My therapist knew I had Asperger's but didn't tell me

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The doctor only thinks my sons delay is because he had to undergo heart surgery when he was born. Sometimes I think I see some aspie tendencies showing through, but I started him in daycare for the first time 2 weeks ago and he seems to really enjoy playing with the other kids. So, maybe he doesn't have it, or maybe he'll have a mild form of it that will slowly present itself over time. I'm just trying to observe him and pray that he doesn't have it like me. I have a tough time because I'm a social clutz and people get angry/upset with me and I don't even know why. I'm very sensitive when I think someone actively dislikes me and it's been very hard for me to accept myself when I can't seem to be accepted into the world.

I guess only time will tell whether your son has it.

People talk a lot about diagnosing classical autism in young children but I'm not sure about Asperger's.

For some reason I better about all this today.

I'm unsure of how to proceed, but I feel better.

I wish I knew earlier, but I'm not really angry that I didn't, and I think good things will come of knowing now.

Thanks to everyone who responded for your input, your help and your reassurance. It's good to be here.

I saw my psychiatrist last night.

As far as I can tell, he never suspected I had Asperger's. I'm not sure how familiar he is with it.

I'm not entirely sure if he thinks I have it or not. He seems to think that if I think I have it, I probably do, because I know myself better than he does. This is, I think, good.

While I was there, we told my mother. (My mother drives me to my psychiatrist's appointments, even though I drive other places.) It turns out that a psychologist I saw when I was younger thought I might have had Asperger's, but she went over the DSM-IV criteria with my parents and they concluded that I didn't quite make it. I strongly suspect that my parents probably unintentionally underrepresented my symptoms.

Hi Doug, thanks for you reply and encouragement to my introductory post. I read yours and obviously this one and thought I'd reply to all at once.

My psychologist (I have a sharp aversion to psychiatry) also suspected AS as a diagnosis for me for a long time before raising it with me, but I don't begrudge him for it, not entirely anyway. The reason I like seeing him is that he is always positive about everything, and encourages this thinking in me. I gather his reasoning for not telling me was that it's difficult to frame AS in a positive light without first knowing more about it, so his strategy was to have me concentrate on my strengths instead of searching for what was wrong. Even now that we've decided I do fit the symptoms of AS we're immediately concentrating on the strengths of AS instead of worrying about the limitations. Also, we both don't wish to pursue any formal diagnosis, as I would have little positive use for this.

Another point, which may not be so pertinent to your case but was for me, is that I've become quite adept at concealing the symptoms from everyone, even from my psychologist and I dare say myself, so that didn't make it easy for him, and the last thing a psychologist wants to do is needlessly give someone with low confidence another thing they can perceive as something wrong with them.

I don't entirely agree that withholding the diagnosis was the right thing to do in either your case or mine, but I can see the honourable intentions, and I respect that.

Thanks music_for_airports for your kind response. I enjoy meeting people with similar stories to mine (not terribly common in the details) - it makes me feel less alone, even if like you they live on the other side of the world. (I will get to Australia someday though!)

I think the biggest difference between your situation and mine is that your therapist merely waited until he was very sure about the diagnosis to tell you about it. Mine appears to have been very sure about it for a long time without saying anything, and moreover, as far as I can tell, he never intended to say anything at all until I brought it up. Now perhaps he felt it inevitable that I would eventually discover it for myself, but he gave no indication of that; so it seems that your therapist thought it was important for you to know eventually, whereas mine did not. Both withheld information, but I think the withholding was of a different nature - yours merely withheld a thought or a theory (albeit a long-held one) whereas mine withheld a diagnosis.

I suppose the other main difference is that when your therapist told you about AS, you were learning that you had it; when mine told me about it, I already felt strongly that I had it, so the main impact was not learning I had it but rather learning it had been concealed from me. Perhaps my view of AS is more positive since I discovered it on my own, but by the same token I would say my reaction to my therapist telling me was surely more negative since it was a revelation not so much of a diagnosis but the concealment of a diagnosis.

Either way, we do seem to have very similar situations and I very much look forward to getting to know you more if you're so inclined.

I have to admit I find it very difficult to read of professionals withholding information from their clients. I think sometimes they do this, because they do not want to be the bearer of bad news.
I assess diagnose and work with children on the autism spectrum. In the last month I have had the task of telling three families their children have ASD and one family that their child is globally delayed and is unlikely to " catch up " with his peers.
Every time I have to do this I feel a lump coming up in my throat and can almost feel the words sticking there.. and I watch hopeful family faces crumple and burst into tears. Often I end up walking down the street crying myself .. knowing the sadness that family is experiencing ( for most people this does pass quickly, when they realise that infact they are in a better position to help their child and that their child is still the same person)
I HATE IT WITH A PASSION. It is never easy to feel like you are the cause of someone's pain.

However.... in this situation .. even though it's a hard thing to do, professionals in a position to make a diagnosis need to remember that in sharing their knowledge with the client they are enabling them to move forward and access the services and supports they need to. Because .. nothing has changed for that person other than the fact that they know why they are the way they are, and why they approach the world in a different way. Often it is a huge relief to know that they were not imagining things. That there is in fact something different.
They can then move forward and inform themselves and work towards improving things for themselves and/or their child.

Knowledge is power - and I think sometimes professionals just have a tough time telling people what they * think * will hurt them.. when often they do not see that to pass on that knowledge is a powerful gift for that person .. and to my mind .. a right.