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Why do autistic women put up with this stereotype?

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Nades
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08 May 2022, 4:42 pm

Don't really know why I mentioned that too. It's a drunken tangent of mine.



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08 May 2022, 6:33 pm

I've never heard of this stereotype before in my life, that's why I don't complain about it.



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10 May 2022, 8:39 am

Seems many people have their own standards …. Seems everybody should be entitled to their own standards
As long as no one is hurt .


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10 May 2022, 3:18 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
KimD wrote:
Nades wrote:
Elgee wrote:
, but if a BF ever said, "I'll break up with you if you won't have sex," I'd tell him good-bye and good riddance.


Goodbye perhaps but good riddance seems harsh.


This is one of those instances in which a man should take a woman's perspective and experience more seriously than his own opinion. Really.


If one is sexual and involved with someone who has no desire to ever be sexual it seems fair that good riddance would be mutual. One is entitled to have standards and to have those standards include a desire to engage in sexual contact.


The ideal thing is to talk about sexual expectations before sex, so there is no need to say, "Good riddance." If both parties are saying, "Good riddance," as you describe, they are emotionally immature.

The situation Elgee describes is a man pressuring his girlfriend into sex with the threat of breaking up. The fact that this is bad shouldn't be controversial. There is no reason why two women should be corrected about this, either.



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10 May 2022, 3:26 pm

HighLlama wrote:
The situation Elgee describes is a man pressuring his girlfriend into sex with the threat of breaking up. The fact that this is bad shouldn't be controversial. There is no reason why two women should be corrected about this, either.


Well said, HighLlama. Thank you.

My answer to the OP is that I've never heard that stereotype before, except from Max himself.

I don't know why he (or anyone for that matter) is concerned about other people's sex lives.
Likewise, I don't know why the question or the discussion is only about women.
A person's sexual comfort zone can be anything described in the OP, regardless of sex / gender.
Men can be hyper- or hypo-sensitive.
They can be very active with a high libido or not, just like women (all genders / asexual people too).
All people can be affected by trauma or anxiety, or not.

If you've talked to one autistic person about sex, you've talked to one autistic person about sex.
If anyone has specific problems with their sexuality or sexual experience, they should consult a doctor or therapist.


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20 Jun 2022, 10:08 am

TRUTH!

This!
l
l
\/

HighLlama wrote:
Because anytime a woman here starts a thread about female issues, 10 men respond to correct her?



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20 Jun 2022, 10:38 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Image


How does black knight armor work?


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20 Jun 2022, 10:43 am

Yep. Totally agree.



IsabellaLinton wrote:
HighLlama wrote:
My answer to the OP is that I've never heard that stereotype before, except from Max himself.
I don't know why he (or anyone for that matter) is concerned about other people's sex lives.
Likewise, I don't know why the question or the discussion is only about women.
.... If you've talked to one autistic person about sex, you've talked to one autistic person about sex.



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20 Jun 2022, 10:46 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Image


How does black knight armor work?


Image



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21 Jun 2022, 2:38 pm

MaxE wrote:
temp1234 wrote:
To the OP. I don't really get it. You sound against the stereotype but you are saying that the stereotype is confirmed by your experience?

I guess I'm saying there's some truth to the stereotype but I would still expect most autistic women to object. I mean this does apply to a certain minority of autistic women, therefore they conform to the stereotype but most autistic women seem to be the exact opposite.

It's like the stereotype about Italian-Americans being gangsters. The vast majority of Italian-Americans are the exact opposite, yet surprisingly you seem to see a lot of tacit acceptance of that stereotype on the part of many Italian-Americans.


I am so confused.
What exactly makes you think that either Italians or women "accept" these stereotypes?



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23 Jun 2022, 3:12 am

Fern wrote:

I am so confused.
What exactly makes you think that either Italians or women "accept" these stereotypes?


I often see men saying 'why aren't women saying x' when women have been yelling about it for years.
That just seems to be part of the usual issue that many men just do not pay attention if it's a woman speaking.

In this case though I suspect most women are simply not aware of that stereotype (OP mentions 2 TV shows, wouldn't there have to be more for it to be a steretype?)

If the stereotype does exist I would expect it's due to men perceiving women's actions through the lens of their own experience. Most autistic women are trying to fit in with their peers. This can make them susceptable to bad actors because they accept what other people do as normal and what they have to accept.

Personally, I have been happily married for many years.



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20 Jul 2022, 11:45 am

MaxE wrote:
From what I've seen on WP, I'd be surprised if as much as half of autistic women are even heterosexual, and of those, many seem to be inhibited about sex because they adhere to conservative religious views or because of sensory issues. In fact, I would say the most striking impression I have is that so many autistic women seem to be asexual.

WP is not a representative sample of autistic people.

For example, I strongly suspect that LGBTQ+ autistic people are over-represented here.

Why? Because, other factors being equal, LGBTQ+ people are probably much more likely than cis/hets to seek out supportive communities for whatever unusual traits they might have.

Many LGBTQ+ people have already sought out the LGBTQ+ community, after all. So, from that experience, it's not a huge imaginative leap to envision that there might exist some sort of subculture for autistic people too, and seek it out. On the other hand, the very idea of seeking out a community of fellow oddballs, of whatever kind, is far less likely to occur to heterosexuals.

As far as I can tell, LGBTQ+ people are similarly over-represented in oddball subcultures of many different kinds, e.g. organized fandoms.


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20 Jul 2022, 12:08 pm

I've actually never heard of this stereotype.

I feel like a character like "Daria" would more fit the "female autistic stereotype" than a woman who wants sex just for sex's sake. Daria is a high school student who has a monotone voice, is sort of cynical, and has a logical way of looking at things.

Another "stereotypical autistic woman" might be Sheldon Cooper's girlfriend (later wife). She certainly wasn't the type to want "sex for sex's sake."



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20 Jul 2022, 12:47 pm

MaxE wrote:
The stereotype that autistic women are especially predisposed to seek attractive men for sexual gratification for its own sake rather than seeking love as most would understand the concept. This stereotype was advanced in two TV shows I can think of, namely The Bridge and Everything's Gonna Be Okay, the first of which apparently retained Alex Plank as a consultant.

From what I've seen on WP, I'd be surprised if as much as half of autistic women are even heterosexual, and of those, many seem to be inhibited about sex because they adhere to conservative religious views or because of sensory issues. In fact, I would say the most striking impression I have is that so many autistic women seem to be asexual.

In my own experience, I dated two people who I believe were on the spectrum, and of all women I dated, they were the only ones with a history of seeking sex for its own sake as I described (the others who were arguably assertive about wanting sex seemed to attach at least some degree of emotion to that desire) but of course I won't ever know for sure if either was genuinely on the spectrum.

Why don't I see ASD women complaining about this?
I have never heard of this stereotype. I would never ever date or seek a relationship just for the sake of sex. I married my husband because of his convictions and strength of character. Sex had nothing to do with my attraction to him.


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20 Jul 2022, 3:43 pm

Count me as another person who's never heard that stereotype. I don't seek out media with autistic people in them. I did when I first got diagnosed, but I am pretty over that. The only stereotype I encounter offline are the rain man type stereotypes that seem to never die, which results in people saying I can't be autistic.

I would not consider this stereotype particularly offensive though, so even if I had encountered it I don't think I would spend effort repudiating it.



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20 Jul 2022, 6:04 pm

How would blue knight armour work?


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