The autism social rule book.

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Talk about problems with other people only with your therapist.

Do not blurt out what you're thinking.

Everybody is not necessarily acquainted with everyone else, even if it seems that everyone is, except you.

For that matter, don't say everybody knows each other if you come from a small, isolated community where everyone is acquainted with everyone else. They will take it to mean "know" in the biblical sense and assume you're inbred.

If you have children, it will end your social isolation if you like it or not.

Don't blab on about one particular subject. Other people would like a turn.

When talking to older people, be safe and any topic that you think maybe the least inappropriate: don't talk about it unless they bring it up. Older people tend to be more conservative, while not all of them are, unless its clearly obvious that they aren't, dont utter anything inappropriate.

With dating, don't be desperate. Sure there's the concept, beggars done be choosy. This does not apply for dating! You end up dating someone bad out of desperation, you might end up suffering bad consequences. Lastly, please don't advertise all over fb that you don't have a gf/bf and you desperately want one: huge turnoff

When someone is talking about something you disagree with, don't outwardly voice your opinion (aka attack them) unless you are completely sure they're cool with it. You really don't have to try to agree, you can just acknowledge them. If you really don't like it, you can just change the topic or politely tell them you would prefer not to talk about it.

Agree. I'll also add, you might end up in the hospital unwanted. Trust me, a psych ward is a not a good place for an aspie and it might make the situation worse. So whatever the reason you are threatening suicide, beware that you might get sent to the hospital. If you dont want this to happen only tell your thoughts to someone who you knows you extremely well and that will do what is truly in your best interest: not what they think is in your best interest. Otherwise, write down your thoughts, look for support in online friends perhaps? They likely can't send you to the hospital

Never tell people you are on Social Security. People will pass judgment on you and think you are lazy and milking off the system. Also if you appear in a TV show about something in your personal life, never mention being on Social Security for the same reason I mentioned. You sure don't want strangers knowing about you and just imagine walking in public and people recognizing you from the show? I can't imagine what treatment you would get.

If you have millions of dollars you don't have to play by any of these social rules.

If someone tells you of a horrid event, try to act a bit sympathetic, even though the event has no relation to you and shouldn't make you feel sad necessarily.
Example:
Person: "A man got shot and killed the other day!"
You: "That is a terrible occurrence!"

Be sure not to smile while you say this, as the person could mistake you for being happy that the sad event occurred.

If you just decide to make your own rules after years of trying to assimilate, it's ok. There is no spectrum in the snowflake world

I would recommend slowing down. Most of us are not Robin Williams. So, it is important to allow the other people to pace the discussion. I frequently turn people off, because I bring a lot of my personal baggage into the discussion. So, I think a conversation that works goes something like this:
CONVERSATION 1:

Non Autistic Person (NAP): What lousy weather today?

Autistic Person (AP): Well, yes. However, I like rainy weather. [Note: Turning negatives into positives is really good for impressing people].

NAP: Well, I suppose so. It hasn't rained in awhile. However, it rains out a lot of ballgames.

AP: Oh, you like sports! [Austic people are accused of not acknowledging what people are saying. This is a good compliment and way to show that you care about that person and want to hear them].

[This is a good example of keeping a conversation controlled, and also allowing the NAP to lead the conversation by showing that you care about who and what they are].

Now, this is a conversation I frequently have gotten into, which turns NAPs off completely with a quickness:
CONVERSATION 2
NAP: What lousy weather today?
AP: Yes. It is lousy, and I had to drive to work today, and I went to the coffee store and spilled coffee, and how are the Angels going to do this year?
NAP: Well, I don't. [Confused, embarrassed, and unsure about how to react].
AP: Yes, I think the Angels will do okay this year. Now, there is this lockout in the NFL and NBA. What spoiled athletes? This country is going down the tubes. The other day I watched the news and they were talking about a war in the Congo. How horrible.
NAP: Well, I think I will be going now. Good day, sir.

He who has the gold makes the social rules.

This is a non-autism factor to autism that is extremely important, in my opinion. If an autistic person has parents who are ingrained in a community and have a support structure, I think that will make it easier for the autistic child. When people know that you are so and so's kid, and respect that family within the community, they are more likely to be sensitive to the needs of the autitist child. The worse thing, from my whole bitter life experience, is to have parents who are not known in the community. Then, it is a double whammy. Not only do you have autism, but no one cares, and people will much more label and marginalize.

I often say to parents of autistic children, don't stiffle their right to be free individuals. However, if anyone in the community labels, mistreats, and ostracize your kid, respond with a quickness. Don't get in a fight with the offender, but make it very clear that there is "zero" tolerance for their behavior. Trust me. You, as a parent of an autistic child, ignore teasing and bullying by adults and children in the community, and you may harm your child for life.

when he found out that Darth Vader was his father. Well, that's being dramatic, but it is true. It is a hard dose of medicine for me to take every day that because of my disability I am really being pushed our and marginalized every day. Now, that I am fighting for a chance at a life, I realize that people don't care. The way I look at it, if someone hoped in a car, drove on a smooth road, and got to their destination, would they understand someone who hit every disaster and misadventure possible along the road to their destination? I think not, and know not. A lot of people in this World don't understand us, they don't understand our feelings, and they don't understand our unhappiness. They think we are crazy, childish, irresponsible, and losers. It's a fact. That's why I feel so enraged against liberalism. I know that it is nonsense. I see blacks, gays, women, and white straight males sharing the same unemployment line, and liberalism is worse than conservativism, because it pretends to care. I know the truth. No one cares, and no one is there to help me. Even the autism groups I attended didn't care two cents about me, because they were like "Who is this stranger?".

Immersion is the best way to learn a new language and culture. For me, if I want to integrate further in society, I need to learn this daily changing non-verbal language and the culture of the so diverse people and groups in it. Some of the language ( street, slang, ebonics etc )
have no rules and in some cases even no correct or incorrect spelling . Good luck to anyone with any social disability. It's a friggin' tough world now as it is. As Bill 43 pointed out, people in general don't give a damn about me and it's up to me to assemble help and support resources myself. ! Thanks ~ Trista

Do not point out an NT's physical weakness (especially age-related) directly, unless they start talking about it themselves. Instead, if they need help with moving around or hearing, try to accommodate them by speaking in a louder voice or asking them if they'd like help with something.

Do not tell other people about their rude behavior, it's rude to point it out to them. But however you can do that to children but not to adults. It's not rude to tell a child their behavior is rude.


If someone is talking about something you find boring, don't ever look at them, don't even comment on what they are saying or ask any questions about what they are talking about, roll your eyes, sigh, don't initiate the conversation, they will get the hint you are not interested and they will change the topic. It's rude to tell them you don't want to hear it and you are bored so you have to do it the other way. (of course I think aspies can easily do this anyway since lot of us have a hard time with conversations and carrying them on so they will shut up anyway assuming we are not interested but this is for those who don't have difficulty)

I try to look people in the eye but I do it in a fixed, intense and weird manner, I just can't help myself when it comes to that. It's actually a relief for people when I stop making eyecontact.