Bataar wrote:
sunshower wrote:
I find what makes me happy is achieving well academically; getting good grades, or achieving in my extra-curricular - like successfully auditioning for high level choir groups, or getting solos, or getting good reviews for poetry, or being selected to be in an Advertisement or a documentary or to go on a tour or whatnot. I focus strongly on academics and extra-curricular because these are the areas I know I can succeed in if I try hard enough. Even when I think I'm going really well, I always end up failing socially.
Happiness for me comes from focussing on the things with clear goals and steps by which you can get to those goals. I love grades and the grading system because it's straightforward; the harder you study and the more work you put into something, the higher grade you get, and the better you achieve. Then you can win medals/certificates, or get a good OP, or something, and feel good about yourself. The social world doesn't work like that, and I think any aspie who focuses solely on the social world as a source of success and happiness will be hard put to achieve lasting happiness.
You said you're sick of IT, why not try another academic area?
Basically, at this point, more schooling is out of the question for me. I have so much student loan debt already and to be perfectly honest, I can't think of a single thing that interests me enough to put that much time, money and effort in pursuing.
I felt like that for a while, because my interests were all in creative areas; art and music and whatnot, but I didn't want to have them as a main source of income because it would ruin their enjoyment value for me.
So for a while, I thought - what other area could I possibly enjoy? But then I started trying to look into different areas and see for myself, and I discovered that I really liked psychology. So now I want to take a degree in psyc, while doing creative stuff part time and in my spare time. I think often the best thing you can do is just get out of the house, and get involved in different things; trying to find something you like. You'll probably be surprised at what you find out about yourself; when I was younger psychology was probably the last area I'd expect to end up in.
As for making friends, etc, it's not impossible but it's hard, and I think for aspies it requires a lot of sacrifice and an OPEN MIND. My friends are different to me, and often I find the things they like boring, but I try to keep an open mind and understand things from their perspective, and I find this really helps. At times when I'm feeling really close-minded and only want to do the things I do, and I go around judging other people (a.k.a. they're all so shallow, blah blah blah), these are the times I drift apart from my friends and find myself alone a lot more.
So much of friendship is about body language and emotional connections (more than I would have ever thought possible when I was younger and didn't know as much as I do now), and learning these things to the best of your ability is vital for any sort of success.
The thing is, you've got to be in for the long haul, never give up, and accept that you will always have to struggle every step of the way where others won't. You have to put yourself out there, risk failure and embarrassment, because that's the only way to make friends.
Have you tried making friends with people at your workplace? Even if they're not like you, or like different things, why not have a go and enter their world for a while - learn new things, see things differently. Often the best thing to do is to take small steps; keep friendly conversation going, pick a person or two you like and keep up with their lives (a.k.a. ask how they are each day, if they tell you they're playing in a sport competition on the weekend (for example) then remember to ask them how said competition went on Monday). After a while ask them if they want to catch a movie, or something quite general like that. If people at your work ever do stuff together, try to get invited along - sometimes it's worth swallowing your pride and asking if you could come too (I used to do this a lot).
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Into the dark...
01 May 2009, 10:03 pm
