Truly unable to connect

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Aalto
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22 Feb 2009, 4:27 pm

Yes, for some reason or another, I'm repulsed by holding hands in a circle or what have you. *shudders slightly*

AmberEyes
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22 Feb 2009, 4:48 pm

Aalto wrote:

Yes, for some reason or another, I'm repulsed by holding hands in a circle or what have you. *shudders slightly*

At school there was this:
"All join hands together children." thing

I remember kids recoiling away from my hands when I was little.
Some of them even said: "Ugh." and recoiled whenever they were in my vicinity. They just wanted to join hands with their friends and not me.

I was quite frankly baffled by the whole exercise from start to finish.
It wasn't a pleasant experience and I didn't feel included even when someone did (have to) join hands with me.

Padium
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22 Feb 2009, 5:03 pm

AmberEyes wrote:

Aalto wrote:

Yes, for some reason or another, I'm repulsed by holding hands in a circle or what have you. *shudders slightly*

I was hated by abotu 90% of people around me in school... I got so used to being hated that the first people started caring about me at school I did not know what to do, so I responded as if they should be hating me, and acted disturbed... That made people wonder, and a rumor started that I wanted to go psychopathic on the school, and I got interrogated... At least now I know how to act when people care...

marshall
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22 Feb 2009, 6:19 pm

mechanima wrote:

marshall wrote:

It's true, and a bit frightening. There've been studies on this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asch_conformity_experiments

I actually mean a step beyond that Marshall, in that, as far as I can tell, people, at least, semi-consciously, prioritize group validation and inclusion over ever other consideration.

They do not seem to just choose validation and inclusion, they seem to actively pursue it, and further still, they will usually interpret any approach you make, of any kind, as a bid for validation and inclusion.

M

I'm not exactly sure what you're saying. Maybe an example would help?

mechanima
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22 Feb 2009, 6:50 pm

marshall wrote:

I'm not exactly sure what you're saying. Maybe an example would help?

Sorry, I knew that was vague when I said it...

For instance, when I need to criticise a group of people they always seem to think I am criticising them because I want to be included, or because I resent not being included, when, in fact, I am simply criticing them because I want then to reconsider the actions I am criticising them for. after which; They can go their way, and I will go mine

Within a group setting they seem to expect that everything you say is, primarily some kind of play for inclusion, and that the content of what you have said is all but superfluous

As though you shout "FIRE" a a party, and the rest of the people take that to mean that you want more attetion and inclusion, without even checking to see if there is a real fire (pills taking, getting WOOOOOOOOZZZZY)

Homer_Bob
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22 Feb 2009, 7:25 pm

Even for something as simple as conversations, I usually don't fit in very well unless the conversation is about something I like such as the Red Sox.

invisiblem0nsters
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22 Feb 2009, 7:37 pm

equinn wrote:

Have a glass of wine and join in. Don't think so much about it for goodness sakes.

you said it.
haha :lol:

thyme
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22 Feb 2009, 7:53 pm

I like conga lines they are fun. I always request the song Hot, Hot, Hot by Buster Poindexter so we can conga! :drunken:

Bataar
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22 Feb 2009, 8:12 pm

I'm like that too. If you were to look through various photo albums of my family, you'd probably think I died sometime after I turned 15.

Greentea
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22 Feb 2009, 11:19 pm

Batar :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Hovis
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23 Feb 2009, 9:20 am

zeichner wrote:

There is a question that get's asked during the AS evaluation process - something to the effect of "do you find it difficult to have fun," and I think this is what is meant by that. ("Fun," as defined from an NT perspective.) It was a confusing question for me to answer - because "fun" is such a relative concept.

Yes.

When people say, "Oh, you never have any fun!" what they mean is that you never do anything that they perceive as fun. Completely ignorant of the fact that what they consider to be fun is something you find very boring and the absolute opposite of fun.

Greentea
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23 Feb 2009, 2:35 pm

Hovis wrote:

When people say, "Oh, you never have any fun!" what they mean is that you never do anything that they perceive as fun.

Actually, what they mean is that you never do anything that society dictates as "having fun". Because it's not fun for them either; they do it because society dictates it. If it was truly fun for them, they would understand that each and their own way of having fun.

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ManErg
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24 Feb 2009, 5:23 am

invisiblem0nsters wrote:

equinn wrote:

Have a glass of wine and join in. Don't think so much about it for goodness sakes.

Exactly what the people in power say when they want the masses to join in with their evil plans.

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Hovis
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24 Feb 2009, 6:13 am

Greentea wrote:

Hovis wrote:

When people say, "Oh, you never have any fun!" what they mean is that you never do anything that they perceive as fun.

Also true.

It seems to me sometimes that people actually have quite a lot of trouble distinguishing between what they actually want, and what peers/the media/society in general tells them they should want. The indoctrination is so complete that they truly believe the desire originates purely independently from themselves. Likewise, a genuine impulse that might be deemed not socially acceptable or at odds with the image they want to present to their peers is often stamped on at such an early point that they barely become consciously aware of it.

cataspie
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24 Feb 2009, 6:37 am

I never join in things like conga lines and never did as a child.
My experience of seeing people join together was one of wondering what there strange games were and why were they doing them. I used to cry when my peers asked me to join in.
Now i know i also know it wont make me connect joining in anyway.
I dislike being touched by people and holding hands.

mechanima
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24 Feb 2009, 6:42 am

ManErg wrote:

equinn wrote:

Have a glass of wine and join in. Don't think so much about it for goodness sakes.

Exactly what the people in power say when they want the masses to join in with their evil plans.

In fairness, they don't usually mention the wine...

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