How Did You Explain Your Social Difficulties to Yourself?

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Up until recently I've used some or all of the below to explain me.


ADD diagnosis.
Me on riatalin from age 10-15.
Brother always, always, always picked on me and beat me up.
Few kids to play with in the area = poor social develpement... (and those that were around my parents didn't approve of.)
Expressing one's self was basically not allowed by my father to anyone in the house....unless of course he approved for reasons unbeknownst to anyone, or if or your thoughts mirrored his exactly.
No positive male roll model around.
Little if any supportive environment at home.
Kinda felt I was smarter and more mature than others.

With all of them combind, they still didn't fill the blanks completely.
Apergers does.

You know...I've never really thought about it. I guess I was always...off in my mind somewhere. In my mind, I was a mighty military personality...in total control of the world around me. I guess I imagined myself as the way I'd like to be...escapism I suppose. Pretty lame, huh?

-AA

At first I just thought that I was a whimp when it came to socializing. And in my late teens, I concluded that it was the fault of my parents, who should've forced into interacting with other kids more. After a while I realized that that conclusion was wrong, as I always had the desire for some 'me-time' for as long as I can remember. Intervention of my parents probably wouldn't have made me more NT-like. Perhaps better adjusted to the NT-world, but deep inside I'd still be that introvert person.

It was in high school that I stopped questioning myself for apparently being so different from most other kids. It was at the moment when I felt that I had to stop trying to become another person (= an NT), just to feel more appreciated. I had been doing that for years, but never fully succeeded. At that specific moment I knew that I would never succeed, because I wouldn't be the person I was but just an actor fooling everybody, including myself.

So from that point on, I was just 'different'. Until earlier this year, when I was notified of AS. I learned what it was when reading an article about PDD-NOS (of which I did knew about). Given the resemblances I had with the disorders I started to wonder if I had some kind of autism in me.
After a long time of research, where I tried to be as objective as possible ('cause like I already said, I didn't want to fool myself anymore trying to be something I clearly wasn't), not ruling out the possibility that I had none of them and actually just was a quirky NT. Too many things pointed that If I had something it had to be AS though, even things that distinguished me from having PDD-NOS.

Even with that knowledge I still go through life as 'different', because labels don't mean much to me. Different.......just like any other individual, but apparently more different than others. Oh well.

Last edited by Kiss_my_AS on 22 Nov 2005, 9:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

Some of them apply to me too.



I had a brother like that also. He was 10 years older than I was yet as long as I coudl remember, he was always looking for reasons to scream at me, threaten me and his favorite, twisting my arm. I was the only member of the family who felt no sadness when he left for college when I was around 7, I was actually glad to see him go and my family couldn't believe it, even though they knew what he did to me.

I also had another brother and an older sister who, although rarely got physical, they did other things to me, such as playing mind games, taking and hiding things from me, and making it clear if I didn't do what they said, they'd tell lies to our parents to get me in trouble.



Ditto here. I wasn't around anyone my own age, other than my sister who is a year and a half older than I am until I went to school at age 6. Our parents didn't let us go out to play partially for the reason you mention. In another house we lived in, we were allowed to briefly associate with neighbor kids, then our parents banned us from going outside because they had an arguement with a neighbor and didn't want us talking to anyone on our street.

I used to also think the fact I went to a new school almost every year between grades 1-8 also made it hard for me to make and keep friends and impeded my skills in doing so. I'm not so sure of that now, after going to a high school and staying there 4 years and not being able to make friends.



In my house, I was forbidden to have my own feelings on any issue, my own viewpoints, and to think what I was told think, like what I was told to like, and so on. I'd try to say what I thought and was told "No you don't think that, you think..." I never understood how anyone could know what I think without asking me, unless they were a psychic.

My father did go out and earn a living and provide well for his family, but my mother treated him with little respect. She'd let my sister get away with all sorts of things, like if she didn't like a school assigned reading, Mom would try to get her out of it even though Dad thought my sister should have to do it whether she likes it or not. My mother would sometimes say she'd do something, then go behind his back and do the opposite and truly believe that was OK. She broke her word to me and told boldface lies just to get what she wanted.



My homelife wasn't very supportive either. It was often spent walking on eggshells never knowing what you did wrong this time.



I did in some ways, because I could imagine amazing things. In other ways, I was actually behind the other students because I didn't have alot of the freedoms they had, such as being able to pick some activities of their own, freedom to at least try new things without the worry of the wrath or parents for not always succeeding.

In spite of all this, I still think things should have worked better for me, but they did not, which is part of the reason I believe there is something more to me.

I used to think it was partially because I am shy and I never blamed my parents. I think it my parents had tried to force me to socialize, I would have fought back and refused to do so even more. They actually did try to force me to socialize with my sister when they saw I preferred spending time alone, but that only made me not want to more. When my sister left home and I didn't have to do what she did anymore, I was happy I could just be me.



My parents tried to get me to do that, using the expression that I should have more personality. I never quite figured out what that meant because I never tried to make trouble anyone and just wanted to be left alone and when people made me uncomfortable, such as girls flirting with me, I let them know and no uncertain terms I wasn't interested. My parents always tried to teach me to take what others dished out and let them walk all over me, but I didn't. I think I shouldn't have to deal with anything that makes me uncomfortable and alot of what I had to deal with drove me over the edge.



For much of my life, I felt like I was different. I never thought it was autism or anything like that, I just knew I wasn't like other people. All I wanted to do was just be myself, perhaps find others like me to be around, and not be tormented for being what I was. I tried to fit in at times, but it never worked because it was so fake. Others saw right through it.

I think of a song from an episode of "The Tracy Ullman Show" from the 1980s from a skit about a conservatively dressed woman auditions with a heavy metal band. She ended up singing a song that went along the lines of "I'm different and I don't care who knows it, something about me isn't quite the same."

I never really looked/listened to myself untill late High School.
I just didn't care.
Doing that never gets you any ladies though.

I think I was kind of singled out early in life too, but unlike you, I've never had a diagnosis and am not sure if it would make a difference. I just know that I'm different.

NeantHumain-
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Before discovering Asperger's syndrome and the autistic spectrum, how did you explain your social difficulties to yourself? Did you attribute them to another psychiatric condition (e.g., attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, a social phobia), general shyness, or something else? Were you just plain oblivious to your difficulties until someone pointed them out to you?

Bland-I have not been diagnosed with anything. My son has AS. Part of the reason that I did not recognize it for so long was because he was so much like me when I was little and I turned out okay so I didn't worry about it! I've never been one to have to fit everyone into a slot like AS, OCD, PPD, ADD, ADHD, MD, PHD, RSVP, ECT.

When I was very young the thing I liked the most was being alone. Totally alone. People's presence was very upsetting to me. I spent all of my free time in my room or some other quiet place, such as outdoors in a tree, reading or just listening or imagining. My mom said that as a baby I would lean away from whomever picked me up and turn at the waist to get as far away from them as possible. I learned how to read at age four because of my older sister, possibly the only benefit of having her for a sister. I hated people touching me and loud noises. I did not enjoy TV. I felt like I was born with an adult disposition and wondered why everyone treated me like I was a little kid or something! This was very frustrating and made me not like people very much. I hated cartoons but later learned to enjoy Scooby Doo and Super Friends. That's about it because my interests were always pretty narrow and even today I think that most books, movies, cartoons, video games, and TV shows are STUPID. I loved church but hated Sunday School because I thought that flannel board was stupid as were the short stories and silly songs. I enjoyed listening to the sermon, even though I spent a considerable amount of time zoning out. I seemed to have no concept of time. I would wander outside in the fields or sit up in a tree for hours and it seemed like only a few minutes had passed. I would get in trouble for things that I did not understand. But for the most part, I was described as "very good and quiet". I did not feel an emotional attatchment to anyone and desired attention from no one. In fact, I did not feel much emotion at all until sometime near puberty. School was horrifying for me because I did not like all of the sights and sounds and I loathed children and thought that almost everything they did was stupid. I did not wish to participate but always ended up being befriended by the "nerd" or "outcast" of the class. I always did as I was told so if the nerd told me to play with them I did. I felt like a robot with no will or emotions of my own. Because of this I was sexually abused for a time when I was six years old. It didn't even occur to me to tell anyone. As I grew older, I came out of my shell slightly at home but in front of others I was frozen. I have a general impression of dread, panic and confusion in the early years of my life. When I became an adolescent things began to change. Junior High was the best three years of my life! I had a couple of friends and we did crazy things together and had fun for the first time in my life. I still felt a little awkward but didn't seem to care. Now, looking back, I think that the two girls that befriended me considered me their "project" because they were always trying to do my hair or put make-up on me or give me their old clothes and it was understood that when they were together, they were the "best friends" and I had to give them their space. I was always honest, but usually would not volunteer my opinion. On one occasion, a new girl at our school walked behind me and my two friends so one of them asked her to join us. She fit in with us like a fifth wheel! I was elected to tell her that we didn't enjoy her company and she should no longer walk with us. This seemed very reasonable to me because I figured that no one would want to walk to school with people that didn't particularly enjoy them. I later felt terrible about it when I realized how crushed she had been. I still consider that the grossest sin that I have ever committed. I would give anything if I could find that girl and apologize. (-_Her name was Jennifer Farren so if anyone knows her let me know.) High school was awful. I thought teenagers were so shallow and stupid and couldn't wait until I grew up so that I could move out of this peer group. I began to think that I was better than most people. (Totally false) I had no friends in high school, only dropouts and older "druggies" for friends but since I was pretty straight they couldn't figure out why I wanted to hang with them. I was pretty accepting of people, unless they were normal, which I interpreted as boring and stupid. Getting through the school day consisted of focusing on the next minute. The worst times where when the bell rang for the next class, lunch and PE. The lack of structure, the echoing noise and people bumping or brushing up against me in the hall was so disturbing to me it's all I could do to focus on the floor or end of hallway or locker or person in front of me; whatever, to get to the next destination without freaking out. I was oblivious to all else. I learned to talk myself through these challenging situations. I used to bring objects from home and set them up on my desk. Things such as small, framed pictures, nic-nacs, rocks or other collectables. I didn't care by then if kids thought I was weird. I had no romantic interest in the opposite sex but preferred them as friends when I could get them as friends. I had always thought of myself as boyish. I hated looking feminine and could't stand dresses. The feeling of my bare or stockinged legs rubbing against each other just irritated me so bad!! ! It actually made me angry. I hated shorts for this reason too, but I wore whatever my mom bought me. I was always in the "gifted classes" and loved reading encyclopedias and books on theology and manuals until I was in high school where I ended up dropping out in my junior year. I sang well from an early age and it was only through music that I had a voice for my feelings. Two of my favorite songs were "The Wall" by Pink Floyd and that song by Supertramp "Please Tell Me Who I Am"???? I don't know if I have a spectrum disorder or if I have several different disorders such as sensory issues or a combination of psychological disorders or what. I'll let someone else take a guess. I'm very normalized now but as a child I was particularly good at zoning. I only wish that I could do it now but it seems to be an ability I have lost. I did not enjoy my childhood and actually do not like to think about it. The only thing that saved me was my love for God and an intense passion for the Bible. In this book I read about how I should think and feel and act. I learned that I was valuable and loved and so was everyone else so I should be patient with them. Even the boring, stupid ones. As a child I didn't understand humor but now can be as sarcastic as anyone else and I find the humor on this website worthy of great honor and praise.-I chose the name Bland because many times that is how I feel.

I always assumed my problems where a combination of factors. For one, up until 4th grade we lived in the city and there were no kids anywhere near my age on my block, so other than at school I didn't get to play with other kids except for my younger brother. After 3rd grade we moved to a more ritzy suburb and at that point I never really did recover; I had a small group fo friends in my old school but did not do well in the new school. After 4th grade I was double-promoted to 6th grade and at that point my classmates were all 2 years older than me and plus I was the smart kid, so you can guess where it went from there.

Thinking back, I think maybe the lack of kids in my old neigborhood may actually have just covered up my problem. I was in a private Lutheran school (my family is Presbyterian but they didn't want me in Detroit public schools) and I don't think they paid much attention to any issues I may have had. In 4th grade they probably just figured it was because I was the new kid, and after that it was just that I was the young smart kid.

I haven't gotten an official dx yet (can't work up the nerve to actually call the therapist for an appointment, although I at least got the # of a good one from a friend). But I *know* there is something wrong with me...I had some, er, developmental problems as a child I'd rather not discuss, plus my mom seems to have a few aspie traits and my great aunt on my mom's side is almost deifnitely aspie (never married, she loves to build stuff out of wood and she carefully labels all her tools with her name AND address. Oh and she's very, very subborn and does not like you to upset her plans or routines.)

I thought that I had social phobia or social anxiety disorder.

Honestly, as a kid and teen I often attributed my social difficulties with being smarter and more advanced than my peers and that my peers were boring and dull-minded (which for the most part was true). I got along a lot better with older kids or adults, who often praised me for being intelligent or mature for my age.

The one thing I couldn't resolve until I learned about AS was how I could be so supposedly mature, yet so d*mn gulliable and naive.

The other thing was I knew I was weird, odd, strange, unique. I didn't have an issue with that. I had no desire to fit in, or be like anyone else. I very much preferred my interests over people in classic AS style and was honestly proud I wasn't like other kids. The only time I had a problem with being weird was when someone else had a problem with it and hassled, bullied or teased me about it.

As for social situations, I never really saw my inability to deal with them well as a disorder. I thought I was shy, because that's what everyone told me, but at the same time, most situation situations I dealt with as a kid or teen weren't appealling to me. So I assumed a lot of my problems were more out of disinterest and a lack of incentive to participate, which was true to a fair extent. I mean, I loved band and orchestrra, because I was obsessed with music. But I didn't go to school dances or socials because they didn't appeal to me and I never felt bad about that.

All and all, I was an Aspie snob from the beginning. What else can I say?

This describes me really well.


I knew I was weird, too, but I did have an issue with it. I wanted to fit in. That's probably why I'm such a successful NT emulator now (even though the natural aversion to social stuff is still there -- the mask is just good ).

I thought I did have friends, but now I realize they were just hanging around because they wanted something (a ride, beer, money). Whenever I needed something from them, they were nowhere to be found. Basically, I was happily unaware that people found me strange.

When I was growing up, people always told me that I was just shy and that in time I would grow out of it. I just thought that social interaction was something I never got the hang of. I've spent all my time trying to fit in with everyone else. PArt of the problem is that I don't want to interact with people. My brain seems to split people I meet into two groups.... Those I can talk to and those who I can't. I find that I can hold semi decent conversations with the first group, but when someone from the second group talks to me, I just switch off. This is going to be interesting cos my future manager at work is in the second group and I find him boring as hell!! !! !

I've decided that from now on that I'm just gonna be myself. If people don't like it, that's their problem.

In 1998, I was a geology student and I was mapping in Ireland with a friend. She noticed my eccentricity and I for the first time I carefully self-examined myself without knowing anything about AS. These are my thoughts that I recall…

1. I find it very difficult to feel part of a group. I'm either on the outside looking in and observing people or I'm the centre of attention as a clown making people laugh at my unusual character. I do not understand the reason for my sense of alienation. People seem to know what is going on, psychically, but I’m left out all the time.

2. I have unusually strong interests, that have to do with science, especially collecting minerals.

3. In particular...I stand out by finding it very easy to remember facts and statistics, whereas other people don’t know and can’t remember facts and statistics like I can.

4. I tend to talk at people rather then to them because of 1. my difficulty in groups. I tend to tell people facts about science. The fact begins with “Did you know?”. My sudden statement acts as an attention grabbing introduction, that introduces me into an conversational interaction where I can talk to people (Back then, 50% of my sentences started with “did you know?”, a habit that began in childhood).


I believed myself to be mildly autistic, not knowing that there was such a thing.

I saw a TV program children with classic autism play on their own, this was described as unusual and distinctive to autism…however, it was how I played…by my myself and I saw felt it was “normal.”

Diamond Dave

wow diamond dave, you described me too....