First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

Post Reply New Topic

I have a question for Greentea.
Do NT's feel uncomfortable around AS'ers? Are there certain situations that make NT's uncomfortable?
Thank you.

This is a fantastic idea, its been really insightful.. Interestingly the thing i gained most was that i relate more to the AS stuff than NT. My son is aspie and i wonder if i have spent so much time trying to work with him in supporting his journey through life that i see more from his eyes now or if maybe i need assessing. Funny... I really appreciate my sons aspie insight and skills. I don't see any issue to being an aspie at all. what you see is what you get, you know where you stand, he is honest, and he makes me aware of mixed messages and when i am unclear. life is simpler.
So from what i would have suggested (albeit questioningly) some hours ago an NT (nothing typical) rather than neurotypical) perspective is that the only people who could really be made uncomfortable by AS people are people who are afraid of something, have something to hide, or are ignorant. which would make them uncomfortable around almost anyone anyway... I could be very wrong though

For NT's:
I am a self diagnosed ASD and my son has diagnosed Asperger's. He is being bullied at school. He is 11 and last night he broke down and cried on my shoulder. He is in 6th grade and he is laughed at, pushed,shoved,chased and called ret*d, fa***t and ugly. I had hoped moving from elementary school to middle would help with a fresh start but it hasn't. One reason possibly is he was placed in a life skills class, where they taught him to fold laundry although his grades are good. I found out later that one is automatically placed in that class if they have an IEP even though his has always been behavioral and not academic. He was taken out when they realized he wasn't being challenged. I have spoken to the school because last year at elementary he had two meltdowns resulting in self injury because of the teasing. They decided, since he made straight A's the first 9 weeks, to move him to honors classes. They thought maybe the kids in those classes would be more mature. Not so, unfortunately. Yesterday someone in honors class called him a fat p****. As far as I know he is being tormented for being quiet and shy. I was the same but I was just ignored. My question is - How should he respond when someone calls him a name? He gets angry but I tell him that just gives them satisfaction. I'm afraid he's headed for another meltdown.

First I would like to commend you for being a close Father, for being shoulder that he can cry on if he needs it. When I was going through bullying at his age, my Father just said stand up to them, but I was never brave enough to because I knew I would not be able to hold my own in a fight. I had heard that schools had changed on this issue. When I went to the assistant principal in middle school to complain about being bullied, the man told me to gather all of my friends together and go get back at them. Since I had no friends you can guess how far that went. I'm not sure what to suggest. I thought there were programs in place now in public schools to educate kids about bullying and to help both bullies and their victims. Maybe that was only a temporary trend. I know there are websites on the subject. You might check them out to see if they give you any resources, or suggestions. You are already working with the school administration and it's not helping. I have wondered whether it would have made a difference to me if I had taken some self defense classes and gained some skills that would have enabled me to defend myself, if it would have made it easier for me to stand up to the bullies that I had to face. Maybe that is something you could try if its a viable option for him. Many autistic people also have other issues like connective tissue disorders that would make self defense more painful than it's worth. Other folks here may be more helpful than I can be.

Well, if push comes to shove (haha), it seems that school bullying is considered harassment in some and charges can be brought up against the bullies and their families. For me, bullying wasnt that bad, but i would try my hardest to never let them have the gratification of winning. I would often turn and walk away, or say something like, "If you come up with an original insult, i might actually listen to you," because, frankly, insults never change. Ignoring them has done the best i think, but if it gets out of hand, a lawsuit against the family(ies) might be the only way.

I really get how much this hurts both for your child and as a parent. I too am a single mother. With a now 10 year old son. He suffered severe bullying, mostly name calling but once he was pushed off a two metre high bridge on the school playground equiptment, he escaped serious injury but the schools lack of response to this and years of anguish made me change schools. That was the best thing and I am lucky i had that option. The school is smaller, 67 kids and the teachers and principle apprecaite my son for quirks and all. They are so supportive and any bullying is stamped out quickly enough, my son's self esteem is my higher now. This may not be an option to here are some coping strategies I put in place since he was about 7 because the name calling and misunderstanding from other kids may never cease.
Firstly i bought my son a pocket dictionary. i asked him to look up some of the names people would call him, and asked if he thought that was him. In black and white he understood that they were being what he now bounces back at the as ignorance or insolence. (he does get called dictionary head, but thats a far cry from the other names that were more hurtful). I also asked him to have a safe place in his head, so when the name calling was too much to think about super nova's, (his obsession is quantum physics and space). Working and managing self esteem and anxiety with natural remedies was also a key element because he wasn't at peak anxiety and things affected him less. (these remedies were cheap and effective like tissue salts (magnesium and kali phosphate and flower essences) even i was shocked at how well they work) I also celebrate my son's diversity and never see aspergers as a problem or difficulty.
I am also in the middle of writing a talk for the school and will present it at assembaly discussing aspergers and asd and the amazing role people who have had this have played in science and music etc so the other kids see it from my perspective.
I hope this is a help. if you ever need to chat or more info feel free to ask.
I feel like a pretty successful story when it comes to raising an ASD kid and believe me we have had some massive trauma to get through (my sons father was undiagnosed Aspie who suffered depression and self medicated with alcohol til he took his own life 18 months ago) And I think even with that my son is now in the best place mentally he has ever been, he even has friends at school now.
Blessings Niki

Here's a new question for NT's about how you perceive other people.

There is another thread about a TV show called, Watchmen", which I know nothing about. But that thread sparked an idea, and I thought I'd bring it here so as not to steal that one (as I tend to do.) I started to post it there, but I decided to cut and paste it here instead.

My question for NTs is:
Why on earth if you're trying to be subtle about something won't someone, who KNOWS I have AS Please for heaven's sake do something to help me realise that you're TRYING to be "deplimatic" about something?
I hate it when people just expect me to "know" some thing and they know that I don't or won't know it and then get mad at me later! PLEASE HELP!
Hugs,
~Eilidh