Does anyone here actually not desire social contact?

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Which rather presupposes that the individual wants to socialise, or that it would even be the best thing for them to socialise...neither of which is always the case with AS...though it obviously is for you, of course.



Which presupposes socialising to be the only thing any of us would want or need help with...which it is not...

For myself I have most often needed help with finding ways to minimise the social interactions required for survival to levels I could realistically cope with.

M

Nah, it's fine to not want to socialize. My deal is, I enjoy socializing when it actually has a purpose, when I'm with people I care about and we talk about meaningful things. If you're genuine, if you're interesting, if you're not just talking to me to fulfill some social ritual or get something out of me, I'll take pleasure in your company. If not...it's like, get the hell away.

0_equals_true,

Prior to such, I spent several years as a "hermit", and I felt no differently then in relation to a desire for social relations as I do now. I feel care, worry and protection with her (amongst other things), but the social interaction itself isn't what I find appealing (the social interaction isn't what I sought out); it's the same way with my mother (my father too when he was here). You know how people go to group therapy sessions and talk about stuff with people, and other group activities where people are there to interact with each other rather than do something mechanical--I don't have the desire for such (I never have). I can play chess against a computer and be as happy as if it were a human opponent. For some reason, this confounded a couple of psychos I've seen. But then, they're "NTs" (in their own words too; they actually used "NT").

I think professionals oftentimes take the words of people with AS out of context; yes, many of them would like a friend, and this is what they commonly say, but this is because they don't actually have one at all; this desire for some social interaction is far from from what "normal" people see as social interaction.

If I had to go to group therapy I doubt I would say much of anything. It would be of no benefit to me. It would be a series of meetings with me sitting there, saying next to nothing, half way listening to everyone else, sometimes feeling somewhat irritated at what others had to say, unless it was something I could really relate to well, ie, if it was something that also happened to me.
Otherwise I would get defensive and start wondering why it's such a big deal with them.
Even though I can write about it here and think "I need to stop doing that, be accepting and understanding when I listen to their problems" when I actually hear the problem, unless it's something I can really relate to, I scoff at it and dismiss it as a non problem, the person is much ado about nothing.
This is what makes group therapy counter productive in my case.
That, and lacking the desire to go.

...me?

Oh just WATCH Me "work a room" if I have to...word perfect...I can charm anyone...and leave everybody present either half in love with or totally in awe of "me"...

Except it isn't "me", it's an act that requires my entire conscious concentration, stresses me to breaking point, and takes days to recover from.

Doesn't matter how much I can "wow" them (and I can), I can't cope with the futile stress of trying to follow through to even the most superficial, transient, aquaintanceship...

To have fun among people I look as good as I can...and dance...

M

Last edited by mechanima on 17 Oct 2008, 1:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I used to be the same way that you are. I used to want to be alone, all the time. I prefer to be with people, these days. There are still times that I need to be alone, though.

Dressing up looking good and dancing is much more fun, I agree. Who says an Aspie doesn't like to dress up? By dress up I don't mean in a trendy way, at least not in my case. Or maybe it is considered trendy now? There is no such thing as untrendy anymore. Everything is a trend with someone somewhere.
Going out to clubs is fun.

Since diagnosis, professionals accept it when I mention not desiring social interaction; they seem to expect it.

Perhaps it depends on the team or clinic the professionals are part of.

My desire for social interaction is not only different in terms of quantity, but quality: I only wish to monologue on an interest. Schizoid traits have tended to increase with age too.

No agenda. No reason to socialise.

Yeah, I got no agenda either.

Apparently NT brains pump out some kind of 'feel good' drug when in company, they get 'high' or charged up from being around others. My brain doesn't do that, so there's no reward for me in social life.

I think you're spot on there, and that the shrinks are indeed misunderstanding.

I do not desire casual social contact. Not at all. I have no desire to go out and meet people casually and talk about nothing much in coffee-shops or whatever. I never think, "I wish I had some company," and go out looking for random contact. If I go out looking for random contact (been known to happen, every couple of years) I'm actually hoping that it'll be the first step to something else.

I do desire something that looks like casual social contact. I want intellectual stimulation from others. Sometimes people say or do things that set off interesting chains of thought in myself. This is fun. I used to sit around in a coffee-shop and chat with people for this reason; at the time there were two quite intelligent crackpots with wild and interesting ideas who hung about there. When they dissapeared, so did I.

The above is quite a different mode-of-action than that of, say, a neighbor I used to suffer who would come along to 'chat' with me simply out of the desire for human interaction. I actually once overheard her telling someone that she didn't 'get' anything I said and that she'd befriended me (I did not consider her a friend) simply because I happened to live nearby and was home a lot. That, I think, is 'normal' social interaction. She got something out of just being in my presence and coercing me into being interactive with her. I, abnormal, got nothing out of it except irritation and a feeling of exhastion.

I also desire intimate social contact. Not as in sexual, just deep. I develop few friends. I develop an intense loyalty to those few. My friends often remark that if one can actually develop a friendship with me, I'm the best friend in the world; I will never forget you, I will never forsake you, I will never betray you. At the same time, it tends to not work for me in the long term, because my powerful feeling of permanent brotherhood is seldom shared by my friends, and they do forget and forsake me.

Last edited by Electric_Kite on 17 Oct 2008, 6:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

There are about ten people in the entire world who I actually like to be around and will seek out contact with. And four of those people are my parents and my grandparents. I hate being around people. I'm happiest when I'm by myself in my room, on my computer. I've never liked being around people. I'm my own best friend.
-OddDuckNash99-

Same.
Also I think the reason why is because we spent so much time being frustrated about it, nothing about it is rewarding for our brains anymore.

Do I not desire social contact...? Mechanima's first post explains a lot of it, the metaphor is extremely useful. Getting to Everest is a pain. Staying on top is also very stressful.

It seems as if I'm being "pulled apart" if I'm with people for too long, too deeply. Surface stuff is fine, I used to work as a cashier and was very friendly with all of my regular customers. However, there was no expectations, no "need" or demands.

Oh! Yes! It's all about manipulating but not looking like that is what you are doing and not stating the obvious. Oh how I love to state the obvious!! !

^And then the "look," oh god the "look" of everyone once you've "killed it," as it's called!