Cruel(lest) ways you've been rejected?

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Silvervarg, I'm the same way nowadays.

I notice you're in Sweden. Are you Swedish? And what's the weather like today? If here in Tel Aviv it's so stormy, I wonder what it's like for you up there...

i can not go. i was not invited. my father would only get upset at the frantic effort by my sister to evict me from that party.
i would not be allowed through the front door as i have no pass.
my sister would say that i am a mentally unpredictable person and they would call the police. i know they would.

also, my father is paying for his party, and my sister invited all her socialite friends, and she knows he will want to go home to bed by 8:30pm,she will fascilitate that, and then the place will be a big party for her and her invitees.

she is a completely deranged and selfish b***h.
she has the seemingness of a very credible matron style of personality, and i stand scratching the back of my head when i try to justify my plausibility to the authorities while she is saying i must be refused entry.

my father will not like the party she has arranged i am sure. it is basically designed for all her friends and her favourite family members, and dad is already dreading the event.

i will drive aimlessly through the countryside the next day(as i do) and he will want to come along, because he is quite content and secure with my simplicity of attention.

i love my father and he knows it.

We have the same sister.

i am adopted so she is not my real sister.

I have to say, one of the biggest problems I´ve had all my life, in regards to understanding people and what "makes them tick" is the fact that I just can´t fathom how people can be so cruel to other humans. This theme has come up again and again in my life. In reading all of these stories people have posted, it just brings up the same question again. This has been one of the most challenging"AS-like" things I´ve had to deal with, is how to get over the anger, hurt and bitterness of the past. And it just drills the fact home that other people (NTs) seem "different" to me, because I just cannot understand how people can do these things. It´s something I still don´t understand, and probably never will. Oh well.

I am sorry for all of your stories, and that we all seem to go through these very difficult experiences.

A lot of rejections come to mind.

Once when I was a kid, I had been sick for a few days and was very bored at home. I was getting better, so my mother wanted to let me invite a friend over. None of my friends/playmates were home except one, but she already had two friends over at her house so she said she couldn't come and that I couldn't come to her either, because she was only allowed to have two friends over at a time. A few minutes later she called back and told me her other friends had left, so that I could come over if I wanted to, but that she wasn't allowed to leave the house herself to come to me. I managed to talk my mother into letting me go play with that friend even though I was still slightly sick. I went over to her house. She was acting kind of strange and I had been there for less than 5 minutes when her friends jumped up behind a couch. They had been hiding there the whole time. She pretended to be surprised and said she had thought they had already left, but it was obvious that they had planned the whole thing and tricked me into coming over so that they could humiliate me. Since she was only allowed to have two friends over at a time, she made me leave.

Another cruel rejection was around my graduation from high school. Here, when seniors in high school finish their last high school exam, they do something special to celebrate. Many go down town to celebrate, or friend groups do something fun together. My best friend and I were planning to go do something together down town that day after our exam. The exam finished and both of us agreed that each of us would go home for a short while, just to drop off our books and grab a bite, and then we'd meet and go together. When I was ready to go, I called her, but her mother answered the phone and told me she had already left the house. This was before everyone carried a cell phone with them, so I couldn't reach her. I wondered if she was on her way over to me, so I just waited. And waited. She never showed up and didn't call me either. I called her again, but nobody answered the phone. It became rather obvious that she had stood me up, but I couldn't believe she'd do that. She was my best friend. The day after there was a school trip, so I met her at school. She told me two other friends of hers had invited her to go with them downtown, but that one of them didn't like the idea of inviting me too, so they went without me and she "just forgot" to call me to cancel our plans.

Reading this made me recall another instance of friend-abandonment. Once, I had several friends over to my house who had never met eachother but I like for my friends to get to know eachother so I invited them over to go swimming in our pool. They came over about 11am or so, swam and got to know eachother and by 1 or 2 they had left to go to one of the friend's houses to spend the night. All of them. I was not invited.

A friend would not pull that kind of crap. Looking back, I know the only reason I had for a lot of my high school acquaintances to associate was a) I had a car, and b) I was going to put up with crap.



Even at the worst point of my marriage, my brain overrode my mouth's desire to say something like that. What the hell is up with my own gender?!



Oh, yeah.... I was the only one with a pool in school, too.



And it's only getting worse - and starting at younger and younger ages. If I had done half of what some of the youth did today, I would have been expelled from school.



NT's don't just seem different.....they are. While we Spectrum-folk are certainly capable of doing these things, I would guess there are fewer incidents per capita than there are among the so-called "normal" people. Which just reinforces my best friend's opinion: "Dude, normal people suck!". Ironically, he is NT as far as I know. The best thing we can do - at least for ourselves - is to not sink to that level.

Just my .$02

It is interesting how the memories flood back reading these things, isn't it? My friend abandonment story was the day my so-called friend called and invited me over. She lived across town, and of course, no one was there to take me or to get me, so I rode my bike - probably about 45 minutes or so. I get there, just in time to see her and her family loading up into their van. Her mother smiles and says , well, we were just about to leave, what brings you here today? I said "susie invited me over, she phoned about an hour ago". Her mother gives her daughter a very dirty look and said "You have company, YOU are staying home". The rest of her family went off to enjoy their plans for the day, and little Susie didn't get to go anywhere. I was stayed for awhile to visit, but I really REALLY wanted to leave after I watched the van go. The only reason why I stayed is because I knew that I was punishment for the kid, and at that moment, I was ready to punish her.

I was abandoned quite cruelly at a world exposition many years ago. Our class had gone to the coast to visit universities, and also to go to the expo. Well, I hooked up with a small group - you know the drill, I was with them, but not necessarily a part of the group. There comes a time when you need, and I mean ABSOLUTELY need the facilities. One of the others in the group needed to go as well. I thought - great, that should slow them up (I knew that if I slowed down for a minute, they would probably ditch me). I was right, too - they waited until I went in, and they must have ran because certainly I was only in the washroom for a couple of minutes. I spent the rest of the day wandering around all by myself (although I got to do more because I got to choose where I was going). I made my way back to the class rendezvous, and they said with every bit of them looking innocent "oh, we must have gotten separated..." Yes, you believe what you have to, I suppose. Then they wonder where I am at class reunions.

Then there was the rejection via e-mail, when the ex asked for a divorce. I think someone should write a book of etiquette for e-mails - no requests for break ups/divorces, no letting you know your aunt is dead by using the SUBJECT line to announce it, etc. Actually, the nice thing about that e-mail is it marked the start of something new, and the end of an abusive relationship. I like to think that satan rejected me in that case...

For everyone's stories, sigh. So much pain because others play games

I didn't think anything about it at the time (as I didn't actually approach anyone), but in high school, one of those "popular girls" kept on trying to interact with me, and her friends would always say why bother with that stupid/slow person.

And then there's the eternal "No, we don't want you to be in our group" during "group" project group selection...

Twice in childhood - once in preschool, once in kindergarten - I told someone I thought was a 'friend' a secret, because my mother had told me that women tell each other secrets when they're friends. Both times, the 'friend' took the secret and spread it around as gossip in order to bolster her own social status. The first time, I figured that the girl in question was just particularly mean; the second time, I stopped talking to people unless I had known them for years.

This has happened to me once since that time, when a co-worker 'outed' me as AS to several other co-workers. In his defense, he claimed that he had thought it was for my own good.

Then there was the time in second grade when every single person in my class was invited to a classmate's party, except me...
And, of course, the valentines notes in grade school... everyone in class was supposed to send one to everyone else, and yet somehow I never ended up with the full number.

Most of the rejections I get these days are subtle - answering machine rejections. I call to invite someone to one event or another, and somehow they never 'get my message' until after the event has passed.

Actually, this thread makes me feel very glad that I am here. Among others who understand what I have gone through.

mitharatowen, don't even get me started on the topic of introducing friends and them going away together. I stopped doing it 20 years ago because each time the pain was unbearable (losing 2 friends instead of 1, when it was always so hard for me to have even 1). I've had friends stolen from under my nose many times. Even best friends.

But I suspect that the same happens to NTs, because I see that nowadays (at least here) nobody introduces their friends. In fact, they're quite carefully exclusive about spending time with friends. When they're meeting one friend, they'll tell others "I have plans already" rather than "I'm going to the movies with a friend, why don't you join us?" They do this to each other. Back when I was a child, people weren't like this.

Some time ago I started thinking that friends are such a rare asset in today's world that people steal friends (applying serious tricks and charm abilities). This may sound very strange, but I sincerely believe it, from my observation of relatlonships among others, not only with me.

People can steal your friends, like they can steal your wallet or whatever. However, there's no going to the police about it, and there's no emotional support from anyone when that happens to you. Others will tell you that you're imagining things, that it can't be like that, that they probably had taken for granted that you were coming along too, and all kinds of BS. The robbery of friends is still not acknowledged in society, such as other social problems (like bullying and commitmentphobia) were not acknowledged for a long time.

Last edited by Greentea on 27 Feb 2009, 11:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I hated 'group' work because I always ended up doing all of the work - like analyzing poetry in an English class, and my 'group' members don't even speak enough English (despite English being their first language) to know what the words in the poem meant.

I always thought people just hoarded their friends because they were selfish