First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

Post Reply New Topic

I think it should be clear that not all social groups are the same on this. Activity that wins you inclusion in one group may earn you exclusion from another. You really have to follow your own values on it.

That said, when you are a guy and reach even your early twenties without any activity, people may wonder if you have interest in it, it is that uncommon. But there are ways to explain it off, since some belief systems highly value waiting. Just make it clear that it has been so, so hard to wait

With women the age is later, but it happens where a point comes that people wonder how the heck a person could have held out against the urge for so long, and start to assume that the person may not have much urge. Again, the best offense is letting people know how hard you've struggled to stay true to your values

While many people value a partner who has waited, most people still want a partner with a decent amount of drive.

to NTs:
What puts people off about people who act a little strange or awkward? I mean besides when they do something bad or annoying. When someone is pretty nice, but acts odd, why does that make people not want to be around them, or talk to them or whatever?

People can fear what they don't understand, know, or relate to. And there is a social aspect, as well, in not wanting your social position jeopardized by association.

I withdraw from strange people because I'm very afraid that I won't know how to relate to them well and then I'll end up being blamed for doing the wrong thing and hurting their feelings. Maybe NTs feel something similar about me?

There are, of course, different personality types among NT's, so some may feel as you describe here. But I don't think that is "the" reason in most cases. It would be nice if it was, because that is a very sensitive response, but I have a hard time seeing the same person who is capable of being a bully (a small percentage of the population) ever feeling this way; the bully's insecurity makes them want to eliminate or control all that is different. I think the real reasons for most people fall somewhere in the middle, and are a bit mixed.

to NTs:
What puts people off about people who act a little strange or awkward? I mean besides when they do something bad or annoying. When someone is pretty nice, but acts odd, why does that make people not want to be around them, or talk to them or whatever?



Hmmm, that is a very good question. I am an NT female married to an Aspie male. I assume that certain people are just afraid or confused by behavior that is seen as "odd" ? They are probably unsure of how to react so they pull away so as not to embarrass themselves or the other person? I happen to not be one of those people, however. I , myself, can be a bit "odd" in the eyes of the general population, I'm sure! I am not your typical NT female in her mid thirties. I hate shopping for clothes, shoes or purses and usually dress in jeans, t-shirts & converse or combat boots! So, I get QUITE a lot of looks at times when out and about, lol. I am very non-judgemental and will befriend just about anyone that I feel is a good person regardless of their idiosyncracies.

To NTs:

What are good lines to get a conversation going. I'm normally completely tongue-tied to come up with saying something not ridiculously stupid and actually manage to have a worthwile conversation with another person.

Hi, there! I guess it could depend on where you are or what sort of event is taking place but I often start off by asking people how they heard about the event or who invited them to see if maybe you have an aquaintance or resource in common. I also like to ask what kind of music or movies do they like. I am a HUGE music fan so chances are we'll have something in common. If that is not your cup of tea, then maybe you could bring up something you have done, like travelling abroad. They may have an favorite destination they'd care to discuss as well and if not perhaps they'd enjoy hearing about your trip? You can also just ask a broader question like what some of their favorite hobbies or activities are & hopefully at least 1 or 2 you may have in common and then things should start rolling along a bit easier from there. If you are in a university setting you can always go with what classes they are taking that semester or what their major is going to be.



Hope that was helpful to you!

I agree completely, it depends on the context. It would be different if you were at a music concert, in a library, in a grocery, at work, or passing in a hallway between classes. It could also depend on the time of day, weather changes, day of the week, or significant news events. I know "depends" isn't the most helpful reply, but if you gave us even a few contextual clues it would be easier to offer more concrete suggestions.

They are right, of course. If you are looking for a script, we need context.

Here are some general rules for a conversation starter:

Ask a question. A general one, that isn't too personal, that cannot be answered for a yes or no, and that is appropriate to the situation. An example might be in an art gallery asking someone what they think of the piece in front of them, or at a concert which set so far they've enjoyed the most.

Be prepared to build on their response in a positive and not too personal way. If they liked the art piece, for example, talk about what you like about it. If they didn't, do not take it as a jumping board to totally destroy the piece, just build slowly from there.

And so on.

Yes you are right I should have specified a context. I am a college student but I was referring to situations in general in the question. The question 'what subjects do you do' normally elicits a blank response such as 'A levels' or a boring list of 'maths, english, chemistry, etc.' Then the conversation sort of goes dead and I feel awkward. Yeah, I know completely what you mean about personal questions. I find these difficult myself and hate to/get anxious about replying with anything that is wrong/ i.e. drop my self in s**t. As a result I try not to ask these myself.

Question: Is it ok to approach a group of people evenif they are strangers to try and make conversation and if so how would you normally go about doing so without making a fool of yourself. Alsowhat does 'NT' actually stand for?

NT is short for the term neurotypical, which basically is used to describe us folks that not on the autism spectrum. As for approaching strangers.. that is a tough one...I don't even like doing that! LOL! It is considered appropriate if you are all at a specific event or partaking in a similar activity. For instance, let's say you are at poetry reading and you sat near a group of people that were discussing one of the poems afterwards over a drink. I think it would be ok if you made some eye contact with at least one of the people to gage their responsiveness and then proceed to comment on that same poem by interjecting that you couldn't help overhearing their appreciation ( or dislike) of the poem and then state your opinion on it as well. More than likely someone will respond cordially and offer up some friendly banter with you and then you have the start of what could be a cool conversation.

To NTs:

I have had this issue for some time (acted on it a few times), but how can you tell if someone is flirting with you out of attraction vs flirting with you to pass the time/having fun? I can never tell if its been out of interest . . .

Neither can most people, as far as I can tell. I've seen plenty of NT's fall for a good flirt play (not by me, but I have a friend ...). Its called hormones.

If you have the opportunity, watch how the person reacts around others. If they play the same for everyone, they aren't doing it out of specific interest in you.

PS - I had decided I am more NT than AS, but it seems my mom and sister aren't so sure ... who knows, really. So qualify my answer as an NT accordingly.

Hi, everybody. Sorry I haven't been around in like ... for as long as I haven't been around. School--takes up the whole week.

Nice to see this thread is now on 30+ pages. Again, Greentea, great idea.