Interests you can't share with other people

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Thank you for a goodly array of nice, clear examples.

And I feel you talked with me as an equal, even though you know much more on this topic than I. Not everyone can do this on a major interest. So, nicely done on this count, too.

I had a huge obsession with sex when I joined WP. I was especially obsessed with the penis.

i like the other end.

Thats quite informative. About anorexia.

Some years ago I overheard two woman talking...a teen girl and an older lady not related but they were obvious friends. Despite the levity in the conversation I overheard the teen gal say "so many times I have had lunch with a friend and the friend will say 'well I gotta go, I gotta get rid of all this food'" ie "bulimia is THAT common". Dang.

Table-Top Role-Playing Games (TTRPGs) like Dungeons & Dragons or Shadowrun.

They were popular back in the '80s and '90s, but seem to have been mostly lost by the wayside.

Everyone I've talked to in the last year seems more interested in video games or phone apps.

This isn't the kind of information that makes me feel greater sympathy with people with eating disorders. It's more like finding out Cthulu is real. I'm appalled and horrified and the knowledge reduces my desire to continue to live on this planet.

I think therein lies the special interest I can't share with anyone: I can't speak openly about what I really think and feel.

I can't express my revulsion, disgust, contempt, or anger. I can't talk about who I think deserves to die and why. I can't talk about guilt and regret. I can't speak casually about my willingness to die, and my fears that some day I could be trapped in a life worse than death.

I can't acknowledge beauty because I'm not allowed to acknowledge ugliness.

I can't show my love because nobody wants it.

I can't tell people what I really think of them, good or bad, because I know it will make them uncomfortable.

My special interest is radical honesty, and this world would accept me more if I was a literal Nazi than if I simply spoke my truth every waking moment of every day. (Nazis don't always express what they think and their opinions are embraced by other Nazis.)

Silence is violence.

Those games are huge right now. Have you seen the movie that just came out it was awesome. I have two standing groups but not enough time to play. I also own a forum where they do play by post. Mostly Starwars TTRPG games, but there have been others. I don't play much any more on the forum because it is too slow and I don't have consistent access to the internet throughout the day, but I still have several good friends on there.

Also try wearing a t shirt around with dnd dice or other emblems on it. You will be surprised how many comments you get.

I'm confused about your response to those facts about eating disorders. I can understand finding it upsetting, but it sounds like it makes you angry at the people with EDs, and I don't understand why that would be the case (sorry if I misunderstood this).

As for "I can't talk about who I think deserves to die and why" I think this kind of talk scares people, because it implies violence (even if you don't have any desire to actually hurt anyone). Same with talking about a willingness to die- it can make people afraid that you really plan to kill yourself.

A lot of the interests being talked about here don't present any kind of real world danger, they're just "weird" or vaguely morbid. I think what you're describing is different.

I agree with you that you should be able to talk about these thoughts, but I think that close friends/family and mental health professionals would be the best people to recieve them. They sound like they're very upsetting and destructive for you

Last edited by GreenVelvetWorm on 22 Nov 2023, 6:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Personally, those sorts of games seem to be at more of a high-point than a low-point. There isn't any stigma among normies like there once was. If anything, the internet helps those sorts of games, because people can also play them online, rather than having to travel and meet-up in person. My brother and his friends play via Discord on Saturdays.

https://www.cnbc.com/2021/03/13/dungeon ... virus.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/21/styl ... agons.html
https://www.cbr.com/dungeons-and-dragon ... w-players/



I didn't dig deeply, but all the reporting I could find seems to indicate things are going great for DnD (although I understand and concede that isn't the same as TTRPGs as a whole).

I've been googling and looking up stuff about doomsday anxiety. The other day I read about a guy who killed himself because the world *didn't* end. Wanting the world to end sounds psychotic but I know a lot of people do want it to end. It's not livable anymore, anyway.

I'm a doomer. So what? I've been one since the mid 90's at least, and all the unimaginable horrors and fears I've had have come true. Nothing we can do but embrace the sweet release of death.

That's why I made the Cthulu comparison. One does not become "angry" upon learning an eldritch cosmic horror really exists; it's something deeply disturbing. So to with the deeper dive into the psychology of EDs.

Now entitled, selfish people? Narcissists and sociopaths? Those are the kind of people that make me angry.



I don't believe in the sanctity of human life. I believe life has no inherent value. Life only has the value we put into it through our actions, what we do in the world to make it a better place. Each life is forever on the scales of judgment, weighed against the harm they do. Life and anti-life are also forever on the scales: whether the joy, accomplishment, love, beauty, and other good things in the world outweigh the pain and suffering. Depression may put a finger on the scale, but the scale can tip against life. Most people are desperate to survive - no matter the odds, clawing for every last minute. I only want to be alive as long as I can live; when I can no longer live then it is time to die. Cancer, heart attack, blindness, crippling disability pain. People live with that, but it's never seemed worth it to me.

I don't anticipate dying anytime soon, but I don't expect or want to live into my 80s or 90s. I haven't made and am not making an active plans to kill myself, but I expect at some point in a couple decades to do so. And maybe sooner if something takes my health for an unexpected turn. I want to be able to talk about that honestly, openly, and in casual conversation.



A mental health professional cannot make the problems of the world go away. I have autism, not schizophrenia. I'm not imagining things; I'm noticing what others ignore.

And it's not just that. People don't want honest opinions. Getting married? Having a baby? Nobody wants to hear that you think it's a bad idea; they just want applause. They get hostile because WHY CAN'T YOU BE HAPPY FOR ME?!

If you don't want my criticism you don't deserve my praise.

That's understandable. Sometimes when I encounter human suffering of a type that's out of my own range of experience, I feel overwhelmed by it




I agree with this when it comes to my own life, too. I don't want to live long enough to experience the extreme effects of aging, and I hope to have the freedom to make that choice when the time comes. I think people are too squeamish when it comes to discussing death. It happens to everyone whether they want to acknowledge it or not

When it comes to making that judgment about other people (weighing if their existence creates more harm than good and deciding if they should be alive) I think in most cases it's too complicated for me to even consider



I didn't mean talking to a mental health professional so they could change your mind about the messed up nature of the world, more to help you manage the difficulty of living in a messed up world.

Thanks for your response, I understand more clearly now

I don't have any embarrassing interests, just ordinary ones, but can't find anyone to share with either. i.e. I'm crazy for rocks, the earth and geology. I vividly remember when I was taking a class in college I got permission to study the rock samples in the lab late at night by myself. I told myself: This will be the happiest night of my life, and it was. (I also got 100% in the test the day after.) I know there are people who collect rocks but have never met one.

No disrespect but some of these posts are really something else, my goodness.

My interests are quite different then a lot of people my age. It's not that I cannot share them, it's the fact that it's gotten me in to trouble in the past for talking too much about them or sharing too much.

A few are odd but harmless in my view. When it comes to sex and stuff, I obviously have things I like and would want to happen, but they are likely not that unusual.

Don't shoot me for saying this, but I enjoy watching Hitler Rant parodies on YouTube.

Hitler in his bunker throwing a fit with different translations?