Hovis wrote:
PrisonerSix wrote:
Of course, when my parents got on their swimming kick, it all went by the wayside. In fact, they'd even tell me there was no way I could be having fun playing with those toys, because that wasn't fun, swimming was fun, and every child needed fun. That made no sense to me at all. I used to be so sad when I couldn't play anymore, and usually cried because I was so hurt by what they were all doing to me. It was just wrong.
I was happy, why couldn't they let me be?
This reminds me of other kids telling me, when I was a little older, "Oh, you never have any fun!" They just didn't seem to understand that what they thought was fun wasn't what I thought was fun.
You understand quite well. I didn't understand why I couldn't do what I considered to be fun. It didn't make sense at all since I thought fun was an individual thing. Sometimes I wonder what might have been if they hadn't worked so hard to crush my imagination back then when I thought anything was possible.
Another interest that my parents and sister used swimming to crush was electronics. When I was 13, I started working on building a Heathkit shortwave receiver. To me it was so interesting to see all the different components, figure out what they do, and put them together. The more it came together, the more proud of myself it was, but then the swimming war began. My mother would threaten to throw it all away if I didn't go swimming when my sister wanted me to. I could have worked on that radio all day long and been happy as a clam, but they wouldn't stand for it.
I didn't get to give it the time it needed and even though I got it finished, it didn't work and had to be taken in for repairs. I never understood why they had such a problem with it, I had a summer project for myself, and enjoyed doing it, and was doing something I could learn from, but they didn't like it because it wasn't swimming. I was told things like if I stayed in working on it all day, I wouldn't get suntanned and I needed to balance my activities out with both physical and mental. I never understood why the amount of swimming I needed to achieve this so called balance just happened to be the amount my sister wanted to do done when she did it.
Sometimes she want to swim in the morning, I figured with it out of the way I could spend the day working in peace. Nope, sometimes she'd want to go again in the afternoon, which meant I had to go too. Even when I tried using the argument I'd done my swimming for the day, I was told I needed to do more. I lost an my interest in electronics after that horrible summer and found it hard to actually explore hands on anything because I feared they would try to take it away again.
I was the only one targeted this way, none of my older siblings had swimming or anything else crammed down their throats, let alone had their interests denied them for something else. It was only me.
_________________
PrisonerSix
"I am not a number, I am a free man!"