Do aspie's have Emapthy or not?

Post Reply New Topic

I used to think that I was very empathetic - always an open ear and a word of advise for friends and strangers alike. now I realize that I'm just very analytical and I like to problem solve and help. maybe because I'm NOT empathetic and therefore relatively detached I am good at giving advise? Who knows. I get outraged at injustice and annoyed at the government or disheartened with society etc. The list is endless. But there was one thing that had always confused me: I am incapable of feeling grief it seems.
I was only 7 when my grandma died and I could see my mum was upset and I didn't know how to react. I mean I was upset to see her upset but I wasn't "really" upset. And I didn't feel no grief at all. And even worse when my mum died I tried my hardest to react as was expected of me but I couldn't help feeling a fake. Then recently a good friend of us died and everybody was in bits and even though I could "intellectually" understand why they were upset I couldn't feel it. Everybody was commenting on how "strong" I was but the truth was that even though I miss our friend in my own special way and I have very fond memories of him I have never felt grief. If somebody from mars would ask me to describe the feeling grief I couldn't do it.
Another thing is missing people i.e. not being able to see them or speak to them. It doesn't matter much to me. I have moved to england from germany some 8 years ago and left all my friends and family behind but it rarely enters my head to phone them or write or visit and when I do phone then its more because I feel it is expected and I feel guilty for not keeping in touch but fact is that I just don't need to stay in contact to know that I love people if that makes sense?! It doesn't mean I don't care - I care a lot and I cry easily at the most silly things (I guess I'm just easily overwhelmed with situations and when theres no way out or I don't know what to do or say I cry) but often I just don't know how to react and I feel awkward when others are upset and likewise I don't like anybody to see me upset or react to it. I'd rather crawl under a stone and hide until the feelings have passed. I hate it when people try and hug me in moments like that - even though I know they mean well. I dunno - before I came here and read what others have said I thought I was just plain weird.

I have empathy, but not for humans, i don't like humans, thats why i class my self and aspies as well.....aliens, easiest option by my standards, so all i usually care for is animals, any animals too whether they be dangerous to my life or not, and besides i often laugh at people dieing, it sounds cruel but its just the way my brain calculates the world i guess

I can easily empathize when I can relate to someone. I know that I feel profound empathy when I see a loner being verbally abused by a group. I always have the urge to defend the loner rather than the group even if the individual may not be completely in the right. I have a strong anti-bullying instinct.

45 out of 80.

I'm like right in the middle.^^

FQ 50, SQ-R 118, EQ 10, AQ 42

People think we cannot be empathetic. We can be, but it's a different sort of empathy - based on logic, past experience and people saying how they feel, rather than us guessing. Otherwise it's like putting a blind person in a room with someone who's looking upset and then saying "oooo - you're not empathising - can't you see they're upset?" No, I can't, actually. I need them to say.

is empathy like when say your sat in a room and someone walks in not saying anything and you can tell without looking at them that their sad, like you feel the sadness but its not your own feeling, like the feelings not coming from inside you? i always thought that was what empathy was but some people are making it sound like its about putting yourself in other peoples shoes, which i always thought was called sympathy.

I was going to say yes, of course, we just don't express it, so I went ahead and took the EQ... 6 out of 80. Ouch. That's even below Asperger's Syndrome range. I guess the numbers don't lie.

I wasn't empathetic as a child but now I may be overly empathetic.

In a study of several Auties in controlled conditions, these Auties showed signs of discomfort when they observed another person who was clearly in physical pain. If these Auties have no empathy whatsoever, why did they show discomfort and not indifference? It was concluded that there is such a thing as Pain-Empathy, the ability to unconsciously recognize another's physical pain and respond empathetically.

So Auties may at least be capable of Pain-Empathy, even if not naturally / originally capable of Emotional Empathy.

I would not be suprised if Aspies can "feel" Pain-Empathy (I certainly can), and can "learn" to feel Emotional Empathy. Perhaps with maturity and experience, an Aspie with Mild / High-Functioning AS can (semi)naturally begin to feel Emotional Empathy (i.e. delayed development).

NB: Keep in mind Empathy is tied to Theory Of Mind (you need to recognize another's psychological state before you can respond with empathy) and one's own Emotional Awareness. Also Mental illness and Neuroticism (including Anxiety and Depression) can reduce the capacity for feeling / expressing Empathy.

I experience empathy internally, but I'm not always good at expressing it, especially not in the normal way. My parents had to actually explain to me that you are supposed to express empathy and that there is a procedure for doing so. Otherwise, I would have mostly kept it to myself.

I can write about empathy, but expressing it is often really awkward, and it usually comes out sounding fake.

Anyway, I think the idea that aspies lack empathy comes from our difficulty with expressing it. Most of these descriptions are based on how we appear to others, not our actual experiences.