistic people, just autism itself. I even had a go at my therapist for guessing that I was on the spectrum without her knowing beforehand. Actually I was also frustrated because she hadn't checked my medical notes first so when she started asking me questions like she was trying to diagnose me with an underlying ASD, I said "um, weren't you given any medical notes from the people who referred me to you?" and she tapped about on her computer then said, "oh yes, here. Oh, so you're already diagnosed with Asperger's." I'm living in hope that I was misdiagnosed yet people are always f*****g proving that I have it and I can't escape! And there's no information or resources anywhere about my situation (fear and hatred of autism) so I feel so alone.
My therapist hasn't phoned me since.

It sounds to me like you haven't received enough good support after diagnosis to help you understand what the diagnosis means for you and your identity and development. It makes me feel sad that your therapist has not been more kind and helpful to you. Could you find another one?

I think also that the 'theory of mind' idea is a bit vague andconto me. As someone else said here, often people can understand someone else if they have had a similar experience, e.g. if both people have recently lost a loved one. Many non-autistic people have poor theory of mind if they are talking to someone who has experienced something they haven't. A good example of this is your therapist, who has never experienced having an autism diagnosis, so isn't being very kind or helpful to you, because he/she has no idea what you are thinking/feeling (complete absence of 'theory of mind'!) On the other hand, many people on this forum understand what you have been through so have great understanding of your situation (excellent 'theory of mind' here).
It's all a bit situation-dependent in my opinion..

Sorry I meant 'vague and confusing'.

I think the Sallyanne test is less to do with feelings and more to do with the cognitive ability to know that others may not know what you know. But even NTs struggle with this at times too, especially when social paranoia is involved. Like one time when this deaf old lady who my 10-year-old cousin was afraid of was walking near a noisy busy road, me and my aunt and my 10-year-old cousin were in a parked car, which was literally about 100 yards away from the old lady, and my aunt (who must have had good eyesight) said "oh look, there's that deaf old lady you're afraid of walking over there", and my cousin expressed her fear in a jokey way by going "aahh!" Then my aunt was like "ssssshhhhh!"
But I thought, "how could the deaf old lady hear? She was walking like 100 yard away, near a noisy road, and was deaf, and was looking ahead and didn't even notice us, she probably wouldn't have even seen us, let alone heard us, in fact there was like a 0% chance she could have possibly heard us, but my NT aunt seemed to think that just because she can see them it means they can see and hear her. And even if the deaf old lady yards away could miraculously hear, she might not have known that my cousin was expressing fear of her, my cousin could have been making that noise about anything.

This is a regular habit among NTs. They think everybody can hear them even if it's physically impossible depending on the distance and area.

Or because habits are what we do when we aren't thinking, so its important to develop good ones. Or its a joke. Or something else, who knows.

Anyway, I pass the Sally-Anne test with ease, and know of no-one who would not. Even if it had some kind of validity it wouldn't have any relevance, for the same reason you can't measure eight year olds and determine that female humans are on average taller than males.

As for theory of mind, most people lack it, it's not unique to autists. Cognitive empathy isn't a common skill. Whether that's by nature or simply disuse, I do not know. All I know is that I do not lack it.